Twisted Destiny

Part 18 - Today's Sorrow

The journey back to the castle was one of the longest of Lantana's life. What would she tell everyone there? That she had failed when bargaining with Rhytdros, and had accidentally started a war with the gods? That she did bargain with him, but there were consequences? Not reveal any information only for a war to start in two weeks that no one was prepared for? Even though she didn't want to admit it, the best thing to do would be to host a war meeting, and discuss their current situation. Yes, the backlash would be horrible, but it was the right thing to do, and the sooner everyone else knew about it, the more time they had to prepare. The more time they could have to help save Virago. Even her horse seemed to be able to sense her dismay. It seemed unhappy, its previous chipper mood at finally being able to go for a ride, disappeared in an instance. The ten minutes that it should have taken to get back to the castle stretched into what felt like an hour, a horrible feeling growing in the pit of her stomach, and gnawing away at all her thoughts and emotions as she continued on. The ride through the forest, which she usually enjoyed, which usually calmed her nerves only added to her omen of what was yet to come. She couldn't deny that she feared the reaction. She was absolutely terrified, from the bottom of her soul of what everyone would think about her. Panic started to roll up her body in cold tendrils, attacking her mind, only adding to the cloak of anguish that she was currently in. Cold sweat, and gooseflesh started to break out all over her body, now adding to the physical terrors of her current situation. The panic started to take over her body, and her chest started to rise and fall rapidly. She desperately wanted the comfort of her room, the safety, and protection it would offer her, even if only for the time being. Concentrating on her soft warm sheets, and her giant bathtub in which she could relax in after, preparing herself for the next event, it gave her faith to continue moving on forward, and to finally confront the fear, to face the beast instead of running away and cowering like she always felt like she did when faced with danger. This time it would be different. She wouldn't allow this to push her down. She was going to face it, try to face the fear, and finally find the solution, in the correct fashion.

She rode over a gland, and finally exited the forest. An empty field lay in front of her, and she saw the looming castle. Usually, the castle was a source of hospitality, a place where she knew she could be safe. But, the feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach would not go away, and she was terrified to see how others would react. After minimal conflict for months, war was coming. Immediately granted access into the capitol, no questions asked. Given her history, there were always frantic searches, and frenzied guards at the castle gates. The guard rotation had changed again at the stables, and the guard on duty had thought she went out for a quick ride. He greeted her with a very cheerful attitude that Lantana couldn't return. Trying for a wry smile, she thanked him for taking care of her horse, and the second she was out of his sight, she broke out into a run, and rushed to her room, just wanting to be alone for the moment. Some of the handmaidens seemed to notice her distress, but she just waved them off, and sped past them, just wanting privacy at the moment. Her previous desires to tackle the beast, immediately inform everyone of the war dissolved, and the courage that she seemed to have mustered was gone.

Finally making it to her room, she made sure to lock the door, then collapsed on her bed sobbing into her sheets. She swaddled herself in them, and hid under the tremendous amount of thick, heavy blankets that rested on her bed. All the despair, fear, panic, and dread that she felt on the ride back emerged after she tried to bury them down. Huge sobs racked her body, and every time she thought she was about to calm down, another horrible feeling emerged, causing another round of sobs. She sobbed into the pillow. The pillow would be able to take her sadness. But, it was all too much. Tears streamed down her face, and there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no alternate solution. There was no way to fix the war. Innocent people were going to die. Innocent people who were going to be taken under her words, fighting for a war she never wanted to start. The horrible thoughts kept getting funneled into her mind, and she hated everything. She hated herself for starting this war. She hated Rhytdros for declaring it. She hated her father for adding fuel to the fire. She hated everyone who would never know her true emotions. No one would be able to understand how she was feeling. The stress, and panic of starting a gods forsaken war. She started a war. People were going to die. They were going to lose. There was nothing she could do. Nothing she could do to save them. No one could comfort her. There would be no happiness for her in life. She would organize the meetings, help lead them into war to lose it all. She was going to lose the war. Everyone was going to die. She hated Rhytdros for declaring war for no reason. For no fucking reason. Her people were going to die. Death is final. They weren't coming back. They were going to march into war, and die. They were marching to their deaths. And it was all her fault.