Again

28

I hugged the twins tightly as I was ready to take my flight to Canada. Ben would drop me off at the airport, so this was my moment to say goodbye. It was hard leaving them, but I knew they would be in the best hands possible. Besides, it helped knowing that they wouldn't miss me that much. They already made a lot of friends and made clear to me every day that they were becoming adults and didn't need me that much anymore.

"Please, be sweet to Ben." I whispered to them.
They smiled and kissed me back.
"We will."

Ben took my suitcases to the car as I followed him. We were quiet during the ride, both adjusting to the idea of being apart for a few days. I couldn't help pressing kisses on his face and neck while he was driving.

"Babe, you're distracting me. If you're not being careful I will make sure to keep you in this car. I won't let you go anywhere" He giggled.
I smiled as I gave him a few kisses more, before I admired his face.

We arrived at the airport where my jet was ready to take me to my destination. I sighed as I stepped out of the car. Ben immediately walked towards me and pulled me into his embrace. I deeply inhaled his scent as I felt how he kissed my head.

"You're going to be great, you got this." He whispered.

I smiled and pressed a long kiss on his lips. We couldn't stop letting go of each other and didn't want to stop kissing each other. Some would think it was a scene of a final goodbye, and thar we would be apart forever. Truth was that it was no forever goodbye, but that we couldn't help feeling the heavy weight of letting go of each other. It might be some PTSD from the past, but we really had a difficult time letting go of each other.

"Don't worry about the kids." He whispered as he pulled me closely to his chest. "I'll take good care of them." He continued.

I pulled away to look him in the eyes and smiled softly at him. We both knew it was time for me to go, as we saw how the pilot was already waiting for me to board.
As I stepped on the stairs of the jet, I turned my body to take a look at Ben for the last time. His face looked sad, and somehow brought back bad memories in my mind. The only thing I could do was to pull him close again and press some last kisses on his lips.

"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it." I whispered in his ear.

He kept on holding me close, not ready to let me go yet.

"When you feel so cold that you can't sleep at night.. promise to call me." He said.

I smiled at his sudden thought, he already knew I would have a hard time sleeping since it would be very cold in the snow, and even colder without him sleeping next to me. It was not something I looked forward to, but knowing that he would be there for me, even from a distance, was a relieved thought.

—

As I was busy filming in Canada, Ben made sure that everything at home was going well. He took the kids to school, made sure they were eating well every day and helped them with their home work. Especially on the days when his kids joined the club too, it was a house full of chaos but especially full of love.

During our FaceTime calls I could see how he had his hands full, but that he handled it well and that they had so much fun.
And I was right, they didn't seem to miss me much since they loved the way Ben was entertaining them. Off course, he allowed more stuff and they were getting to bed a little later, but it didn't bother me knowing that it was a typical dad thing to do.

It warmed my heart knowing that we had this new life together, in which we could share our roles as parents and do it together. It was our biggest dream to have a house full of kids, and now our dream became a reality. Not in the way we expected it, but it was still a miracle that it happened to us.

The love I was feeling for him was growing every day. I didn't know that I could love him more than I already did, until I saw him with all of our kids. It was an indescribable feeling, one I had in mind for many years. I used to fantasize about him with our boy, the way how he would play with him, teach him things and have fun with him. Seeing how my imagination became a reality was an overwhelming feeling. We both knew how we hurt each other in the past by realizing our family dreams with other people, which is why it was an unbelievable thought that these kids were brought in our, and each others, lives by the universe. It was a healing idea that we could finally look to the future and end the past.