Am I deserving of the word love?
Am I not good enough to have that?
Am I not faithful enough to be beloved?
The day and night, merry go round, these interrogations shoot my head like a fast bullet.
I let my eyes bleed for the whole night,
Then let my lips stretch just to be seemed okay through the whole morning.
I already fell from my grace like Lucifer did from the height,
But I still manage to fix my wings and fly like Iris, filling up the Gods' cup with my pleading.
I wish I was the one that your eyes focus on.
I wish I was the reason for that shimmering smile.
I wish I was that one that you are proud to show to the world, looks like you've won.
These wish hunts me every time a flash of that image went to my head to say hello for a while.
I always feint by the blows of those eyes looking at your rose,
Which makes me wish to be him, but fighting the urge because of the pains;
My insecurities strike in me again, like you pulled the trigger of a bow to shoot an arrow;
It hurts so much, but I'm going to fight as I only have in this life time is myself's domain.
...
Lesson: The stages of relapsing that I called, "The Interrogation Stage" and "The Wishing Stage." When these two stages are striking my Relapsing Moment, I know I am going to free myself from the painful memories that went back to say hello again. After I interrogated myself from the chances I missed, I'm going to regret, but then, I will realize why I should regret it if I learned a lot from that pain. After that, I wished, then I'll realize that whatever I wished for, I can't fix the past anymore, so I'll quickly decide to move on and just make the worse situations that I wished to change to be my everyday packed life lessons. So, if the "AM I? I WISH STAGES" came again, I can manage myself from breaking through it as fast as I can and take another "AM I? I WISH STAGES" my another everyday packed life lessons.
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THE ANXIETIES THAT TAUGHT ME (A SELF HELP BOOK)
PoetryThe collection of original poems of mine, lessons I've learned through my own poems, and challenges I'd went through just to defeat my problems and anxieties. I wrote these pieces whenever the monster named anxiety tried to break my core again. Take...
