Taylor Swift - Mother Imagines (GxG+P)

4.0 | Your Mothers Daughter (requested)

For this, please pretend 'Clean' came out as a single, out later, when you were 12, so whichever year you want, just keep in mind the age.

Tw: burnout, mental health, self harm.

————

Another day of your life that you woke up wishing you hadn't. Your eyes were puffy and swollen, you're dizzy and the world seems to be spinning fast as fuck. Your alarm goes off, but you haven't even slept. You're just so tired of your sleepless and mindful nights, when you're sweating in bed, struggling to be kept sober. Even after your alarm stops ringing, Taylor wakes you up almost everyday that she can, just to make sure you're not back asleep. She's on her way to your room, and she's taken back by your appearance.

"Good morning, my baby. Did you sleep well?"

"Uhum." you said.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, whatever. I don't fucking care." That's what you thought, not what you said. "Yeah, I'm alright, just tired. I should get going, I have school."

"But.. but baby, you seem tired. Did you even get a good night's sleep?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I know you went to bed late yesterday, I was recording until dawn and I heard you." She let it out in a sigh.

"How many times have I told you not to spy on me??" You sigh, frustrated.

"Baby, I wasn't spying, but you should not go to bed late on a school night! What were you even doing?"

"I was studying, mom. I have that chemistry test on Friday and I won't have time to study because I have practice tomorrow for the upcoming tournament. I need to strengthen my grip. By the way, I should be headed to the gym, I don't have time to stay here. I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later." You say, running towards your bathroom, before your mom could even respond back to everything you had just said.

——

After a whole day of studying, humiliating practice, sore workout and crying, you were absolutely exhausted. Tired of living in a constant state of anxiety that eventually only repeats itself. Don't sleep at all, cry everyday, current panic attacks, the feeling of anxiety, mixed with feeling loose about the near future. Struggling to even keep food down some days, and the biggest problem of them all, staying also focused to not relapse. You were almost three years clean, and you didn't want to go down that dark path again, it was such a dark time for both you and your mom. She caught you self-harming when you were twelve. and helped you through it all, but it was coming all back.

You had made progress, and she was beyond proud. It felt so unreal for you, having someone who cared, someone who encouraged you.
But reality was knocking on your door. That's because you don't want people to be worried about you. There's nothing to worry about, because for that, you'd have to be understood first, de codified. And you couldn't even understand yourself, how would they? You were scared, to better say terrified. Not only that, but seemingly embarrassed. You wouldn't reach out, not even if you absolutely had to. You were puzzled and didn't know what to do, but soon enough realized you had another test and more practice in less than twenty four hours. You had to pick yourself up, no matter how deeply fucked you were. You ran your fingers through your visible but faded scars. You stopped yourself, but not because you knew it was wrong, but because you had to study.

—-

The same feeling from last morning rushed through, but life was still going through its course anyway. Once again, you expected to see mom, who would wake you up everyday, but you noticed you were early instead. You had two hours of spare time. For any living soul, that'd be good, right?? More time to sleep in and to not rush into your morning routine.