Write My Soul

A Toxic Degree | TW: disordered eating...? Body image issues

TW: this is a poem that I used to talk about how we, as a society, place being thin and losing weight on a pedestal. It's blatant in this message and this might be triggering for people so if this isn't good for you then don't read because I don't want you to hurt your mental health! It does have positivity at the end though so not all depressing stuff!

(Also I have no idea if I like the title of this poem or not lol)

*****

Suck in your stomach so it doesn't show
Cover up imperfections, no one has to know
Paste a smile on your face
Comments make your heart race
Compare yourself to everyone
Don't tell them how little you run
Start to lie about what you ate
Get full instead on self hate
They say such nice things to you
But their own poison starts to leak through

Check the sugar and mark the miles
It feels good when achievements are piled
But then someone exceeds your rate
And suddenly you don't feel as great
The mirrors are made to bend
No one eats less than your friend
It feels like the world's against you
You no longer know what to do
It seems like you are so alone
But many have experiences like your own

We all get focused on how we look
Judging our bodies by the book
Nothing's as bad as we see
We place ourselves at an impossible degree
Words are just words, looks are just looks
But it's hard to get back the confidence it took
Spread the love and send it through
Leave some for yourself too
Try to let go of the fear
You will always be welcome here

NOTE***

It's so interesting that even surrounded by people who are encouraging self love and being proud of yourself and your body you can still grow up feeling self-conscious, ashamed, and/or have body dysmorphia.

I have a pretty fast metabolism and as a result I'm lucky enough not gain much weight from the food I eat. I'm also lucky enough to have people in my life who are very positive and who encourage me to love myself and how I look. I also am lucky enough not experience much body dysmorphia and am generally happy with my appearance.

Even with all this I still sometimes find myself looking in the mirror and sucking in my stomach. Or trying to eat smaller portions (not because I want to or because I believe it's what's better for me but because of how I worry about how I look)

I think one large part of it is how others talk about themselves around me. It's easy to tell someone to love themself and how they look but harder to do that to yourself. I also find that lately people are incredibly self-deprecating in their language about themselves. While my mother never commented on my figure negatively,she is always going on about how she is "fat" or other various reasons her appearance is "wrong" sometimes also comparing it to mine and my sister. My sister also is extremely self-deprecating whenever she looks at herself and is quite vocal about it. I think overtime I have started to sometimes copy their thinking, maybe not out loud but internally to myself.

Another reason is the small, seemingly innocent comments people make regarding how much I eat. I am a very small girl but I have a fast metabolism so I eat a lot often. People will often comment, non-maliciously, saying "Wow you eat a lot!" "You eat more than me!" "I could never eat that much!" "If I ate like that I'd get fat!" And over time it's made me quite self-conscious of my eating. Lately, there's also been a bit of a trend in not eating very much. People will almost brag about how they don't eat breakfast or how they "barely eat anything" and will mention it whenever you talk about eating. Now, I'm not criticizing that they eat less than me. If that's what their body needs then that's okay or if that's something they're dealing with I understand. But sometimes those comments can make you compare yourself.

All in all, I just wanted to let people know that you're not alone. Everyone feels a self-conscious about how they look and their body. It's a toxic part of our society but one that many share. I know it's hard and it's so easy to compare yourself to others. I wish I had a good solution to this. But I don't want to spread seemingly empty words when I'm still figuring it out myself. All I can say is that people will easily talk badly about themselves so try to remember that when they comment on what they do regarding food, exercise etc that you don't need to compare yourself to them. It's easier said than done of course but if you display good self talk perhaps others will follow. And maybe just maybe society will start to heal some of its toxic mentalities❤️❤️

LuckyBugBooks 🐞