Half of What I Could Be

Chapter 41

Trigger warning: this chapter has some triggering scene about sexual assault. 

Mae POV

"I think something is wrong," I said as I squished my face against the window. It was now night time. The sun disappeared over the horizon hours ago. Kate was still not back. With this place being very weird on time, I could not tell if she had been gone for four hours or six.

Jacin lounged on the couch behind me. He flipped through a book, and it was obvious he was as interested in reading right now as I was. There was no TV in the Loft. Dishwasher, check. Washer and dryer, check. Tv, nope. When Kate initially left, she made it seem like she would be back soon. I should have asked her more questions about her random departure, but Jacin was, like always, annoying me.

Would I feel anything but annoyance toward him? I had no idea. He put his foot down about sleeping in the same room as me. I, who have had to endure his snores for the past few nights, did not want to. He got mad. I got mad. It was a whole thing. In the end, I gave in and said he could sleep on the ground. We were not cuddling again, because I was scared I was starting to like it too much.

The mate bond was hard for me. I had a hard time differentiating how much of our attraction was from me or the predestined bond. I was a big believer in love being a choice that you actively made every day, but with him, it was like a force. I wanted to yell and scream at him, while my cells pushed me to do the opposite. It was very hard on me mentally.

"She's fine," he responded, pretending to read the book, The Catcher and the Rye. Even though my attention was focused on looking at the street below us, the fast sound of flipping pages made it seem impossible that he was reading them.

"How would you know?" I asked, "Are you psychic?"

"No," he reaffirmed as he flipped a few more pages, "But Kate is a big girl. She can handle herself."

"I am not doubting she can handle herself," I sassed back, "That was never the question. I am doubting her safety. Even she would not leave for this long without telling us."

The lights below illuminated just enough of the street to make out figures walking every which way. Whenever a silhouette would get close to our building, my hope would rise. Then they would scurry away, and my heart would plummet. Ever since coming down here, it was obvious she was a smart girl. Of course, the demon blood severely dampened that before, but now? She single handedly saved us from the Sphinxes, helped us navigate the River Lethe, and led us to this town. We could not be here without her.

"There's nothing we can do about it," he shrugged.

I turned toward him, "Of course there is something we can do about it. We can go down there and look for her."

He laughed. This stupid boy laughed, "You really think going down there and looking for her is smart? If she was in trouble, there are two ways on how it went: One, she is already dead. Two: she is being used as bait to draw you out. If we go down there and look for her, you would be doing exactly what they want you to."

Could she be dead? No, she wasn't. I knew she wasn't, "So, what would you have us do then? Nothing? Just leave her in danger?"

"Yes," he stated.

I walked toward him, leaving my post at the window behind, "Are you seriously this stone cold? Do you even have a heart in there?" I asked as I leaned over top of his sitting position and poked his chest, "This is how you want to repay her for saving your life? Abandon her?"

He straightened himself up on the couch, but never stood up. I continued to tower over him. Even though our positioning showed myself as the one with the power in this dynamic, his cold exterior made me think otherwise, "We go out there, act like heroes, and you get hurt. That is it. That is what will happen. Kate saved me, yes. I know that. I am grateful. But, I came here to make sure you are safe. If that means sacrificing the witch's safety, then so be it."