Fade in on Doc (O'Malley) standing on an icy precipice.
O'Malley: Hahahahahahahahaha. You fools have fallen right in to my hands. Only now, do you realise the folly of your follies, hahaha. Prepare for an oblivion, for which there is no preparation! (evil laugh)
Simmons: O'Malley! The Reds and Blues are working together now! You can't hope to beat us.
O'Malley: You fool! My metallic friend is the only ally I need. Lopez, activate weather control routines.
"The what," Carolina deadpanned.
"You don't have weather machines?" Rider asked curiously. "I thought it would've been invented by now."
"Oh, we did," North grimaced, "but after the incident in '79, no one really uses it anymore."
"What happened in '79?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know."
"But I really do," Rider pouted but dropped it.
Lopez:(Spanish) Okay.
Lightning shoots out of Lopez, and he becomes surrounded in what look like spinning mystic runes.
Simmons: Are those runic symbols a sign of some ancient technology?
Doc: No, I used to draw them on my binder during study hall. I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?
O'Malley: Shut up!
Sarge: Oh, Samson's back hair. They found our secret weapon. I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work.
O'Malley: Hahaha yes. And now that I've located those "D" batteries, the Universe will be mine! Hahahahaha!
"D batteries are the critical piece of technology are you fucking kidding me?!" Wash cried.
Niner watched Wash, bemused, his hysteria momentarily distracting Niner from her own frustration.
Tucker: Are you serious? You couldn't find D batteries.
Sarge: Only at gas stations, and they're just so darn expensive there.
Tex looked at the screen skeptically. Really? Gas stations? In the middle of nowhere? Right. "Where the hell are you finding gas stations?"
"Shore leave?" Wash suggested.
"You really think he's stable enough to be around civilians?"
"Well, no, but do you think that's going to stop him?"
North nodded. "He's got a point."
Tex rolled her eyes but didn't argue. Mostly because this was ridiculous.
Church runs up to everyone, still ticking.
Church: What's going on?
Sarge: You want the long version or the short? Basically you've got a fifty megaton bomb in your gut-
Simmons: Ten sir.
Sarge: And Lopez is about to kill us all.
Grif is running up behind Church.
Church: That didn't make any sense, what's the long version?
Tucker: That was the long version. The short version is "we're boned."
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The Freelancers React to red vs blue
FanfictionI literally got bored and kidnapped the Freelancers and made them watch red vs blue. That's all there is to it [Updates Saturday]
