Roses from Tears

update

Hello my fellow brothers and sisters! God bless you this holiday season! I know this is really random but God put it on my heart right now as I was praying and writing in my diary before bed.

Recently my family has started counseling with a pastor which is super exciting and a blessing in itself. We have been learning a lot about how to properly deal with emotions which I will have to get more into another time. However as I was writing about my feelings about my father and how I pitied him and felt sad for him as he has been going through a lot of emotional issues leading to his hospitalization a few times I realized something.

My sister and mom feel more bitter and angry towards him because they don't fully understand the extent of what porn does to you, how ensnaring and mentally poisonous it is. How it eats at and destroys your soul. Yet I do, I can pity him and feel empathy towards him because I have struggled with similar issues. I had God in my life since I was a child and a strong support system, someone to talk to about my struggles. He didn't and then he never dealt with his past and it came back to bite him. I know how hard it is knowing God  so well so I can't imagine how it is not knowing. But at least I have some idea. Maybe this "curse" that I have is also a blessing, a way to reach him that no one else has. I know that I will be the one to break this generational curse by God's grace but maybe I can aid the ones who weren't.

God randomly put it on my heart to write my father a letter and buy him a purity book that has really helped me for him for Christmas. I never thought I would ever be writing words like this or feel such much love towards him and excitement to do this. But that's God for you, asking us to do something we never thought we would or could do. I could never do this on my own, this is all Jesus in me. His healing, his love and his grace.

Don't be afraid to listen to what God tells you to do. Never question it. It takes a few steps at a time,  day by day to become a better person. Sometimes a step back but don't give up. He is changing us daily as we learn more about him. You may not see it instantly but it's happening.

Gosh it's so weird to me still. I used to talk about getting him garbage for Christmas and look at me now! Thank you, thank you Jesus! May your name be praised forever amen!