THE ONE by shytabby
Reviewer: CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
David has feelings for Sarah from a young age, even knowing she's off-limits as his best friend's sister and his best cousin's good friend. Now, after fifteen years apart, their unexpected reunion reignites his feelings, leaving him torn between past and newfound love.
PLOT:
The blurb provides insight into David and Sarah, as well as David's love dilemma, which is the main plot. The withheld details of his "newfound love" create intrigue. Overall, a well-crafted blurb. However, on a side note, switching to a more present approach for the conclusive paragraph would add more emphasis. For example, instead of saying, "...they finally came face to face...", you could use "come," and then consider combining the following sentence by removing the phrase "when their paths crossed unexpectedly," as it is repetitive.
The plot is a classic romance setup using a love triangle, a trope many readers find appealing. David's long-standing feelings for Sarah will be a strong emotional foundation, and the internal conflict about his feelings versus social boundaries (best friend's sister) adds tension, which is great for a romance. Now adding a "newfound love" further complexes David's romantic life, enhancing the overall plot, too.
The execution has been neat so far, and how each chapter flows into the next is engaging. The narration style is good. However, there's a slight tendency for info-dumping, especially in the opening chapter. But David's backstory is necessary information, although I'd have preferred it to be slowly dispersed throughout the book—just food for thought. I also felt the opening chapter could have included the meet-up since the pace feels tepid as of now. If you're aiming for a slow pace, that's fine; otherwise, adding a cliffhanger ending with their meet-up could create more tension and momentum in the story. Regardless, overall, kudos!
CHARACTERS:
David is a layered and relatable character. His struggles, compassion, and calm demeanor will resonate with the readers. Sarah, on the other hand, appears warm, unreserved, and vulnerable—and from what David says, a little boisterous, too. The "opposites attract" dynamic between them is another engaging trope that many will love to read. However, I'm still unsure where or why David's indifference toward Sarah stems from, especially since he's head over heels for her. I suggest adding more internal reflection or specific anecdotes from his past to illustrate his present actions and emotions—again, echoing my previous comment regarding the sparsing information here. The relationship he has with Shelley is cute.
The "newfound love" I imagine is Mabel. She is a positive force, reflective and responsible, and in many ways, compatible with David's character. She is a dynamic character navigating the complexities of single motherhood, and her optimistic view of love adds depth to her character. The friendship between Mabel and Shelley is engaging, and their conversation feels natural.
Shelley's role in this installment is an embodiment of support, for her friends Mabel and Sarah, as well as her cousin David, making her an important part of the narrative.
However, compared to the previous installment "The Long Wait," Shelley's characterization feels a bit inconsistent. She's more composed and less erratic here, which could be because the story is focused from David's perspective. But I felt the same about David in this book; he had given me the impression of a fun, goofy person with his jokes (for example, the fruitcake comment comes to mind) in the previous book, which is entirely different from who he is in this book. I'm not sure if this shift was intentional, but I wanted to mention it for your consideration.
You asked for feedback on the character introduction chapter. I'm not sure what specific feedback you're expecting, but you have a dynamic cast of characters. I see the potential for a lot of conflict and tension, which is great.
WORLD-BUILDING:
The setting descriptions are well-written and give a vivid visual and ambiance. My only suggestion is to be mindful not to get carried away with details, as depending on the scenario, sometimes less is more. Otherwise, good job!
On a side note, I imagine the story is set in Ghana as you mention Cape Coast. I wish the descriptions were tailored to showcase more of the culture and vibrancy of Ghana. Right now, it feels like a somewhat generic urban atmosphere. I think weaving more of the local elements would give the story more life and novelty.
WRITING:
From my perspective, the writing is significantly more solid than in "The Long Wait." The scenes flow smoothly into one another without hindrances or disorientation, which is something I noted in the previous book. So, kudos on that!
The descriptions are well-written; however, as I mentioned before, being mindful of their placement and length, as well as replacing generic details with more unique ones, will help the story feel more alive and distinct. Another thing I noticed is that you're omitting scenes that played out in the previous book. While this is a clever tactic when telling the same timeline twice, there are scenes where I felt you could have showcased the dynamics between the characters instead of relying on telling. For example, in Chapter 3, when David and Shelley are walking to the apartment, you simply mention "lively conversation" and "easy banter," but it was a great space to show the depth and dynamic of their bond to the readers through some childhood reminiscences or something.
Generally, there's a tendency to lean on telling, also a reliance on adverbs. For example, "looking deep into her eyes, he added sincerely," here the use of "sincerely" feels redundant, as the unwavering gaze already conveys that sincerity.
The tone of the writing and the vocabulary are apt for the story, and the dialogue is well-executed, too. Overall, kudos!
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
The writing is generally grammatically sound. However, I suggest removing unnecessary repetitive phrases where you can to enhance clarity and improve the flow of sentences. There are also few rare typos. For example, in Chapter 5, David says, "You need to speak with Adam" instead of Ben*. Similarly, "Responded, "What do you mean, 'seen anything I like?' I was just being nice," she said..." Here "responded" and "said" are saying the same thing. I'm sure you'll catch similar typos once you proofread. Overall, good job!
TITLE:
"The One" is easy to remember and meets the expectations of a romance genre. It also aligns with the plot of David's journey to discover who is "the one" for him. However, it lacks a unique selling point and feels somewhat cliché, causing the book to get lost among the similar titles in the genre.
BOOK COVER:
The book cover is a neat design. Although I have personal reservations about AI art, the imagery of the man and two women is chosen well; it complements the plot, giving an immediate sense of a love triangle. My only suggestion is to simplify the colour scheme. There are too many colours within the image itself that I recommend using one bold color for the text to make it stand out and cohesive.
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
The chapters are short and binge-worthy. I particularly enjoyed how easy it was to read through them. The dynamic cast of characters and how their stories overlap and interact is interesting to watch. As I mentioned before, how David gets tangled with Mabel and Sarah in a love triangle will engage the lovers of the trope. A lot of engaging factors. Kudos!
BOTTOMLINE:
I feel "The One" is stronger than its predecessor, "The Long Wait," in many ways, especially the storytelling. Your skills have improved, and I can only imagine them getting better. "The One" will appeal to fans of the "love triangle" trope, but with a much more mature perspective, and those seeking diverse literature. Keep writing!
