A/N: Wrote this back in May not even 48 hours after breaking up with my boyfriend because he was cheating on me with a minor, so this chapter is a bit spicy. By spicy I mean traumatising.
Lo'ak doesn't know what he did wrong this time, but Jake Sully is furious and they're alone, all by themselves in the marui. Being alone with Jake's rage is never a good thing for Lo'ak, as much as he likes to pretend this is fine, it ruins his entire life, taints his heart, and hurts him in ways he didn't think he can be hurt.
He cannot hear what Jake is saying, his father is spitting angry words at him and Lo'ak's eyes land on a broken toy, one he accidentally stepped on because Tuk didn't put it away after she used it.
Lo'ak's head is pounding, his cheeks feel too hot, and his pores feel like giant holes along his skin, though on the outside, he doesn't look as hurt as he looks. He finds it hard to breathe.
Lo'ak doesn't want to believe he is genuinely so unlovable, that nobody notices what he's going through; and most of all, he doesn't understand why. How could Toruk Makto be so harsh with him? For such little things, too.
We've all got our demons; Lo'ak wonders what his demon is. Is it merely existing?
Neteyam tends to overachieve, Kiri gets moody and talks back, Tuk never cleans up her toys. Neytiri gets too violent with those that hurt her or her family and Jake- Jake hurts those who depend on him behind closed curtains. Lo'ak wonders if he hurt the others as well, or if Lo'ak is his only punching bag.
His throat hurts where Jake is squeezing it, hissing insults in his ear. Lo'ak doesn't hear them, dazed from heartache and lack of air. Jake's voice rings muted in his twitching ears and his hot breath hits Lo'ak's cheek as a reminder that they are alive – though this isn't a life Lo'ak wants to be living.
No, he wants his father to love him as he did once, a long time ago, when Lo'ak was just a child. Perhaps if he lets himself be shaped to be a perfect soldier, Jake will stop hurting him.
"Dad, please—" he whimpers, voice strained. "It hurts."
"Should have thought about that before breaking things again," Jake hisses, pupils fully shrunken into tiny black dots.
Lo'ak tries to cough, eyes widening. He feels like someone spilt a bucket of ice-cold water over his head and his heart begins to pound wildly against his chest.
Sensing his panic, Jake scoffs. "Did you think I wouldn't find out about the plate?"
Lo'ak can only stutter, brain going haywire from the fear burning his mind. His entire forehead is in excruciating pain and he feels like he will throw up if Jake doesn't take at least half a step back. He's too close.
He's too close.
He's just too close.
"I asked you a question."
He's way too close.
"What? So, you're gonna cry now?" Jake's lips pull back in a sneer, vice grip never loosening. "I thought you were an adult."
Lo'ak feels like a stupid little child.
Why does he still blindly hope that it will get better if it never will – Eywa destined him to suffer, to be hurt. And if this is all she's planned for him, then he cannot do anything but accept it and allow it to happen.
Lo'ak sniffles, rubbing roughly at his eyes until Jake yanks his arms away, finally letting go of his throat. "No, I'm sorry."
"Look at me when I'm talking to you," Jake warns, squeezing Lo'ak's wrists.
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Ocean Skies - Loreya
RomanceLo'ak understands his father's anger comes from a place of worry and it is not bad-natured, but it does not mean it hurts any less when his father's stare is so icy. Jake's attacks stop. He does not intend to traumatize his son - does not know that...
