I was freezing my tits off just waiting for something to happen. The blanket draped over my hips was scratchy and annoying. It was just there so my modesty was intact. The stupidest part was the fact that I felt the need to hide my panties in my jeans. They know I wear underwear! Why is it so bad for them to see it on the chair where my pants were? Trick question, it wasn't. I was so unbelievably bored just waiting for the doctor to come in but nervous for when they ultimately did. My usual OB was on vacation so I didn't know what to expect with this new doctor. I hated the nerves. I hated feeling exposed. Like usual when I was anxious, I traced the Medusa tattoo on my thigh. Reminding myself of all that I had overcome was so important. I survived that so I could survive a trip to the doctors.
The door swung open finally. I didn't have time to be relieved for long because then I caught sight of the most gorgeous specimen of a man walk through the door. No way this dude was a doctor. Not a chance in hell. I knew it was wrong to assume all pretty people were stupid. It's just that a guy this attractive doesn't waste twelve years of his life becoming a doctor. I was very grateful I didn't have my feet in the stirrups yet. I was grateful I was sitting up with my legs covered. Oh dear lord was this a terrible idea. The overwhelming urge to bolt out the door hit me like a truck. He turned to me, probably about to introduce himself, when he stopped in his tracks and almost stumbled backwards. His movements were minute. Barely perceptible. But I was far too observant. It took a couple seconds but he was finally able to reclaim his composure. With long practiced strides, he walked over to me and held out his hand. "Dr. Kline,"
"Mary," I said softly, introducing myself. Staring at him was like staring at the sun. I dropped my gaze to my lap and tucked an invisible strand of hair behind my ear. "I...um... is there another doctor available? Scratch that, is there a female doctor available?"
He cocked his head to the side and studied me intently. The heat of his gaze seared into me. "No, Mary, I'm sorry. We can reschedule your appointment until your normal doctor is back." Somehow hearing his deep voice caress my name stabbed me in the heart and somewhere below my naval. Strange. I truly wanted Kate back but I also didn't want to wait. This had to be taken care of today. I didn't want to waste another second.
"No, it's okay. I just had to ask. I'm sure you read my file so you know why I had to ask," my voice was annoyingly small and quiet. I spent so much of my life learning how to speak up, to gain confidence, and now it was all torn to shreds by a handsome man in a white coat. Fuck, the white coat was hot.
"Mm," he hummed without saying anything for a minute or so. Then he spoke up. "Actually I didn't read your file. I prefer to make my own conclusions and diagnosis. Sometimes doctors only approach things from one angle and they never consider a different thing entirely. A second set of eyes never hurt anyone. So, why are you here today Mary?"
Taking a deep breath, I steadied my breathing and tried to calm my heart. "Please don't judge me," I pleaded. He held up his hands which I took as a promise to not judge and sat down on the doctors chair. His head on came up to around my waist and I forced myself to continue to look at him. "I talked to Kate about this multiple times but we never found any reason for this. It's been a decade and I still can't do it. No matter what I try or anyone else tries, I still can't do it."
"Can't do what?" He asked. I closed my eyes tight and tried to forget who I was talking to. He would judge me. It was inevitable. Chanting to myself that he wasn't here and that I was at home. Telling myself to just get over it and say what the problem was. I was alone and all I had to do was say it out loud. That's all.
"I can't have an orgasm. This needs to be fixed now. My boyfriend and I are going to make love tonight and I'm tired of faking. I'm tired of not getting any pleasure. Even flying solo, I can't do it. I'm losing my mind. The frustration is driving me insane. I'm also really not good at faking an orgasm so every sexual partner I've had has known almost immediately that it's fake and they did nothing. I'm sure their confidence took a hit afterwards and it's really not their fault." I rambled on until I saw the smirk on his face. What the actual fuck? I knew he would judge me! "You know what? This was a bad idea. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
