Ruthless Sweetness (SELF PUBLISHED)

#14 unspoken ache

ELVIRA
This morning has been grey.
I've been up for 9 hours, I woke up early, yes but I'm not saying that it was a good morning and that I completed my morning routine, the only thing I did is splash cold water on my face and I went back in liliana's bed just stared at air. For 9 hours I haven't ate anything, i haven't moved from this bed , I barely even spoke any words all I said was "yes" and "no"
and maybe some other words, Liliana is concerned for me, she asked me if I want food and I said no, he called Romeo to come into the room to see me and she asked me if I want Romeo to order me food and I said no. He sat there holding his chin as he looked at me with big noticeable concern on his face , same for Liliana but then she told him that he can leave now, Liliana has been looking at me and I say nothing, she reads to me, shows me a song, shows me a dress, I try to pay attention and laugh back with her , but I have no energy.

Im stuck in abyss .

Not long after Liliana spit out some words at me trying to sound frustrated.
"That's it! We are going downstairs"
"Are you out of your mind?"I say, already starting to pace over her nonsense suggestion.
"Yes , maybe I'm out of my mind, but Elvira, whatever you are doing is not good." she says, frowning
"No,I refuse I can't see him I can't"
"he hasn't been home since lastnight Elvira he's not here."she says with a blank face.
"That's impossible" I let out a shaky nervous laugh.
"I swear to you, he's not here"
"I need proof ." I say while I'm terrified that she might be lying.
She sighs and closes her eyes
"ROMEO!" she shouts really loudly making me jump ,I can hear his footsteps running upstairs
"WHAT WRONG !?"
"Where is Iglesias " she says crossing her arms and looking at him and he breathes out a relived breath.
"Gosh you almost have me a heart attack, you know he hasn't been home ever since-" they get interrupted my heavy breathing and heaving chest as I stare at the wall with my eyes widen , I shake automatically, my hands trembling as I force my self to stop, I breath out too hard, nearly gasping for air as my chest rapidly goes up and down at a un-catch able pace. "Elvira-" Romeo says, walking slowly forward towards me and I lift up at finger and point it up to stop him, I get up and walk to the bathroom as I try to stop my shaking body. "I'm gonna use the bathroom " I say trying to sound normal and not reveal the breakings in my voice as my throat closes , I close the door and I lock the door behind me, I shake harder than I did, I go over to the sink and hold into it for support with my both of my hands, I look down to the sink as I shake, heavy breathes and echos if my heart beat is the only thing I can hear, I look up to look at my self in the mirror.
"He hasn't been home since Last night".
He's gone. He's gone and he isn't coming back and he isn't coming back to make up with me ever again, he's gone and I break down right here , holding into the sink looking in the mirror , trembelous sobs escape my mouth and I try to be quit and cover my mouth and my heart is in ignition for not letting my cries out loud, my back jerks as I cry there , really hard , I back away from the sink as I carry on crying , and I hear my heart burst again, I expected him to hurt me but not leave.
It's over , no more Iglesias, he won't ever hold my hand the way he did that day and I fucking shouted at him.
He told me he cares about me and I accused him off lying.
I was supposed to go where he was going, I was supposed to see what he sees I wanted to always be by his side
That's all I wanted , the moment I realised who I was going to get engaged with , that's all I wanted .
I cant breathe. I'm on the floor touching my chest with my hand as I cry out loud, not caring if they hear me , but I cried too much that my throat hurts, I take breaths , I take breaths and calm myself down

"Breathe Elvira , breathe it's okay I will be with you there too"

his words, those words that he told me I will never forget , right now it's re playing in my head and it's suffocating but it's somehow calming me down . I finally get up and wash my face and look at myself in the mirror and my eyes are bloodshot. I look crazy and I laugh a little and I think I'm actually crazy, I get out the bathroom like nothing happened, I see Liliana on her bed biting her finger nails as she's bouncing her knee and looks at the floor,she looks terrified, concerned and sad.
"Are You okay Liliana?" I ask.
Her head shoots up at the sound of my voice and her eyes widens at me
"Don't you dare ask me that, I heard the way you were crying it scared me really, really bad." She says
I look down and try to find how to reply to her , she grabs my hand and squeezes it a little before she pulls me into a tight embracing hug and pulls away and look down then at me
"It's okay, let's get you something to eat." She says slowly and I walk with her downstairs and I hate how empty the house looks without him, I shake that thought from my head and I actually eat.
"Soo, how are you feeling?"
Romeo says as he rubs his hands together and sits in-front of me at the table I look up to him with heavy eyes. "yeah you know, this food kinda sucks"i say, stabbing the food with ny food and holding it up.
"Elvira, is everything okay?" He asks,his eyes dropping into concerned ones. I take a shaky breath and look at him.
"What happened last night?"
I shake my head repeatedly in denial.
"I don't....i don't want to talk about it." I say, going away from the table because I finished eating and I go sit on the couch and he follows me.
"Okay it's okay I'm sorry" he apologies
"So he just left " I say unfazed, scoffing.
"I don't know Elvira, he probably slept at the base or somewhere, did you call him?"
Did I call him.
No.
I didn't, I couldn't have the guts to do that, I don't have the voice to do that I can't but I wish I called him.
"No." I say simply.
"Oh" he says and he turns his head to stare at thin air.
"What did you wanted to talk about with me?" I ask curiously.
"Oh that, are you sure you still wanna hear it?" He says with a concern look on his face.
"Yeah, if it isn't about your invisible girlfriends, sure" I shrug, attempting to make joke.
"No no,this is serious " he says looking serious for once .
"Go on, tell me"
He takes a long shaky breath as he rolls his waist and shifts into the couch .
"Iglesias cares about you" he says and
Creaks. It's like I hear creaks from my heart.
"Maybe" I mumble looking at my hands.
"I'm serious, you know he was looking for you the whole year"
"He wasn't." I deny.
"Yes he was Elvira , he used to stay up at night telling me about your eyes" without even noticing, a tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away rapidly with slight frustration.
"No, I am sick of getting fed with lies" I look at him now, my blood boiling up to my neck.
"Like what is this? Romeo can't you see? It's all fake this whole engagement it's all fake , and I don't even know why I'm crying" I say as I reach my hand to my eye to wipe another tear and I let out a little laugh at my own stupidity, naivety.
"You're only crying because you care for him too." I look at him not saying anything letting the tears slowly rolling in my cheek, almost too slow as my lip trembles and shakes , I try to look for answer to respond to him but there's no specific word I can find out together to make a sentence, I can't deny this , I can't get up and cry and shout at him for saying this because I do care for Iglesias, too much it might murder me.
He touches my shoulder.
"Hey, don't cry infront of me because I will cry too and then Liliana will see us and she will cry too and we all gonna cry like toddlers" he says and I look at him for quite a second with a smile creeping on my face and at this, I laugh , I push his arm and tell him to shut up and he puts his arm around me and I stop crying.
"He's my best friend you know, if you want him here I can get him to come back he's not gone Elvira"