σɾɳιƚԋαʂ (ρʝσ x ɱαʅҽ σƈ)

I'm Accused of Helping My Friend Steal Oppenheimer's Worst Nightmare

Theo's POV

How the fuck in the name of all that is holy is that even possible?!

I mean, Artemis is supposed to be a maiden goddess, right? MAIDEN! GODDESS! Meaning that she never had sex with anybody, man, woman, or any other gender!

So how the fuck am I here then?

I mean, there's only 2 possible answers that I could think of:
a) My dad was a sperm donor, and Artemis decided to have a baby. I guess Olympian sperm donation isn't that far from the realm of possibility
or
b) She got "capital R, lowercase a, capital P, parentheses (e)"'d. But how the hell does someone manage to do that to a goddess? I don't wanna know.

I'll take option A, please.

At least I have all of cabin 8 to myself and I don't have to sleep on a tree branch anymore, so I guess there's a silver lining in all the madness.

But I felt bad for Percy.

Almost everyone started steering clear of him like the plague. Everybody in cabin 11 was too nervous to have sword-fighting lessons with him, so he had to take them one-on-one with Luke. Hell, even Annabeth kept scowling at him when he and I took Greek lessons with her.

At least the Apollo campers treat me more like one of their own. I mean, we're technically cousins, since Artemis and Apollo are siblings.

The next morning, I was in the archery range, practicing. I was on the 13th shot of the morning when I heard hooves behind me. I turned around and saw Grover and Percy there. Grover had a grim look on his face.

Theo: What's up?

Grover: Mr. D wants to see you and Percy.

Theo: Why?

Grover: Well, uh...I think it'd be better if he told you himself.

Nevertheless, I put back the bow and quiver then followed Grover and Percy.

After a bit of walking, we arrived at the Big House. Dionysus sat at the pinochle table 
in his tiger-striped Hawaiian shirt with his Diet Coke, just as he had on mine and Percy's first day. Chiron sat across the table in his fake wheelchair. They were playing against invisible opponents—two sets of cards hovering in the air.

Mr. D: Well, well. Our little celebrities. Come closer. And don't expect me to kowtow to you, mortal, just because old Barnacle-Beard is your father. (turns to Theo) And don't think you're in the clear just because your mother just happened to be Ms. Maideness.

A net of lightning flashed across the clouds. Thunder shook the windows of the house.

Mr. D: Blah, blah, blah.

Chiron feigned interest in his pinochle cards. Grover cowered by the railing, his hooves clopping back and forth.

Mr. D: If I had my way, I would cause your molecules to erupt in flames. We'd sweep up the ashes and be done with a lot of trouble. But Chiron seems to feel this would be against my mission at this cursed camp: to keep you little brats safe from harm.

Chiron: Spontaneous combustion is a form of harm, Mr. D.

Mr. D: Nonsense. Boys wouldn't feel a thing. (turns to Percy & Theo) Nevertheless, I've agreed to restrain myself. I'm thinking of turning you into dolphins instead, sending you back to your father and mother.

Chiron: Mr. D--

Mr. D: Oh, alright. There's one more option. But it's deadly foolishness.