Dearest, Darling (S.R)

Chapter Twenty Three

~ Maddie ~

When I finally crawled into my bed, it was gone 2am. My heavy eyes begged for sleep, I hadn't even bothered changing out of my clothes, just kicked my shoes off at the door. With a deep sigh I rolled onto my back trying to get comfy. I tried not to think about the sad look on Spencer's face when I hadn't invited him in with me. He kept giving me his pitiful puppy dog eyes, and as much as I loved that he cared about me, all I needed was to be on my own.

My phone buzzed on the bedside table causing me to jump. The pang of adrenaline surging through by body went straight to my chest, I could feel it getting tighter.

Breathe.

My heart was beating so fast I could hear it in my ears and suddenly I was back there again watching that poor girl getting shot in front of me. I could feel the blood hit my skin again.

Just breathe Maddie. In and out.

I took a deep breath in through my nose, trying to think about literally anything else. I thought about my dad. How I wished he were still here. My favourite memories of him. Sat at the piano, writing music together. The camping trips we took in the middle of no where so we could have the best views of the stars through his telescope. How he stood up, cheering louder than every other parent at my graduations. That proud smile he always wore on his face. A second pang of pain hit my chest and my tears welled up. Only this time, I let them fall. I didn't have the strength to fight the sadness anymore and let it swallow me whole.

~

When I awoke, I was met with swollen eyes and a pounding headache. I turned my phone over to check the time. 6am. 4 hours sleep. Why was I already awake. Ignoring the text from Spencer that was still unread, I forced myself out of bed and headed to the kitchen where I downed a full glass of water and poured myself a second. My stomach grumbled at me, it wasn't like me to forget to eat but given the terrible week it had been, food had been the furthest thing from my mind. I opened up the fridge, met with bare shelves. I was about to shut the door when the bottle of wine caught my eye. I didn't even think twice as I poured half the bottle into a glass, taking 3 large sips before flopping on the sofa and flicking the television on. Yes, I was drinking wine at 6am on a Tuesday morning but we all had the day off work and I needed something to help me forget the last few weeks.

2 hours passed, I just stared mindlessly at the TV, finishing my very large glass of wine and almost finishing an equally large second glass. I was about to get up and finish the bottle when someone knocked at the door. I jumped, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the images flashing back into my mind. When my heart had finally slowed down, I stood up and opened the door. Rossi was not who I expected to see stood on my door step.

"Hey Kiddo, can I come in?" He asked. I nodded, stepping to the side to let him past.

I followed him into the living room and finished the last mouthful of wine in the glass.

"Would you like some?" I slurred, waving the bottle to him before emptying it into my glass.

"Maddie, it's 8 in the morning." He gave me a stern look.

"It's 5 o clock somewhere, right?" I shrugged, sipping my drink before taking a seat next to him. "Why are you at my house?"

"I wanted to make sure you were doing okay." He looked at my clothes and I realised I'd still not got changed after yesterday. "Did you even sleep last night?

"I got a couple of hours," I mumbled.

"You look like shit," he said bluntly, taking the glass from my hand and putting it on the side.