OUR NAMES IN THE STARS - [제이크]

epilogue

Dear Jake,

so if you read this, I either said you should read it before and I'm in the sky now, or you just read it secretly.
But I'm pretty sure you wouldn't do it secretly so I'll just act as if the first thing I said is the case.
By the way I'm already sorry for any spelling mistakes but it's pretty dark here haha.

Listen, more precisely read, currently I'm sitting here next to you&thinking about everything happened the past weeks and hours. It's night and it's much fun to watch you sleeping. Especially under those stars here.
And since you always wrote me letters when I was in a coma, I decided to write you one too.
As a...

As a farewell. I already know that I won't be here, Jake. And I'm so sorry that I'll leave you alone. But please promise me, everytime you miss me, just look at the stars in the sky and remember me in them.

I needed you in my life. I was way more happy in my dying days than in the rest of my entirely life. It's said that once you met your soulmate, your thoughts will only be about him.
I never believed that, more precisely I never knew how it is to have a soulmate.
Until I found you. Out hearts belong to each other and although one of them is dead, the other one needs to beat more now. It needs to beat for the dead heart too.

What I mean is, keep going and try out something new. Find a lover, a girlfriend who you love and who loves you too.
She needs to take care of you, make you feel comfortable.
Promise me to not be afraid of loving again, okay?

I will never loose my feelings for you, even if i'm not with you anymore, I promise Jake.
You are and will always be the one who stealed my heart. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were my number one. You are my everything and you don't know how i enjoy watching you here next to me.

Of course, I know there's still the surgery option left. The thing is just... It's so expensive and I honestly can't afford it. All the money goes to the university, the rest I want to keep for Coco and you. Even if i worked part time jobs or do something like a cleaning job, i would have eventually needed to ask Jiho to cover the rest of the bill for the surgery...
I can't do that to him. He works as a barkeeper and just earns money barely.

In speaking of Coco... Please, take care of her well. She can be pretty annoying but she's so caring and cute, just promise me to keep taking care about her once I'm not able to do so anymore.

So many options of being cured.

And i chose one. I decided to end all of my suffering by leaving this world behind me. Please don't be sad or cry about me, Jake or try to stop me. It's already too late.
You know why i wanted to spend this night with you and didn't want to return back? I think now you slowly get it, right?
I knew this would be my last one. And spending this last night with you was the best thing that I could have every experienced in my life. At this place, under the sky with a thousands of stars looking down on us.

All the times I was on the edge of dying, I didn't want to leave already. I wanted to stay alive to spend more time with you. But now it's my time Jake. I'll give someone else the chance to live a happily life in which they hopefully find their love just like i did.

I was so happy with you Jake, you don't even know probably. I hope you could see my eyes sparkling everytime i looked at you, just like you did. On the ferris wheel, i felt so comfortable although heights are probably one of the most things i'm scared of.
I was always feared of death. I knew i'd die in an early age. But now it changed. I'm going to die happily. You made me so happy in these last days, but now i need to...

say goodbye.

It's time for me to leave this place. As i said, don't be afraid of loving again, okay? I wnat you to see laughing and smiling from above. Actually, I'm looking forwards to see the sky.
I will see my parents. My mom...
You have so amazing friends who promised to take care of you. Even in the hospital i spoke with heeseung. He knows about this letter so he should proabably also know that this was the last time seeing us. He promised to take care of you.

I think it's time for me to say goodbye now, i want to close my eyes under the stars while holding your hand.

Please don't be sad or cry.

Be happy, okay? We will see eachother again, I promise.

The stars are beautiful, aren't they?
Now i can finally see them close.

Maybe I'll see you here stargazing again. I hope so.

I love you and I always will.

Keep going and fight for your dreams.

Your lover,
Sana.

☆

The End.