Desperate Desires

Growth

Unedited 

"Hey Ren can you give this to Dr. Hoffman?" I asked Loren, Madeline's friend and colleague, a beautiful woman a mother of two children, Loren tried hard to finish her degree and become the doctor of her dreams, all thanks to her wife's help, who's also my patient who still has trauma and has some anxiety problems from her days of transitioning.

After bidding Loren fair well, I went on my way to my own side of the hospital. It was a Monday and Madeline still has her shift which she went in yesterday and I thought it was a good idea to bring her some home cooked food. Tomato soup in a thermos and a couple of sandwiches in another thermos and some cut fruits. I hope she eats it.

As the day wore on, it was soon time for lunch and I decided to go the coffee shop opposite the hospital that sells some of the best pastries and coffee and breakfast food. It was a big shop with lots of seats but still gave off a homey ambiance which was a patient or their family needs. As I got up to go, I got a text from my obi saying they are both going to meet me for lunch.

*****

"Hey Obi." I whispered hugging my obi, my dad's partner, our savior. If isn't for him I don't know what would have happened to my dad and I. I am closer to my obi than I am to my dad even though I was biologically his. My obi is the most important person next to Madeline. They thought me as their own and didn't have anymore kids even though they wanted to because I had abandonment issues after what happened with my mother. My obi was that kind of parent who threw a tantrum when I went to college next, called me every night, basically forcing me to make a schedule so that I can face time them. It was also one of the reasons for why I came here for my fellowship since I wanted to be closer to them both but I didn't think for one second that my obi will sob for me to stay with them till I finish my fellowship and it was a very hard time to convince them to say yes for me moving out, only on the condition that I stay only ten minutes from them and they help me buy my house, no rental. That was also one of the reasons why Madeline's house is ten minutes from both our parents' houses. Even after I moved out my parents made the mandatory rule to visit them every day and I think that's what helped me get over my break up with Madeline years ago. After that night, it felt like my whole world was collapsing and the first person that came to my mind who won't ridicule or call me an idiot for my feeling were my parents. And they didn't. They in fact took their vacation leave, a week to stay with me and cheer me up. The first year after my break up was really hard. I was like a breathing moving shell, a literal breathing corpse. I lost weight, stopped talking to people and even went to the verge of losing my job if not for Madeline's mom understanding the fact that something wasn't good and she helped me by funding my projects which is what kept me sane. A few months passed but everything still felt the same way, the pain of separation still felt the same way.

After six months, my Obi's mother, my grandmother passed away. A woman who thought of me like her own kid, who stood up for me in front of my cousins for my equality even I was adopted, passed away. That night I cried, after one and a half years I cried but the tears of my Obi for his mom was what made me cry even harder. They cried for her loss, the same way they cried for me every day and finally it felt like my shell was broken.

Everything slowly changed, even though the pain was still there, I started talking, talking to everyone and finally started talking to a psychiatrist about my issues. It wasn't easy. For the first few sessions I wasn't even able to talk but slowly we started addressing every problem, from the root, my mother's death. After every session I used to cry in my parent's arms at night and they were there to support me. Slowly the number of sessions lessened and so did my tears even though the pain of the void was still there, but the void was not the center anymore. After one of my intense sessions, I saw an injured dog and that was Coco who I adopted, who became my company for a long haul.