Again

5

I was back in LA after a while to spend some time with the kids. I picked them up in New York after spending a few hours with my family. Off course Lynda was curious about how things were going between me and Ben, but I didn't really want to give her anything about that yet. I only made sure she wouldn't say anything to my mother, since I knew she would act crazy knowing Ben and I were talking again. She never made any secret of her praying that one day we would be back together.
As I unpacked my suitcase while the kids were busy in their rooms, I couldn't stop thinking about him. We texted a little bit after that phone call, and I would tell him when I would be back in LA. I grabbed my phone and saw that he send me a picture of his morning coffee. It was something he did for fun, since I secretly always laughed about his paparazzi pictures with his morning coffee.
"Good choice." Was what I always wrote back, knowing it was mostly the same coffee everyday.
It was after a while that I came back here in my house in Bel Air, but it felt so nice. I feel so safe whenever I am here, it's just so calm and peaceful. The most important thing is that it is also very private. And that was something I could use more than ever now.

I decided to take a break from unpacking my suitcase, in order to cook something for dinner for me and the kids. We always listened to music while they helped me cooking. "Mom, can we listen to some songs today that we don't really know about?" Max asked. I nodded, while I saw him going through my albums on Spotify.
I saw that he clicked on 'This is me...Then' as I tried to hide my feelings. They said that they mostly didn't know any song of it, except for some famous onces like 'Jenny from the Block'.
He then clicked on 'Im Glad' and we started to listen to the song. It was a while after I listened to the song, while it was one of my all time favorites. It had a special meaning to me, although it was one they didn't know about.
"It sounds so good." They said. I was really touched and surprised by their honest opinion since they aren't often that open to me anymore now that they entered their teenager phase.
"Thank you, guys." Was all that I said.
"You should perform it!" Max said.
"I don't know, maybe some time.."
"Mom, promise me you will do it. You have that concert coming up in May. I think you could do that. You always ask us for our opinion."
I laughed. "I will think about it. Dinner is ready."
I wanted to click on another song, but they said that they weren't ready listening. "I want to hear this one." Max said while he clicked on 'Dear Ben'. Although they knew who Ben was, they didn't know much details. It was after years that I listened to this song again, and although it felt a little akward to me, I noticed that they didn't ask any questions after the song was over.
"No questions on this one?" I laughed.
"No." They said. "Just that we never heard you like that before."

As the kids went to bed, I saw that they left the iPad on the kitchen table. The playlist of 'This is me...Then' was still open. I went through the songs and each one held a special meaning. They were right, I never wrote or performed another song like one on that album. I was too afraid to perform songs about him, about us. It was too painful to even think about it. As much as I liked writing those songs, I was hiding most of them far away in my memory. I clicked again on 'I'm Glad' and started to listen to the song. I thought about the day he proposed to me while the song was playing in the background. It was our favorite song on the album. His favorite. Of course he liked all the other songs too, but this one was different he said. I remember the times he danced and sang with me on this song. Even though he wasn't a dancer or singer, he had much fun. The way he always whispered the lyrics in my ear, while holding me close, was his favorite thing to do. As I closed my eyes I tried to remember how I used to feel in his arms. How he used to kiss my forehead and stroke my hair. I opened my eyes again, and without hesitation i grabbed my phone.
I clicked on his number and started to call him.
"Hi, Jen." I heard after a few seconds.
"Hi." I smiled.
"I'm back in LA." I said. "Only for the weekend though."
He chuckled. "How was your day?"
I told him about the kids wanting to listen to some old songs.
"They deserve to know those masterpieces, Jen." He said.
I smiled. Always hyping me up.
"Masterpieces because they were about you, huh?" I laughed.
"I didn't want to say that, but you did it for me." He laughed.
But he was right, they deserved to know.
"Jen?"
"Huh?"
"Can I please see you?" He asked.
I was quite for a moment, but it was clear that I wanted to see him too.
"Okay."
Surprised by my own answer, I felt my heart suddenly beating fast again. "I think you can come over." I said.