Time Heals

Letting Go

I've come to learn that life is just a game. A complicated, sick, and twisted game. Each level is built upon the one before it. The game gets harder and harder by time. However, our experiences help us get through it all. That hasn't worked out right for me, though. My experience comes to haunt me negatively whenever I try to move forward. I'm stuck on level one, unable to be the person I've always wanted to become. I'm paralyzed and frozen, big walls surrounding me and fake smiles painted on my face everyday. And God only knows how hard that is to do.

It's been a week of avoiding everybody. It's been a week of shutting the world out. Seven whole days since my outburst. Seven whole days of not going to school. I feel horrible. Horrible isn't even the word. It's not Dan's fault that I saw her. It's not Jane's fault that I'm fucked up. And it most definetly is not Annie's fault for me to shut her out that way. I know they care, but I can't help but feel like I can't talk to anybody. It's like I can't control anything that I do. I just surprise myself the way I surprise everybody around me.

There's a soft knock on my bedroom door followed by the creaking sound of the door opening, only to reveal Sandra with a small sad smile on her face. Her hair is tied up in a ponytail, the way it usually is. She's carrying a backpack and her floral hoodie brings good memories that I need more of. I get off of my bed and run into her arms crying. I haven't told anybody why I've been acting the way I am, but I feel like I can't hold it in any longer.

"Gosh, Sandra I missed you so much." I sob onto her shoulder.

"You haven't been returning any of my calls. I called alot. " she says and guilt washes over me.

"I never checked my phone." I say when I pull away tears staining my cheeks.

"Carmen, please tell me. Jane and Marcos are worried sick. Not to mention Annie." she starts and my heart clenches at each name.

I bite my lip and allow some more tears to flow freely on my face.

"Please." she says softly, reaching for my hand.

"I saw her. I saw Summer." I muster to say the name. "I saw her when I was with Dan, o-on our d-date. I told him I n-needed to leave... and he st-started asking questions. then we had a fight a-and I j-just, I, I couldn't take it. I couldn't face him. I-I couldn't tell anybody. I didn't h-have the st-strength to tell anybody what w-was wrong." I break down.

Sandra pulls me to her and hugs me tightly. It doesn't make me feel a bit better.

"I know it's hard to see her again, but you have to be stronger than that. I know you are. You have always been, but you never knew it," she says into my hair. "Did she see you?" she asks hesitantly as if she's afraid to hurt my feelings.

"No. I mean I don't think so. I ran out so quickly." I look down.

"Hey." she lifts my head up. "It's okay. I would have ran out too." Her smile is sympathetic and full of care and love.

I manage a sad smile and nod.

"You know, you missed alot in that week." Her tone changes into a somewhat humerous one.

"How come?" I frown.

"Well for starters, Marcos and Jane have been eating each other's faces off. And then we have Blake Stinson and Alison Clifford caught hooking up in the janitor's closet." She scrunches up her nose in disgust and I chuckle. "And then the most awesome person came back to school, of course."

"And who is that?" I ask with an amused smile plastered on my face.

"Me. DUH!" she points at he self and rolls her eyes.