❝ I could never love someone.❞
She liked him. But god forbid life happens and screws everything up. Doubting herself, doubting everyone and everything, Valentina Alma was screwed.
At least she had the brains to push some of those feelings away. Yet...
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No one ever expects for loss to occur, but it's one of the guaranteed things in life. When Valentina was little, she would go over her grandmother's and sleepover.
So when she got the news that Rosa Hernandez passed away, Valentina didn't know exactly how to react. Should she feel numb? Broken? Guilty? Grief?
A million thoughts, a million memories, the girl she was, felt the need to grow up and hide her emotions. That traumatic moment soon turned a question in the back of her mind if it truly happened or not. As she was slowly forgetting the presence of her grandma.
After very little convincing, Valentina was in the backyard of her house. Thankfully, her parents were at the church volunteering for the fair. But that left her little brother being left home alone, most likely reading comics, listening to some Depeche Mode.
Shortly after her grandma died, Valentina's aunt held a funeral, but it didn't exactly help that it was one-thousand miles away, in Mexico. And the main thing that didn't help was that it was held too early. Much less on a Friday and with not being able to attend, the guilt was rising and there was still some closure needed.
Marco and Valentina took it upon themselves to make their own grave site in the backyard, where all the plants and flowers were, Rosa's favorite place.
Instead of a gravestone, there was one shaped out of styrofoam. With it reading;
Rosa Hernandez April 21, 1908 - April 22, 1985 Mother & Grandmother A beautiful and giving soul, you will not be forgotten Love, your children & grandchildren
Max Mayfield inspired Valentina Alma to say one last goodbye. Even if it may just be cheap talk.
Taking a deep breath, Valentina started talking aloud. "Hey, abuela, long time, no see. I don't really know what to say. Uhm," she started tearing up.
"It's almost been a year now and it feels like it doesn't get any easier. I may not show it or say it, but I miss you. I really do, I just wish that sometimes I could accept and move on, but it's practically hard when flashbacks of us pop up. It feels like a blur, but I don't think I'm ready to let go. I never was. Never will be."
"If I do, it feels like I'll be hurting that little girl that laughed when we were watching Willy Wonka. Like I'd be letting my childhood go. Sometimes I'll get mad and cry myself to sleep because I feel like I failed you. Your English was limited, but you always did try your best. Yet if I would've taken the opportunity to ask the questions I wanted to, I think I would've been okay." More tears started to fill the brim of Valentina's eyes.
"And it feels like you were ripped away from me. I feel lost, so lost that I keep digging a bigger hole. I feel like a burden, to mom, to dad, to my stupid friends, to Ms. Kelly, and even to the new group. But I think you would've loved them. Especially Steve, the Steve I talked to you about over the phone. You said that him and I would end up together, but I said that you were crazy cause that was another level of delusion," she laughed and sniffled.
