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Pixel: Sword Master

Sword Master - lilac_minded
Reviewer - RavingBlack

PLOT:

Is there a clear goal/direction?
No. The plot direction is unclear to me. You specified in your request that you wanted me to focus on the journey of the six characters to becoming swordmasters, but based on what I’ve read, this is not immediately clear or shown to be the central plot. I suggest asking yourself in any given scene, “Is this advancing the plot? Could my readers understand why this scene advances the plot? If it doesn’t advance the plot, how can I rewrite this scene?”

Is the plot compelling to root for?
No, because the plot isn’t clear enough to feel invested in. See the above section and the section labeled: Is the pacing rushed or dragged out?

Is it connected to the characters?
My definition for a plot being connected to a character is for that character’s desires and fears to be ingrained in the events of the plot, driving it forward. Please see the character section for a definition of “fears and desires”.

Because I do not know what the characters’ fears and desires are, I do not know if they are connected to the events of the plot. According to my above definition, the characters have no emotional investment or personal stakes in the plot. I see this as a problem because it makes the overall plot weaker when the characters have no urgent reason to complete the plot, so that means the readers have little reason to care about the plot. I make some suggestions on how to improve this in the character section.

Is the pacing rushed or dragged out?
Pacing is defined as the speed at which the story takes place. The pacing in Sword Master suffers mainly from the uncertainty at what story is taking place. A narrative doesn’t need to have an inciting incident on the first page or even the first five to have good pacing, but a hook is critical. A hook is a story beat that is just as necessary as an inciting incident or climax, and it can be any number of things so long as it retains readers’ interest long enough to the inciting incident. A hook could be something surprising or ominous to stimulate curiosity, but in my opinion the strongest hook would be desire. If the protagonist is shown to want something but is unable to have it for some reason (until the inciting incident arrives), then readers automatically have some brief interest to see how the protagonist goes about getting what they want. Often, the “desire” is what the protagonist chases for the rest of the narrative (becoming hokage, realizing your true identity, getting the girl, etc.). Currently, I have no idea what Aem wants nor do I know what any other character wants. A plot hinges on a character(s) desire to achieve something, so without desire, a plot cannot function.

There have been some events, yes, because Aem has left his castle and is now training under Fujima, but for what purpose? What reason is he training for? Is Aem trying to become a righteous swordsman to atone for the sins of his father? Even if we do know what his desire which the plot hinges upon, what kind of inciting incident would spur him to act upon it?

Because I assume that the plot centers on six main characters’ quest to become swordmasters, you should consider this question for all of them as well. Why do they want to become swordmasters? What step-by-step plan will they take to accomplish this? What is stopping them? Because I don’t know what the plot is, the pacing is confusing to me and dragging out.

CHARACTERS

Are characters’ desires and fears clear?
A character’s desire is what they truly want and is the motivation behind their actions. A character's fear is what they’re running from over the whole plot whilst pursuing their desire. It’s important to show these so readers can better see how a character will experience development and also make them more interesting.