Toxic |H.S|

14

I step inside my house and nearly throw my bag on the floor before heading to the kitchen where my mum is preparing dinner with a frown on her features and I tap her shoulder. "Where is he?"

"Living room."

"Why is he here? He didn't even warn anyone." I cross my arms while rolling my eyes as my mum shrugs, I know she must be also pretty upset about this but just trying not to show it.

My dad is not present at all, he asked for a divorce a few years ago and since then has already started another family, I mean good for him but it still feels a little neglecting to know my dad spends almost every day with his other family, his wife, daughter and son while we rarely get a visit from him

I walk to the living room and see him sitting on the couch with my sister next to him and she grins once she sees me. "Nova! Dad's here!" She exclaims and he turns his head to look at me as my sister runs up to me to hug me and I lean down to hug her back while patting her hair.

"Hi, Nova, how have you been?" He asks while getting up and standing in front of me, both of us awkwardly staring at each other with no way of greeting each other without making it more awkward. Of course, I miss my dad, but the lack of communication made me feel less connected to him and I no longer feel like he's actually my dad.

"Good, I can see Maya is happy you're here," I look at her with a smile as she grins happily at him while pulling his hand to lead him to the couch once more so they can watch TV together, "I um, have things to do so I'll just head to my room."

My sister arches an eyebrow at my words before I wave and head to my room, walking past my mum as she sends me a glare for not making an effort to stay with them. I sit down on my bed after closing the door of my room with a sigh, sniffing softly as I feel the tears burning in my eyes and breathing out to stop them from running down but it's too late.

Maybe if I'm so upset over this I should just go and spend time with them but I can't bring myself to, I can't pretend nothing ever happened and act like he didn't just leave his family behind, I physically can't do that.

I put on my pyjamas and sit down on my chair by my desk, trying to distract myself by beginning my studies but my mind feels so full, it's like it's weighing down on me and I rest my forehead on the surface of my desk with a shaky sigh. The hardest part of this is knowing he'll leave again and that's the worst part because that's when my little sister realises her dad is leaving again and cries. A lot. It's heartbreaking and that's why I'd just prefer if he didn't visit even though it's nice of him to remember he has his first family.

My phone rings and I frown, grabbing it quickly and frowning at Harry's name on the screen before picking up the call. "Hey?"

"I'm still waiting for the picture of your bass," He mutters and I furrow my eyebrows while glancing at it from across the room as it stares back at me in its shiny shape.

"You were serious?" I chuckle as he sighs as if annoyed while I walk closer to it with a smile. I haven't touched this in months so I trace the outline with the tip of my finger, its red colour matching the strap attached to it.

"Of course, doll."

"Alright, hold on then," I hang up, not wanting to put him on speaker so that nobody hears us speaking because I did say I had things to do. I take a step back and take a picture of the instrument in front of me before sending it to him with a grin on my lips.

"Nova, dinner is ready!" My mum shouts from the kitchen and I breathe in and out quickly before walking out of the room, getting ready for the mess this dinner is going to be.

Sitting down, me and my mum share a glance as my dad sits next to my sister as she excitedly speaks to him about the movie we saw a few days ago and my mum puts food on all the plates before we begin eating.

"Thank you for letting me have dinner with you guys," He says quietly as my mum only nods, chewing the food in her mouth slowly and he turns to me, "How's school for you Nova? Do you still talk to Grace?"

"No," I reply coldly, looking up from my food to frown at him and his question, Grace was a friend of mine three years ago and she had to move away but of course he wouldn't know about that.

"That's a shame! What happened?"

"Maybe if you cared enough to call once in a while you would know why," I fume, side-glancing at him as my sister's smile drops at my words and I immediately regret it, but not enough to keep quiet, "I guess we're not important enough for that, right?"

He doesn't reply and I feel tears forming in my eyes again so I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and run to it, letting my tears fall as soon as I get inside and hiding my face in my hands, trying to be as quiet as possible. It's so shitty to feel like we're not enough for him, like he doesn't care. We could be starving and living on the streets and he wouldn't bother to even care.

I hate feeling guilty for telling him these things but I can't help it, I know he's here to see us and that should make me happy but I know this is all a facade to make it look like he cares about us when he doesn't and I feel like he needs to hear this to remind him of what he's done.

I don't know how long I stayed inside the bathroom but when I got out, they're no longer sitting, my plate remained untouched but my dad had left and my sister is currently sitting on her chair with a sad look on her face and my mum is washing the dishes with a tense posture. "I'm sorry I took so long."

They look at me once I finish talking and my sister sniffs before rushing to me and giving me a tight hug, I try not to sob as I hear her crying and take her in my arms quickly to hug her back, rubbing her back and my mum finishes what she was doing to join the hug.

"Maybe we should all go to bed, we're clearly tired," I whisper, pulling away to look at them as my mum nods and my sister wipes her tears with the back of her hand. I hold onto her hand and we start getting ready to go to bed together, my sister had calmed down a little now and I'm glad she isn't thinking too much about all of this, at least I hope so.

My mum pulls us for one last hug before we walk to our rooms, wishing a good night to each other. I plop down on my bed and shake my head at the waste of time all of this was, the hardest part of this was the drastic change our lives went through when this happened, I mostly just want things to be the way they used to be or go back in time to live them once more.

It's so painful to know that right now he's in his house, probably complaining about this whole scene and saying how much he regrets coming here to visit us. I shouldn't have been so harsh, Maya loves it when he visits and I sort of pushed him away with that comment, I know I did. But we can't pretend nothing happened and act like a happy family when we're not even his family anymore.

I grab my phone and smile with a sniff at Harry's text on my screen.

Harry: hot ;) you should totally show me your talent, doll