ON HOLD | Hunter x Hunter x reader ♡ The Female Zoldyck

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he carried me home, bridal style. I lied limp in his arms, staring at the dark green grass. it was quiet, no one spoke a word. not even the terrified killua who followed us from a small distance. he was in too much shock to cry after seeing his mother get hurt by her own brother.

I cried silently for a bit, but soon the tears dried up and all I felt was numb. utter numbness and helplessness.

"I miss mitsuya." I mumbled softly.

quiet, only illumi and killua's little footsteps sounded, crunching on the grass. his hold tightened on me, but not enough that it would hurt.

I didn't feel anything for illumi anymore. not after this. he broke me, both physically and mentally and in front of my child. I felt powerless and he purposefully made me feel like that.

"I hate you, illumi." I said, voice not above a whisper. but I'm sure he heard me. he was not speaking though and that made me wonder what he could be thinking of right now. could he be feeling guilty?

don't be foolish. after this, he's shown me that he feels no remorse for his actions no matter who he commits them at.

I glanced up to look at his face and stared into his dark and lifeless eyes. he wasn't looking at me, only focusing on the path ahead as if I didn't exist. he never felt anything. so what did those moments ever mean, of us interacting and enjoying each other's company? being comfortable.

I missed that. I wish he never showed me this side of his. because I'd be willing to ignore it, as long as I wouldn't experience it. but here I am.

deep inside I also felt like... he would be... more

human.

"I love you, imoto. that's why I hurt you." he said. a repeat of the words that never fail to send a shiver down my spine from fear. I began to smack my hands against his chest in an effort to get him away from me. "I hate you. I hate you so much." I whispered, hitting his chest over and over again. "I don't want to be with you anymore. don't ever talk to me again. never touch killua again. you're not his uncle." I continued, spitting words at him, trying to get a reaction from him.

but nothing in the end.

"are you human?" I whispered, biting my lips in an effort to stop the tears from coming.

"what a foolish question. I am." he said, not looking at me.

"no you're not. you may look human, but you don't act human. you don't act normal." I looked at my broken ankle.

his grip tightened on me, dangerously tight and I winced from pain. "do you need me to snap your other ankle? have you not learnt to rid of your rebellious habits?"

♡

alluka was born in that same night.

illumi returned me and killua to my tower and left quietly. killua immediately ran into my arms and snuggled into me, breaking down and crying softly. I hugged him tight to my chest, whispering sweet nothings about how it didn't hurt and that everything would be okay.

the next day, I was expecting to be dragged to the torture chamber, but apparently illumi didn't tell anyone of my escape.

and now killua lied beside me, drawing on a notebook to pass the time.

he wasn't in a good mood, most likely he was still hung up on the past events.

"killua?"

he raised his head, "mommy." he said.

"are you still sad?" I asked, tilting my head.

he frowneds softly, but shook his head in an attempt to appear unbothered. I only smiled at that, finding his thought cute.