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Aakriti: He's a Psychopath

TITLE: He's a Psychopath
WRITTEN BY: MinEspoir               
REVIEWER:    AakritiPathak                

FIRST IMPRESSION:

>> Cover: Stunning graphics, undoubtedly. I'm by no means a graphic critic. It looks good, that's enough.

>> Title: I will surely have to read more to understand why Felix has been named as Psychopath. As of now the title doesn't seem to develop any valid connection to the plot.

Personal suggestion: What is that one thing or kind of bond between the main leads that bind them together? If you aim to stand out, your story needs to start differently. This starts with the title. A hooking title always grasps a reader's attention. Even if it's just a single word, the word should hold a deep meaning that somehow foreshadows the whole plot. If you go through the hundreds of stories in this genre, the word Psychopath hardly retains the uniqueness now; it has become a generic word. Upon reading the plot I felt the potential in Kiara's storyline. Even Felix is a mysterious character. A title revolving about them could stand out. Possibly search for a synonym!

>> Blurb: On first glance, the prominent Grammatical errors hinder the reading flow. We will talk about technical aspects in later section. Let us talk about what more can be improved:

A good blurb successfully teases the reader. It gives them the right amount of info, building up the anticipation, and then ends in such a way where the reader just jumps into the story and starts searching for the answer that the blurb promises. Let's see this with an example of a Thriller novel, Guest List by Lucy Foley:

"As the champagne is popped and the festivities begin, resentments and petty jealousies begin to mingle with the reminiscences and well wishes. The groomsmen begin the drinking game from their school days. The bridesmaid not-so-accidentally ruins her dress. The bride's oldest (male) friend gives an uncomfortably caring toast. And then someone turns up dead. Who didn't wish the happy couple well? And perhaps more important, why?"

Now, when one reads the blurb, they can pretty much summarize that the aura is of celebration at first, but something sinister is rising beneath the surface, and lastly things have gone down drastically. By the time blurb ends, readers will be filled with many questions.

Coming back to your story now. There is hardly any information given in the blurb worth continuing for. A good blurb gives a hint about the main characters, a glimpse of their normal life, then a hint of sudden shift (hook point), and the ultimate disaster that changes everything for the main lead, followed by a general question.

To make the blurb stronger, you can add the hint of tragedy or any event that will make Seol and Felix stand in a conflicting position. Drop hint about Kiara's death (as far as I've understood, it's a significant event in the story). Will Seol and Felix work together over something? Are they nemesis? Of course you don't have to add everything directly. Just drop the glimpses, add hook points, rising stakes, and then stop. The more interesting you make your blurb, the more it's going to attract the reader.

Play with words, read more varied blurbs and then come up with different versions of your own story's blurb. You can reach out to me anytime for feedback over the new description.

STRUCTURE

Opening: A good first chapter sets the tone for the whole story. It's a deciding factor. Here, as a reader I could not feel the pull. Firstly, the pacing is too fast. In one paragraph I'm getting to know Seol, in the other there's Felix, in next Seol is suddenly following Felix, and in another paragraph there's Kiara. Then in the same chapter we come across Kiara and Felix as potential 'something', and suddenly Seol backs down. I've simply written the gist of the first chapter here, look for yourself the whiplash your readers may get by reading.