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Pixel : Hide and Seek

Hide and seek By ashlynpy
Reviewer: RavingBlack

PLOT

Is there a clear goal/direction?

Since this is a romance novel, the plot of the novel is supposed to track the relationship of the two leads with their eventual romantic relationship being the end goal of the plot. In this respect, it seems clear enough that Daphne and Andrej being together are the end goal of the plot. The way that they will get together will happen over the course of the game, so the plot direction is clear, but I think that defining the cult game a little more clearly will help readers understand more.

Is it connected to the characters?

My definition for a plot being connected to a character is for that character's desires and fears to be tied in the events of the plot. By pursuing the plot, the character will naturally be pursuing their true desire as well. Please see the character section for a definition of "fears and desires".

I believe it's important to consider and answer these questions in the novel because it not only provides characters a reason to want to pursue the plot but it also provides a reason for readers to be emotionally invested in the plot's actions. Take, for example, Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Darcy wants to marry Elizabeth who he loves, BUT he is afraid to lower himself by marrying below his station. This could be simplified into Darcy desires love BUT fears humbling himself. Darcy has a reason to want to pursue the plot (being with Elizabeth) because he wants love, but he has a fear that sabotages his obtaining the desire (humbling himself). Mr. Darcy is connected to the plot and has clear emotional stakes in the plot, and the readers who are eager to see him overcome his pride to finally unite with Elizabeth, are also emotionally invested in his success.

Since I do not know Daphne or Andrej's desires or fears, I cannot say they are connected to the plot. What does Daphne get if she enters a relationship with Andrej? What is stopping her from doing so? I don't know the answers to these questions for either her or Andrej.

Is the pacing rushed or dragged out?

The pacing is dragged out. The external conflict is progressing at a reasonable pace as they are already at the second round, I assume, but their internal conflict seems stagnant. I fail to see how they have grown very much as characters from the first chapter as opposed to the last chapter. If they had developed, it is unclear or too subtle for me to pick up on. I feel that it would be good to pay more attention to the characters' internal development and make sure that they are progressing at a reasonable pace with the external conflict.

Is the plot compelling to root for?

It is hard to want to know what happens next in the plot because I am confused as to what is happening or has happened in the plot. This is mostly attributed to my confusion toward the exact rules of the game, why it is played, and how they have evaded the law for so long. I don't understand how Andrej is allowed to continue sexually assaulting Daphne (I qualify it as sexual assault, but even if it is not, how would the game organizers know about the assault?). I also don't know why blood or puppy organs are key to the game. Because so many aspects of the game are unexplained or unexplored, this all seems very arbitrary and confusing to follow.

And because a romance would naturally be very dependent on its characters for the plot, the characters' ambiguous motives and personalities also make it difficult to invest in the plot through them.

CHARACTERS

Are characters' desires and fears clear?

A character's desire is what they truly want and is the motivation behind their actions. A character's fear is what they're running from over the whole plot whilst pursuing their desire. It's important to show these so readers can better see how a character will experience development and also make them more interesting.