my public journal

pondering

10/17/23

i had an actual conversation with him today down in the fishbowl 😝 (this is what we call our cafeteria)

me and my two friends were meeting down there to work on some yearbook stuff because we're in yearbook lol.

a lil background btw- lots of people from different grades/classes were meeting in the fishbowl because there was these firefighters that came in to show people who were interested in becoming one someday.

then this is where my friend comes up to me and she's like.

"your guy is sitting over there at a table alone."

and the way i gasped yall 😭. i went on a mission to go find him.

and when i saw him let me just say, i kinda felt sad. cause like he was sitting alone away from everyone else and like he looked nervous.

he has some friends he hangs out with but most of the time i see him walk around the school alone... okay i'll get more into this after.

so anyways i was walking up to him and he saw me. and like he looked up and saw me walking towards him and he looked nervous as i was getting closer to him.

and when i was close enough to say hi, he did that 'what's up' type of head nod lol.

and then i just asked him what he was doing and he was just saying how he was just wanting to learn about the firefighters job lol.

we didn't talk much cause the group was going outside to the fire truck so he talked to me for a second and then he had to go, but i still talked to him and didn't just say hi and walk away lolz.

but yeah so that happened today and also i just have to say, he was really chill to talk to and i wanna talk to him some more but i'm just scared i'll annoy him :/

also, yk the reels that you can watch on instagram? and do yk how you can see what reels other people like?

well i can see the reels that tyler likes and some of them are talking about a girl and like it could be about me but also not?? and like some of the reels he be liking are sad, like not all of them but there's a few depressing reels that he like and it about mental health and like i feel really bad.

cause i wanna ask him about his day but ik he's just gonna be like "good wbu" type shit and it's like no, tell me in detail about your day and how your actually doing. i want to know this stuff like i just want him to be real with me.

and like also he liked this one reel about how his phone is affecting his life and how he doesn't like being on his phone. and like it makes total sense because i'll be walking and then boom, there he is and i notice that he doesn't have his face shoved in a screen. he doesn't wear headphones or airpods, nothing when he's walking around the school.

he just ponders and has his hands in the pockets of his black sweats that he always seems to wear. and like he's just different.. cause almost every person at my school had headphone in their ears and a screen right in front of their face, but not him.

idk i just find him mysterious and like i just wonder what he's thinking about when he walks.