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Mads : Scarlet Heart

Scarlet Heart by elifxauraa
Reviewer : CrownedMadness

SUMMARY:
Evelyn Meyers moves from Beaufort to San Francisco for a job at Richmond Holdings Inc. There, she meets the CEO, Eric Richmond, a guarded man with a troubled past. As they draw closer, Evelyn's presence challenges Eric's emotional walls, leading them both to navigate the complexities of love and self-discovery.

PLOT:
I must say you have an engaging and well-crafted blurb. It introduces the main characters, Evelyn and Eric, and sets up the stakes between them, hinting at emotional and personal struggles. Kudos!

The plot is a classic romance with the familiar theme of a guarded character broken through by the softer opposite character. The tropes are well-known—and therefore give a sense of predictability to their story—but there is potential for complex development and interactions between them. The disposition of two contrasting personalities leaves room for possibilities in the storyline. Moreover, the themes of emotional barriers and (potential) healing make a foundation for an engaging and emotional romance novel.

The execution of the plot shows great promise (as I will explain in the upcoming writing section). However, the beginning of the book may benefit from a stronger opening that does justice to the plot (and your writing in the chapters after that) and sets the tone for the rest of the story. It's important to captivate the potential reader from the outset for their sustained engagement throughout the book.

CHARACTERS:
In Chapter 1, Evelyn comes off as a naive young woman, but as the story unfolds in Chapter 4 and Chapter 5, we get a glimpse of her mature, dedicated, and determined side. Her occasional clumsiness and innocence make her an easily likable and endearing character. I found myself empathizing with her as she worked hard on the presentation. Though the instant love and attraction she feels for Eric doesn't make sense to me, considering she has a boyfriend and there's no clear indication they aren't on good terms, I see it as her naive and young side. Overall, she has the potential to evolve wonderfully over the course of the book.

Eric is an enigmatic character. The knowledge of the tragedy in his life and the burden he had to bear allows room for empathizing with his character. Even after five chapters, he remains a mystery as a person, which I think will propel the story forward. I'm curious to know more about him intimately and witness how he will bond with Evelyn. (On a casual side note, if Evelyn is 5'8" and he is a foot taller... are you telling me he's a mammoth of 6'8"!)

In the first two chapters itself, several secondary and minor characters were introduced. Kate is that cheer-girl best friend (that we all need), and Ryan has this ambiguity around him—is he wearing a facade of goodness, or is he actually good?—and that's heightened by Christina's comment. I'm unsure if Ms. Langford is a recurring character, but she gives a curious aura. As side characters, I hope to see Kate and Ryan's evolution and how they will contribute to the main plot.

WORLD-BUILDING:
From the first five chapters, the story mostly takes place at Richmond Holdings Inc. It was surprising to discover that the company is in the fashion business, which added an intriguing element to the story. The way you've developed the company's history, its operations, its involvement in different sectors of the luxury goods market, and the setting is insightful and effectively creates a believable and immersive world. One suggestion I have is regarding the phrasing when Evelyn explains the history—the mention of Ralph seemed out of nowhere, and I wondered about his relation for a moment (I assume Ralph is a child of one of the founding brothers?)

WRITING:
I believe the first-person point-of-view is apt for this storyline to create an intimate connection between the reader and Evelyn. The dialogues are well-crafted, especially the professional conversations. The vocabulary is simple and easily digestible. However, using "orbs" for eyes is off-putting and unusual in published works; unless it serves a specific purpose (for example, a descriptor for something abnormal in a sci-fi setting), refrain from its usage—nothing is more effective than just eyes.

You have a solid ability to describe things. However, the descriptions get repetitive and redundant sometimes, particularly when describing Eric's physicality. Some descriptions also feel like for the sake of describing; for example, "I was wearing a navy blue pencil skirt, a white, black striped shirt, flat black pumps with a small heel, and my dark brown hair was tied in a high bun," would be more impactful if described as a comparison to the other ladies instead of being an info-dump sentence.

There are some jarring transitions in the story. For example, there's an abruptness from Evelyn flaunting her dress to Kate to walking alongside Ryan to the presentation. For showing a time skip, it would be helpful to use visual cues (the most common three asterisks (***)) or, what I'd suggest, adjust the narration to convey the passage of time.

Additionally, I felt that the presentation sequence passed by too quickly, and considering the build-up to it, there's room for improvement. If Evelyn's struggles get portrayed in detail, interspersed with Eric's and Ryan's reactions (or subtle encouragement), the whole sequence will become more lively.

As mentioned before, consider enhancing the opening chapter; in particular, the beginning half is weaker than the latter half of the chapter, and when compared to the forthcoming chapters, in terms of writing and content, it's not strong enough to captivate the reader on the get-go as there's a sense of déjà vu.

However, overall, the pacing is enjoyable, and as said before, the straightforward and conversational tone of "let me tell you my story" will be agreeable for readers seeking lighthearted reads.

GRAMMAR:
The writing requires clean up, but all areas of improvement are easily fixable after thorough proofreading. There is incorrect usage of verb form, comma mishaps (mostly related to dialogue tag vs action beat), and passive voices that can be rephrased into active voice. There is also confusion regarding hyphens (-) and em dash (—); hyphens are used for connecting words, not parenthetical statements. Additionally, the custom is to spell out numbers when in dialogues.

TITLE:
"Scarlet Heart" is an evocative title. It conveys a sense of passion, mystery, and a hint of drama. Also, the color scarlet is often associated with powerful symbolism and some of the strongest human emotions, including passionate love or lust. From that perspective, it effectively aligns with the genre and the storyline. However, "scarlet" and "heart" are recurring words in romance titles, so there's a risk of blending in.

ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
There are lighthearted scenes, moments of sexual tension, and emotional stress throughout the chapters. You possess the ability to carry the readers along for the experience. For example, at the diner and office, I found myself as lost in the daydream and as confused as Evelyn in those moments. Kudos! Somehow, there's a sense of wanting to keep turning the pages—in short, there is an enjoyment. As the plot tightens, the enjoyment scale will level up.

BOTTOMLINE:
Although there is room for improvement, "Scarlet Heart" has a promising start. Continue to delve into the characters' emotional struggles and obstacles. I foresee the book being successful among fans of workplace romance, CEO/Billionaire trope, and (slight) grumpy x sunshine dynamics. Keep writing!