Time Heals

Anxiety

It's tonight.

Shit.

I can't do this.

I'm not ready yet

These were the first thoughts that came to my screwed up mind once I opened my eyes in bed. Dreading the sound of my alarm clock I shut it off and threw it across the room. I got up groaning and opened the curtains, only to be blinded by the morning light. I squinted like a vampire at first, then I realized that the weather was actually not awful today.

It's still December, so I'm surprised that the sun actually remembered it's job to heat up the world today a little. I picked out my glamorous outfit for school, which consisted of a black hoodie, a pair if light jeans, and my signature vans. They're my signature because I'm too lazy to buy another pair or wear ballerinas that torture my poor feet.

I go downstairs to see that Annie is already up.

"Why are you up now? I literally drag you out of bed everyday."

"I haven't slept actually." She says and the bags under her eyes prove her statement.

"How come?" I asked with a crease on my forehead.

"I drank a shit load of coffee so I could stay up studying for some shitty history test." She rubbed her temples.

"That's a lot of 'shit' in a sentance." I chuckled lowly.

After breakfast I drove cautiously on the wet roads to school, Annie in the passenger seat, untill I spotted the familiar building emerging from the fog. I can't get the date out of my head though. Where will we even be? What if he changes his mind? Why am I overthinking this?

We both ran inside the school building and into our classes. I took my usual seat.

"Psst."

I turned to look at the source of the sound, only to find Dan smiling widely from ear to ear.

"Hey." I breathed.

"Look at you, all pink." He tapped my nose with his forefinger.

"Shut up." I scrunched up my nose. Little does he know he looks pinker than a flamingo.

"Ready for tonight?" He asks with a very excited look wearing his face.

No.

"Yeah, I am." I try to crack a smile, but I'm sure it came out cold and emotionless, unlike his comforting and charming one.

I sometimes wonder about him. I wonder about his ability to pull people towards him with just one simple word or joke. I've never seen a transfer who would blend in as quickly as he did. I admire his charisma. I wish I could be like him, but no. I can't. I can never be like him when I'm this blue. I can never be like him when all these flashbacks haunt me in my dreams everynight. I can't blame it all on them though. I should have known.

Right then, Mrs.Damons comes inside the classroom, breaking my thoughts, and everybody takes out their notebooks to take notes.

*********
Have you ever felt like your heart is falling from its place? That your head was spinning even though you were completely fine? Or your need a bigger mind to fit all your thoughts into? If yes, then you know exactly how I feel right now. It's almost six and Dan us supposed to pick me up at seven and I have done nothing except my makeup. It's not too much, but not too little, thanks to Annie and Jane of course. Right now, Jane is curling my hair in soft waves, while Annie is finding me an appealing outfit for the night in her closet. Not mine of course. Meanwhile, I am obsessing over the simplest things that might go wrong.