Again

24

Ben needed to go to New York for work, which meant that we were already a few days apart from each other. It was still hard for us to be apart. Although I understood that we couldn't be together 24/7, it was actually all that I wanted. I missed him from the moment he left, and my heart felt empty without him. I tried to be strong, and to not let him show my real emotions, but I think that he figured it out since I found a letter on my pillow after the moment that he left. I picked the letter again to read it for what it felt like the hundredth time.

My Love,

You know that writing letters for you is one of my favorite things to do. I love writing letters, because the words that are written down will forever stay in there. You can look at the words, read the letter over and over again, and relive the feelings that the letters are causing.

Loving you is easy, it's something that I automatically do. I loved you from the moment that I saw you for the first time. Your bright smile and your pure heart immediately got my attention. You take care of everyone and you are always kind. You're the example of the person I want to be. You teach me how to be a better person, and I want to be that person for you. And for our kids.

For years, I felt empty without you. My heart wasn't beating the same way because it was missing you. You're not only the woman that I love most, but you're also my best friend. You're my better half and the piece that I was missing.
I want you to know that I'm nothing without you.
You're the reason why I am the man who am I am, now. You're the one that always believes in me, and stands by my side. Even at times when I mind don't deserve it. You're one of a kind and you really mean the world to me.

Living with regrets and an emptiness in my heart was painful. I believed for almost two decades that I would never have the chance again to hold you in my arms. To smell your scent, or to tell you how much I love you.
Being with you now is the best thing that happened to me. You gave me the chance to proof that I can be the man that you always knew I was. The one you always believed in. Words can't describe how grateful I am for this second chance. And I want you to know that I will be the best version of myself that you and our family deserve.

I know that being apart is hard for the both of us. I wished that I could take your past bad memories about me away. I wished that I had never hurt you or disappointed you. But the sad truth is that I did. And I can't tell you enough how I wished that I could turn back in time and change that. But I need to accept that I can't. And like you said, what I can do is to make our future even better.

I'll be home soon. I love you.

B x

-

Reading this letter from him, brought me straight into tears. It was insane how he always knew what I felt or wanted to hear. He knew exactly how to calm me down and make me feel better. And he was right, the beautiful thing about letters were that you could read the words over and over again.
After a while I cleaned my face and walked downstairs to make dinner for me and the twins.

"Mom, I need to finish my math homework but I don't understand it. I just hate math. I feel like I will never be good in it." Max said while we were eating.

I looked at him with a worried face, since we both knew that nobody else in this house besides Ben would be able to help him. Math was never Max his favorite subject, and it wasn't mine either. But he started to understand it more when Ben explained him some things. It always melted my heart to see how patient and sweet Ben was with the kids. He clearly took his time to help them whenever they asked something, and although I always did my best too, it was heartwarming to see how he always did it.

"I'll call Ben later, and see if he maybe got some time to help you, okay? Don't worry too much about it. I know that you're doing your best."
I sweetly said to him.
He looked at me with a relieved face.
"Thank you, mom."

After we finished dinner and did the dishes, I saw an incoming FaceTime call from Ben. It was the perfect timing.

"Hi, baby." I said with a big smile.
"Hi, sweetheart. How are you?"
"I'm good, we just finished dinner. Max is a little grumpy though, he needs your help with math. But if you need to rest, I'll tell him."

"No, of course I will help. Where is he?"
I sweetly looked at him, and I also felt relieved because I didn't want to face a grumpy Max for the rest of the night.
"Max, Ben wants to talk to you."

As Max walked over towards me, he took my phone and talked to Ben. He asked Ben how he could solve his assignment, and I heard how Ben was taking his time to explain it to him.
"Do you understand it a little bit better, bud?" He sweetly asked him.
I looked at Max from a distance, and saw how he gave Ben a sweet smile.
"Yes, thank you, you're the best."
Ben chuckled and asked Max if he could talk to me again.

Max handed me my phone, and I walked upstairs to finish our conversation.
"Thank you for helping him, you're a hero." I smiled.

"Any time, baby. I'll be back tomorrow."
"What? Already tomorrow? I thought you needed a few days more."
"I actually do, but I want to be home with you. I made it work that we can do the rest of the work in LA, so there is no need to be in New York anymore.

"Really? That's great. I can't wait to see you, I really missed you. And I wanted to thank you for your letter. And I appreciate all the effort you do to be home."

He sweetly smiled at me.
"I just don't want to miss any more time with you. You and our family are my priority."