SEX AND OTHER TALES

AM I ENOUGH?

"Oh lift me from the grass!
I die! I faint, I fail!
Let thy love in kisses rain
On my lips and eyelids pale.
My cheek is cold and white, alas!
My heart beats loud and fast;
O! press it to thine own again
Where it will break at last."
-P.B Shelley (Lines to an Indian Air)

I am a girl who needs constant assurance and for a man who's hands are full, I am perhaps not the one. I will wake up in the morning, make you a cup of tea, cook for you while I wait for you to return and tell me about your day, but I know am not enough.
I can postpone my dreams, wait till the new family is settled, I might have couple of years extra, but I know am not enough. I can choose alternatives, look after every one, have children, nurture them while you earn the bread, but I know am not enough.

I will hold us together when things fall apart, when the boredom sets in, I'll jest in to bring a laugh, celebrate your birthdays as festivals while I forget mine, but I know, I still won't be enough.

No matter how many dishes I learn to make, I know you'll soon grow out of the taste and look for alternatives because I know am not enough.

I'll wake up every morning to alarm clocks and getting the kids ready for school and wait patiently for you to take them there, meals all packed and stacked, but I know, I still won't be enough.

I am a woman, hopelessly, devoted in love, but I know am not enough. No matter how many dreams I wove, the names I pick, that's a far future that's yet to bleed, but I know am not enough.

I want to be a doctor, a good one for sure, a mom that's better than the world has ever known. I'll hide my tears and shove the darkness away, put up a bright smile and wake the way, but I know, am still not enough.

I won't be the person you'll want to see on a weekend's leave, I am not the person you'll want to find yourself near, my darkness will scare you, push you away, I know am not enough and I'll be on your way.

I am not enough that you'll love me hard on the days I find myself not worthy of love. I am not enough that you'll take your time out and read the poetries that my heart has always in the void, shout. I am not enough that you'll bring me flowers and would want to stay, watch a movie while the pets are busy with there outdoor play, or make excuses to cuddle and stay, ditch your boys on a rugby day!

I am not enough that you'll help me get out of the bed, call me pretty on days I could hardly face myself in the mirror, the days I'll fall sick and lose my glaze, and look like nothing, just a little amazed. I am not enough for you to put me first, no one ever really did, not even from my past, for I was always expected to walk straight and confident and now that am scared, lost and dim, why will you light your torch for me in the gleam?

You are happy, with people that make you feel warm, what do I have to offer? The one in the cold forlorn.I know am no longer enough to bring a smile on your face, for everytime you see me at a distance, you slow down your pace. Hesitant, reluctant, disappointed and in distress, you glace at me once and I know how miserably I fail to impress.

Alas! Am not enough for you to stay.Am I?

I know am not enough to deserve even a word, silence is what you tell me , silence is all that's heard.