𝐂𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐞 - Chris Sturniolo

𝟮𝟱

★｡+ﾟ☆ Chris ☆ﾟ+｡★

I had the feeling that I could neither move nor breathe. It was as if she had ripped my heart out and taken it with her.

And I could understand why she was so angry, I was angry with myself too. It was my own fault, I had let Jonathan put her on that list. And I was so mad at him for giving her that list just because he couldn't handle losing it.

But what did I expect? Every lie comes out eventually.

Suddenly my bedroom door opened and I hoped it was her. But Matt was the person who opened my door, with Nick in tow. "What happened?" Matt asked and closed the door.

"I fucked up." I admitted, wiping my face and falling backwards onto my bed.  "How did you fuck up?" Nick asked as if he was angry with me.

I handed the note to my brothers and Matt grabbed it. They looked at the note critically as if they didn't understand what it meant. But then Matt's confused expression turned to realization and then he looked at me.

"Don't tell me you made a bet with Jonathan about her." He said and Nick looked at me in shock. I looked down. I was so ashamed and so angry with myself. I sighed.

"Yeah, but it's not what you think. We made the bet when she and I were already kissing, I knew he was going to lose." I explained. "That doesn't make it any better Chris." Nick said somehow gently.

"But I didn't mean it like that, I didn't do it to hurt her, I did it to get back at him. She also met Jonathan to get one over on him." I explained. Now Matt spoke up, "Chris, it's not the same thing. You weren't part of her plan and she didn't bet on you. Besides, she was always honest with you."

I knew they were right but I got so angry with them. Did they think I didn't know that myself? Did you have to beat it into me even more that I'm a fucking asshole?

"If you're here to tell me I've made a mistake, you can go away, I know that myself." And pointed to the door.

"Chris, that's not what we meant. What do you want to do now?" Nick asked and sat down next to me. "I don't know. As stubborn as she is, she'll never forgive me anyway."

★｡+ﾟ☆ Brook ☆ﾟ+｡★

On Saturday I got a thousand messages from Kathi, Matt, Paris, Nick and Chris. I read them all except Chris, I didn't even read his messages.

I didn't want to hear anything, I didn't want to see anything and most of all I didn't want to feel anything. I was devastated, I had never felt so betrayed. Maybe it was because I had never felt so much love for a boy.

I spent the whole Saturday curled up in my bed feeling sorry for myself and hating Chris for what he had done to me. How could I have thought he was serious about me?

When the knock came in the evening I was annoyed, I had told my family several times I wanted to be alone, what didn't they understand about that?

"Go away mom, I'm not hungry and I don't want to talk. Just leave me alone." I shouted, but to my regret the door to my room opened anyway.

I turned around annoyed and was ready to shout at my mother to leave. But to my surprise, it wasn't my mother standing there, but Kathi and Matthew.

I dried my eyes with the back of my hand and asked, "What are you doing here?" I was uncomfortable that they saw me like this, so broken.

"You didn't reply to our messages, so we thought we should stop by." Kathi said and looked at me sympathetically, just like Matt. And I hated it.

"If you don't reply, it usually means you want to be alone." I said and put my hair in a plait, which was all knotted up from tossing and turning in my bed.

"But we were worried, we know how much Chris-" I interrupted her. "Don't - please don't. I don't want to hear about him or how much he seems to have liked me." I said, pressing my lips together to keep from crying again.

"So tell me what you have to say but please leave, I want to be alone." I said and pointed with my hand to the door they had just come through.

"We just wanted to see if you were okay." Kathi said carefully and took a step towards me. I looked out of the window and laughed for a second. "Do you want to know if I'm okay?" I asked and then looked back at the two of them. Her look was worried but Matt's was emotionless.

My lips started to tremble and I grabbed my neck because I thought it might stop me from crying, but it didn't.

"Of course I'm not well, Kathi. What did you expect? That I would jump around here happily and dance to my favorite songs? Just because Chris might be doing that, I'm not." I said and made it sound like an accusation, I just wanted to be alone again.

"Trust me, he doesn't." Said Matt calmly, who had been quiet the whole time. I looked at him, pure honesty on his face.

And I tried to interpret something from his statement, but I forbade myself to do so. Because anything I could have interpreted from his sentence would have made me hopeful and I didn't want that.

"Can you please go?" I asked and lay down again, burying myself under my blanket. I heard Kathi sigh and a short time later I heard them leave my room, and then I let them run again, my tears.

★｡+ﾟ☆ Chris ☆ﾟ+｡★

I heard someone come through the front door and I knew it was Matt by the sound of the doorway. When he walked into the living room, he looked straight at me.

"So?" I asked. When I heard that Kathi was going to Brook's to look after her, I really wanted to go but everyone said it was a stupid idea. But I didn't want to give in, but then Matt said that he would go for me to look after her and I could accept that.

"What do you think Chris? She's totally broken, she was crying and we weren't even in her room for a minute before she wanted us to leave." He said. And I really don't know what I was expecting.

On the one hand, I wanted her to be happy and not cry, but on the other hand, I didn't want her not to care.

"I'm such an idiot." I said to Matt. "Oh yeah, you are." He agreed.