Taylor Swift - Mother Imagines (GxG+P)

10.0 | Finals, finally...

Hey, everyone. First I'd like to adress this: Thank you for all of your kind messages, they mean the world to me. Yes, I am doing better, everyday is different, yesterday was terrible, today was less terrible, and thats how it goes. I'll be posting more often, I promise. For now, I hope this chapter makes sense; it might have a few more parts to it, it depends on how much y'all will like it. Send suggestions :))

Send requests, as well!!

In this, i'll be trying something different, let me know what you like best;

Also, in this chapter, the character has ADHD and a name! Yeah, real.

Your name is Blair Hope Swift - no pun intended :)

Also: TW!!
- Suicidal ideation & attempts
-Self harm
-Burnout

Blair took a deep breath, closing her physics book. Text week was not easy on her; mainly only being in AP classes. She hadn't had a good night's sleep in what felt like forever. She could feel herself getting lost on calculus, crazy notes and lots of coffee and energy drinks. Barely hanging on for dear life, the fifteen year old got up from her seat, slowly making her way to the bathroom. She felt sick, suffocated; She needed an out, desperately. But she had no time for that. Besides having to study, she needed a distraction from all the sharp words and thoughts running wild and freely. This feeling wasn't new, having had a history with struggling with her mental health. It was a daily war, an uphill battle against her own mind. However, Taylor was with Blair for and through anything. She was helped during the darkest times and deepest cuts. It even made the girl smile, just thinking of it. Taylor was never judgy' of the situation, and didn't mind getting her bathroom and her shirt bloody for her daughter. She always made sure the girl knew how much her life mattered, and how important it was to have her there. Her special laugh, her funny remarks and her witty personality. She also made sure to have Blair know that if she was ever in need, Taylor was only one call away.

But, Taylor wasn't home. And if she was, she'd be in a meeting, or in a call, or studying her schedule. She wouldn't be available, she's a busy woman. She doesn't have time for my shit. - Blair thought

It would absolutely shatter Taylor to hear how poorly Blair thought of herself.

After all, in Blair's mind, she had everything everyone could ever want. Why would you complain, or worse, why would you want to end your own life if you have anything you want? She thought.

What didn't make it to her young mind was that there's different problems for different people. Some people struggle with money, some people with time, and some with themselves. There's no such thing as "real or fake" problems. A problem is a problem regardless of what you can do about that. But to her, it was always superficial. It didn't matter if she wanted to take her own life, there's people out there that have gone hungry. Poor Blair didn't understand that their pain didn't make hers less important or less deserved of attention or help.

Shaky breath, trying to bring herself back to reality. After quite a few failed attempts, Blair was only sure of one thing: she was already gone. And if that was the case, if she was already one mentally speaking, it was only a matter of time and pills to get her body in the same state as her mind. Vanished completely. But, before she could do anything else to hurt her integrity, she had to text Taylor, before drifting off to sleep and never waking up again.

" I love you, mom.💜" is what the text message read.

A glass of water and a handful of pills was all she needed to make the pain go away. Taking them all slowly, the teenager also had a blade in her possession. A cut for each killer mistake she'd ever made. Starting from her stomach scars, Blair cried. Not because of physical pain, it didn't even bother that much anymore. It was the noise inside of her head that made her whine and cry and twist and turn. She could spend the whole day explaining why she needed to go, why she needed to leave. Sometimes, people with very loud inside voices could get used to the silence that was the end of life. Underground was free of noises, loud voices and dangerous thoughts. People with internal battles finally get some peace. And that was exactly what Blair needed, some silence and some peace. Eternal peace.

Laying on her bed, she took a deep breath, picked up a pen and a piece of paper and started doodling an apology.

"Mommy, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have to go now. My clock is ticking. I hope you know it's not your fault I feel this way, it's entirely mine. I'm sorry this is the last thing you have to read before I'm gone. I'm sorry if the last image you had of me was my lifeless, cold and stiff body. I wish there was some other way, but there's not. I've been trying my whole life, but still isn't enough, it has never been. Please, don't blame yourself. I love you, mom. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. Thank you, for everything. Thank you for the life you've provided, for all the times you've rescued me, but at this rate, I can't be saved. I'm constantly haunted with my own shadow, my own presence and thoughts. I can't breathe anymore, it feels like gravity is pushing me back. My time is running; I promise to look after you. Please, don't think I'm in heaven, I can't get in. And I'll know I probably won't see you again, but I just wanted you to know that I love, and I always will. Thank you for making my days less painful. You're my angel, momma 🧡 thank you for being here for me when I needed and I'm sorry inócuos hold on, it just gets loud sometimes. Until we meet again, Tay-Ta. I'll be alright, and I know you will, too. I'm just trying to find peace and give you closure.
    With all my love and care, Blair Hope Swift.

It wasn't half of what Taylor deserved. She deserved a whole text, a page, a fucking notebook of sweet words and apologies, but you couldn't write anymore. Blair was choking up, and her muscles were getting weaker by the time. The paper also had a few drops of blood here and there. The grip on the pen was getting less stronger, and her fingers were twitching.

It was time.