Ruthless Sweetness (SELF PUBLISHED)

15#. Regretion

IGLESIAS

it's been a week ever since I had that fucked up fight with Elvira, I have been at the base ever since , In the office,thinking only about how disgusting I'm becoming , how disgusting I'm becoming in her point of view, I never saw her cry like that , nothing ever pained my heart by just words, lately I couldn't focus on anything,my work ,the stock that has to be shipped off to Cuba , nothing at all, I've been stuck in a horrible haze.
I don't sleep anymore, I tried , and I woke up to her voice crying out my name the way she did when I left that room , I have been more up to drinking ,getting drunk until I can't think or see anymore
In the morning I would wake up disgusting myself from my own actions, I am out of my mind, I held a gun to her head ,I told her how I could kill her without caring at all, in a heart beat,the way I lie is embarrassing, I've been staying up trying to understand what part of me would say that to her? Did I enjoy seeing her heart breaking over my words? Would I have actually killed her ? What is wrong with me?
I have to do something about this,I can't just isolate myself in this base and not go to see her ,I need to see her. My heart has been in pain ever since , and just staying here avoiding her like she did something wrong, no I did something far from okay,I still can't believe my self how i could do that to her , how I could traumatise her like that.

I get my keys before I leave the building, I get into my car and take a shaky breath before I turn on the engine I drive off,I'm driving the same Maserati that I drove the first day I saw her , this car carries luck and bad luck,the luck was that I saw her and the bad luck was who was her father, but I can't say that seeing her wasn't a moment that I will never forget, the way my heart rattled when I saw her beautiful eyes, and I somehow managed to make my favourite eyes cry many times these weeks.
I'm at my house , the house where she is right now,something in my heart tugs and pulls and I don't know why,I get out the car without hesitation, I open the front door slowly and I get inside , the house is a empty lifeless box, I walk into the living room to find anyone alive ,I slowly walk into the living room and there is no one here , there is , Romeo is on the couch, but he's looking lifeless. His hair a whole mess in his head and tiredness written on his face , and a glass of vodka next him as he stares straight into the wall.
"Romeo." When he heard my voice , he looked like he saw a ghost, he immediately got up to his feet facing me with a scared expression
"What are you doing here !?" He asks me with slight anger in his voice.
"What the fuck are you saying"
I say getting frustrated at him as I push at his shoulder and I sit down,he copies my action and does the same.
"What's up with you? You look dead man". He nods in frustration as he looks away.
"Look man I know you're mad at what I did , I get it, I'm a disgusting human being but I just need to talk to her ,make things right-"
"No." He says interrupting me as he says with no emotion on his face and a loud demanding tone, surprised by these actions coming from Romeo.
"What are you saying?"
"She's gone Iglesias. "
This , this is the moment where my heart dropped and my face ran pale,
Those words , does disgusting twisted words coming out of his words and I am fighting the urge to not break his jaw with my bare hands as I yell at him to shut up and stop talking nonsense, but he's too serious to be joking , I try to remain calm but my hands are already trembling, I lean back into my seat looking away from Romeo, being too deep into my mind, the longer I stay here the more my heart shreds into pieces and burns, he can tell me whatever he wants but I won't believe what he just said, maybe I'm taking what he said wrong , she could be out with Liliana somewhere, yeah it's okay I'm overthinking those words , I like overthinking that's my problem, curiosity is eating me alive , creeping up on my spine and tugging into my brain, I grip the armresters before I push my self of it and stand to my feet and start walking , walking too fast nearly running , I get upstairs, curiosity in me making me go crazy , I yank at Liliana's bedroom door, Maria's old room, and it's empty, the bed is still there and other things but the girls are not here , there make up and perfumes that always used to be in the vanity is missing, I get out of the room slamming the door and I go to my room, our room, that was once in a life time our room, mine and hers, the nights she slept in that night are a part of the nights that I will always cherish and not forget, I never slept better than when she was next to me. The way she wanted to sleep on the couch makes me want to smile, realising how much I fucking miss her , how much I crave her touch and her sweet voice. I get inside the room and I look around, how grey the room looks like, when she was here , the whole room always seemed to light up. I go over to bed and sit on it and stare at my hands as I remember her , her flowy white golden hair , her cherry smell, her beautiful navy eyes, her pretty rosey lips.
I turn my head to my right and I shouldn't , no no no please god I'm begging you, please don't make this be what I think it is , my breath is heavy enough to make my chest move in a crazy pace , my heartbeat is so loud that I can hear it clearly as it beats tremendously,I cannot breath , I touch my hand to my chest trying to slow down my breathings and my heart beat ,I pick it up nearly dropping it of how shaky my hand is , and when I bring it closer to me, it's the ring that I gave it to her, Not just any ring. Our engagement ring.
I fall to my knees as I hold it in my hand, and for the first time In years,