Enemies (Mysterion x Reader)

Alley

Kenny held a pack of frozen sausages to his sore abs leaning back in his office chair and turned on the news.

Breaking news, seventy one year old executive of DP Oil, James Whitfield, was found dead in his London home earlier this morning by auto-erotic asphyxiation dressed as the cartoon hero 'Batman'. 

As much as it frustrated Kenny to be reminded of a death he could have prevented, it sounded fucking amazing and he made a mental note to try that out later.

Police have ruled out accidental cause of death and instead suspect a murder-suicide having found a note from an ex-lover claiming it was the only way for them to be together. Nineteen year old Bebe Stevens was also found unresponsive in the master bedroom.  

The mobsters really did a number on him and he debated killing himself, possibly by auto-erotic asphyxiation, just to wake up freshly healed.

And he would have, except today was the beginning of Octoberfest, which was a big deal at DikinBaus. The brew house was packed wall to wall with loud and festive customers keeping the beer flowing all day and night. But that wasn't why Kenny loved Octoberfest so much.

For a limited time, the waitresses abandoned their typical uniforms for skimpy dirndls. Y/N looked especially good in hers. She wiped her hands on the apron of her short dress and adjusted her corset in the mirror across his office.

"Don't worry," Kenny beamed, "you look great."

"You again with these damned uniforms." She sighed and adjusted her braids. "At least they help make good tips."

I'll give you a good tip.

Y/N narrowed her eyes. She was good at predicting his thoughts. He winked and she rolled her eyes unable to hide her smile.

"Y/N," Ferrari walked in fiddling with her corset, "can you help me, I think I broke it."

"Blame Kenny for not accommodating your bigger chest," Y/N smirked, leading the confused brunette to the dressing room.

...

After some much needed alterations in the dressing room, you and Ferrari walk out onto the busy floor, her top held together by shoestrings and prayers, to find a short fat man speaking to a giggling Lexus.

"Girls!" Lexus calls over to you, "Cartman's back!"

Today was one of the rare days that Cartman actually stepped foot in the restaurant. He was almost always out of town which was just the way you liked it. You weren't particularly fond of the way Cartman conducted himself. The only person who fell to his charm was Lexus. She hung on his every word making you gag and wonder if she was blind.

He barely acknowledged you and continued to give Lexus a predatory smile. "I was just asking Lexus if girls have balls."

"Of course we don't silly! Here, look-"

You grab onto Lexus's hand before she lifts her dress up any further and glared at him. His eyes shot daggers back at you. Your silent stand-off is interrupted by Kenny walking out with his arms wide open to greet his buddy.

"Cartman! You finally made it out here dude, how was Big Ben?"

"It's a fucking clock Kinny, who cares."

He shrugged smiling wide, his gap tooth making an appearance. But of course, where Kenny goes, Mercedes isn't too far behind.

"Ken doll, I almost lost you!" She says hanging on his arm with an exaggerated pout. Her face lights up upon seeing Cartman and rushes over to hug him.