Population Control

Sami VI

Alexithymia – the inability to express your feelings

0o0

I've not had worse nightmares since I first saw Makka Pakka (it's beady little eyes and swirls...). It was cold, so, so cold. Something was sticking into my back, and when I turned around there was a dark red, almost brown, necklace there. Matthew wore it all the time in Gemstone. It took so many tries before it clipped around my neck. Up, food, drink. Stupidly, I expected to turn the corner and see Camille washing out her cup and Matthew in debate with Dylan over football. But no, Dylan sat stoic still with his quilt wrapped tightly. It was when I looked at his cocooned frame that I bumped into the table and the smashed lamp bits scattered.

"Sugar." I cursed, beginning to pick them up.

Dylan joined me, "It's OK." He whispered. Normally when I look at him he's smiling, but now his face was neutral.

"Sorry."

"It's OK, promise."

"But I-"

"Dude, it's cool." He couldn't muster a fake smile.

"... Want a drink?" I offered, still awkwardly standing where the smashed lamp pieces were.

"Black coffee." He said, going back to the settee to sit and stare out idly.

Ok, sure. I made him a coffee, and myself and Jason a tea. I took it to him, and he was up, sitting at the desk in his room with something between his fingers. "Er... are you coming down soon? Just... breakfast starts now."

"Mm." He hummed. What do I do? Do I wait for him to answer, to look at me? Probably not. Quietly, I left the room. I am not a mediator.

It was porridge today, without sugar or honey or anything to make it taste less like cardboard. However, people were still smiley and chatty, their gemstones hanging around their necks either loose on a chain or tight like a small necklace.

Quill and Freddie stopped short of the table. "What's got your knickers in a twist?" He asked Jason. He glared at him, and Freddie rolled his eyes.

"Where's Camille anyway? And Matthew?" Quill asked. They looked at me and Dylan. He was good at fake-smiling because I almost believed everything was normal. I, however, cannot act or lie. At all.

So, I stuttered, "They er... yesterday- last night they kinda left."

"Left?" Freddie's fork (the only person using one) clashed to the tray, mouth open.

"They can't be gone." Quill shook their head. "But why?" They moved their hand to rest on Dylan's.

"I'm good, honestly." He smiled. "They've left to go to France."

"Can they even get in without you?" They asked Jason.

But Dylan answered for him. "He told us about a key in a bunch of rocks on his drive. Rich tosser." Jason didn't even flinch.

"Did I hear that correct?" Violet appeared from nowhere and I tensed at her presence. "Matthew and Camille have left?"

"Yes, ma'am." It was Jason, said through gritted teeth. Violet's smile wobbled, but she nodded and disappeared again.

A bell started ringing, like a primary school child got a hold of it. And it kept going and going until everyone was silent. Stood on the heightened platform was Mary and Violet, smiling at us all. "Gemstone," May greeted, her voice floaty and soothing, "Today is a special day." When she clasped her hands and looked at me I knew she hadn't forgotten. Neither had I, but me thing sixteen wasn't at the forefront of my mind. "One of our newest members, Sami Jones, is turning sixteen today!" There was a calm applause that stopped when Mary lifted her palm. "That means... initiation." People whooped and cheered, and I jumped out of my skin. With so many people smiling my way I had to politely smile back. "So dinner tonight will be held in your homes while the Entertainers prepare the hall for the event." Chatter was rife, and people came up to me to congratulate me, pat me on the back. I had to pretend to be happy like the touch didn't bother me when it scaled my skin like maggots.