[ LukeKrist ] The Little Things Called...

08. I'm Still Here...

/ Krist Perawat didn't want Luke Ishikawa to see him crying. /

---

Another night passed. Krist Perawat recently stayed awake almost every night. He couldn't sleep as his mind was filled with hate comments from netizens. This seemingly was the third night of this week that Krist was sleepless. Even though he always received encouragement from his family, friends and fanclub, he didn't feel better at all.

He couldn't help it, the trauma from that past event left him anxious and insecure most of the time. 

...

The next morning, perhaps it was because of the extreme fatigue, Krist felt that Luke somehow acted differently as well. From the moment they met in the parking lot until they entered the filming set, Luke didn't say a word to him at all. 

However, his eyes never left that small figure for even just a moment.

Luke knew all the waves of insecurity running inside Krist, and also understood everything that the boy had to go through. Luke felt upset and sorry for him. But more than that, he was frustrated as he did not know what to do for the guy in front of him. If telling Krist to open about it, it would be no different than rubbing salt to his wound, making the pain much worse. If just comforting him with words, would that be enough to make him feel better? 

But, if he didn't do anything, Krist would destroy his health and mind.

"Phi, can I say something to Krist... just a moment." Luke muttered into the director's ear and walked hurriedly toward his friend. 

"Krist, later come to my house, I need you to help me with... um- uh... my new guitar." 

His voice sounded low and urgent. 

He couldn't let Krist continue torturing himself like that, he needed to do something, at the moment, whether it was a good idea or not.

"Huh? Oka- okayyy." Krist was confused, then smiled a small smile.

...

Both of them returned to Luke's condo as soon as the shooting finished.

It was almost midnight.

Luke was walking ahead of Krist, his steps were quick, his fingers clenched. Krist vaguely guessed the reason for Luke's strange behaviors. He bowed his head, fingers toying the hem of his shirt unconsciously, and quietly followed the taller. On the way home, they still didn't say a word to each other until they reached Luke's condo. 

Luke let Krist enter first, while he turned around and closed the door. 

It would be better to talk about this at his place because he lived alone, no one could bother them, and hopefully Krist could open up with him. 

In the meantime, Krist was scratching his head in confusion, looking at his feet because his guts was telling him to avoid Luke's eyes at all cost. 

Suddenly, the other put his hands on his cheeks.

Krist lifted his round eyes to his face, and found his gaze soft and gentle. Krist could see that he was worried, he was sad, he was regretted... it was all over Luke's face.

That's right! 

Luke was regretting because he should have done something for his precious friend earlier, regretting because of his helplessness, his lack of understanding.

"Sorry Krist, you've been working hard lately, but the issue recently... I wish I can do anything for you. I'm sorry... that I can't help you."

Krist felt the eyes of Luke piercing straight into his heart, making his nose sting, and tears rolled down his face without him knowing. Luke swore that the sadness in the boy's eyes shattered his heart into a million little pieces.

Krist shook his head frantically, removing the hands that were trying to wipe the tears from his face. He hugged the taller, ducking his face deep in the crook of his neck, wrapping his thin arms tightly around him, heaved a deep sigh and then bursted into tears. He sobbed loudly, as he had held it for a long, long time... With the hand gently caressing his back, the soothing voice telling him to calm down, all the pent-up frustration and anger were slowly disappearing. 

The unspeakable weariness also washed away with the tears.

Krist really didn't want anyone to see him cry, not his parents, not his siblings, not Luke. It was always him crying alone through the nights. 

He didn't like seeing any of them worrying because of him. 

But it seemed that Krist couldn't do it this time.

The embrace and look of Luke were like a strange yet peaceful place - a place where Krist neither needed to hide his weaknesses nor needed to force himself to be strong always... a place called his second home. 

In that place, Krist was protected, comforted, and pampered.

In that place, he could laugh and cry like a child.

Tears filled Luke's eyes. He had never felt like that himself towards any person, he knew that such a feeling must be more than just a friendship. The tears gathered more thickly in his eyes. He tried to hug the small creature sobbing in his arms tightly, making up for not being able to protect him, for leaving him to endure everything all alone.

"Krist, don't mind those malicious comments, okay? Thousands of people out there, I believe that there are many who truly love you and care about you."

"Even if the whole world turns their back on you, you will always have me..." His voice choked, oppressed with emotion, the words couldn't escape his mouths. 

Well, maybe he would keep this feeling to himself for now, engraving it deeply into his heart and never forgetting it.

Seeing that the small creature in his arms had stopped crying, Luke suddenly smiled a soft smile. Krist was now just whimpering, wiping his tearful eyes like a kitten. His mom who stopped by last week and saw Krist falling asleep on the sofa at her son's condo said that the boy was cute but looked mature than him. 

Luke quickly argued back, telling her that he is actually one month and 5 days older than Krist.

He understood very clearly the reason why Krist had to become more mature in this industry, as he himself also needed to hide his true self and put on the mask that everyone preferred.

"You're tired, right? Let's go to sleep." Stroking her hair gently, Luke said.

Krist nodded slightly, removing his hand from Luke to cover his tear-streaked face, he didn't want the other to see it no matter what. He walked fast to the bedroom and climbed straight into Luke's bed, then he lie down, facing the glass window on the wall, and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Go eat something... you've not eaten yet, I'll sleep here." 

Krist murmured under the blanket. His usual low and lovely voice now sounded like the soft cry of a kitten catching a cold. It was really cute – Luke smiled again.

"Okay, nite nite Krist."

Going to bed at Luke's house after sobbing his heart out in his arms was the first time to Krist, but many days lacking of sleep, a long day filming, and crying until his eyes became swollen, the boy was so tired, feeling his energy draining. However, he still waited till the door closed and the other's footsteps faded, then he slowly pulled down the blanket, revealing the round head, and pressed it to his nose, inhaling the comfortable scent...

"...Still smells like Luke."

... then he drifted into a deep, relaxing and calm sleep.

---
/ Krist told himself that he would punish Luke for lying about the guitar the next morning. /

- END 08 -