ON HOLD | Hunter x Hunter x reader ♡ The Female Zoldyck

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i do not want to be specific with y/n's appearance but it is hinted that she takes after silva. take that how you want but it's important for the story. she is a zoldyck after all.

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 i was in agony.

yesterday was the last time i'd ever seen mitsuya, and that completely broke me. all i've been doing today is stare blankly at the wall. i had the curtains pulled over the window, not feeling like staring out today.

the maids who were sent to me were concerned at the fact that i was not eating. but i just couldn't bring myself to eat. all appetite was lost and all will to go on was gone.

i didn't react when the door opened, not caring who it was that entered. after all, i'd deny eating no matter what.

there was no footsteps, making me assume that it was one of my family members.

and i was correct.

suddenly i was harshly pulled by my hair to face whoever had came, and it was illumi. his face was blank as his black eyes glared into mine. i bit my lip to stop myself from screaming.

"why have you not been eating? you are worrying mother." he said, eyes unblinking.

tears gathered in my eyes from both pain and frustration as i forced out, "why would she care now? she never cared before." i shakily said.

his grip on my hair tightened but his expression remained emotionless. "do not be dumb with me. you are a family member, useless or not does not matter. eat."

he let go of my hair, aggressively pushing my head down, "alright? you will eat." he stated, pushing my head against the bed. the entire room suddenly turned dark and i was frozen in fear. i could only focus on his dark swirly eyes.

I could only nod from fear, not being able to resist. he let go of me, satisfied with my answer as he let go of my head and stepped back.

"aniki.." mumbled, still lying in the same position except I was clutching the pillow tightly.

he tilted his head, "what is it?"

"were you the one who told silva-san?" I asked, looking at him from the bed.

"yes. I saw you the other day with mitsuya takashi." he responded straighfrowardly, as if it was nothing. as if he didn't just ruin my life.

I closed my eyes, rubbing my face against my pillow as I mumbled against it, "I see."

"I'm going to call the maids to bring food for you. if I hear that you have not eaten, I will drag you to the punishment chamber." and with that, he left.

the maids came a bit after and dropped some food for me. i ate a little bit and thankfully that was enough for illumi to not come back to hurt me.

days went by slowly. every second hurt, knowing that i'd never see mitsuya again. i was heartbroken, alone and depressed all over again.

suddenly one day i began feeling sick and started throwing up a lot. the maids were concerned as they gathered beside me, who was hunched over and throwing up in a trashcan. directly after that i fell back ontop of my bed and passed out from exhaustion. i started feeling ill out of no where and i'd throw up almost 3 days a week. it hurt a lot and i was constantly sick and nauseous.

no one said anything, but i could tell that they thought my time was close. that it was finally time for my body to give up. i felt ashamed, humiliated and i hated when they'd look at me with pity in their eyes. i just wish i was left alone.

but after a few weeks  passed, a bump was starting to form. immediately i realized why i was suddenly sick, and i wasn't sure if i was relieved over this or not. i was conflicted and even more depressed.