Roses from Tears

And Christ came

I thought He gave up on me. In my entire life, I've never been more wrong.
One day while depressed and bored I decided to get on YouTube to mindlessly watch videos after I'd wiped all of my previous search history. A video came up by a channel I had never heard of and it was titled "Dear Christian this will make you cry." And the thumb nail was a graph comparing sexual sin to other sin. So I watched it and I cried because something small inside sparked..it was hope.

More things eventually started happening. I found out that these Christian pair of sisters my friend followed taught on the subject of purity. I got their book and found an online accountability partner through their online conference. I found another YouTuber who taught on purity and overcoming sexual sin and people on Instagram. They supplied me with hope and tools to use and I felt like I was getting somewhere.

However I had to come to the point where I accepted God's forgiveness and for so long I still thought I didn't deserve it even though I was making progress. Every step I took it seemed I was taking a step back. They say the first step of repentance is realizing what you're doing is wrong and the second step is repenting, the third step is accepting forgiveness and finally commitment to walk the right path. However I couldn't make progress if I believed I was still unworthy because it gave me a reason to fall back into sin. It took a lot to get out of that spot. I was there most of 2021. I finally confessed to my mom although I feared she'd hate me because I was doing what my father did. However she had grace towards me, forgave me, told me that I wasn't like my father because I was seeking help and wanted out. She also told me the same thing every one else had been telling me. That was "Not accepting God's forgiveness is like saying Jesus's death on the cross wasn't good enough." That humbled me real quick.
I also learned that showing weakness was actually strong unlike what my father told me.

Eventually I did accept it. I came to realize that whenever we make mistakes, God quickly forgives us. We are instantly forgiven by Him the moment we ask for forgiveness. It doesn't take weeks and extra efforts to win God's love back. It is impossible to regain what was never lost. We never stopped being loved by him.

It doesn't matter how many times we mess up, or how badly we mess up, He still loves us. On your darkest day, Jesus loves you just as much as he loves you on your best day. Jesus's madly in love with you, and there's nothing you can do to change that. He already knows how many times you're going to fail...and with that in mind He still CHOSE to die on the cross for you...and as if it couldn't get any better, He did all of this so that He could be with you.

The creator of the universe wanted to be with you so badly that even with the knowledge of all the mistakes you were going to make He still to willingly chose to die on the cross so that He could be with you. If that's not love, then I don't know what is. Jesus is love; not guilt, or shame. God doesn't want us to run from him if we make a mistake. He'd like us to run into His lap of forgiveness and be close to him.

However, the enemy is aware of this and doesn't want us anywhere near God; and that's when the feelings of guilt and shame come in. Know that when you mess up and want to turn from God that that's the enemy, and you need to do the opposite and run towards God. I know it's hard, but you must understand that this was what Jesus came for. I'm not saying to just go out and purposely sin because you know God will forgive you. What I'm trying to tell you is don't beat yourself up about this, because Jesus did it for you in the cross. It's okay to fall, to ask for forgiveness, to know that you are forgiven, to keep moving forward, and to give your best. We wouldn't have needed a savior if we had all been perfectly fine. You're allowed to be imperfect. We're the ones Christ came for, so go to Him and don't let His death be for nothing.

I am so grateful for Him! He pulled me from the mire and set me on high ground. Now I must learn to commit to loving and following Him daily. It's not an easy walk but I keep pursuing. I want to know more about Him and fall more in love.

This chapter is not exactly where I want it, but it's still a great chapter. For at least one person, I'm sure it will be a blessing. Please leave your comments and any questions in the comment section of this post, or send me a message. Much love, God bless.

🤍 JN