POTS ~ The struggle of standing

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Eliot's pov:

"I just want to be seen as equal to everyone else. Or is that too much to ask?" He finally took the courage and looked them in the eyes. Hazel's light hair reflected light from the ceiling lamp in the middle of the room. Hazel had turned it on. Eliot preferred to have it off. He hadn't say anything. He didn't know how to handle this. How do you handle rejection?

"The world was never meant to be a fair place, Elliot. This is just how it ended up being."

Well, he knew that, but why did Hazel have to be so honest about it? The world wasn't a fair place. But he hasn't been fair the the world either. Some part deep down knew. Might always have known. He wasn't much for admitting that though. He had enough weaknesses. More than enough. And he did not need any more.

Contrary to Hazels hair, their dark eyes reflected the truth; the dark side; the real world. It was a nice combination... It was a scary combination. Showing the real world. Light and darkness. Fantasy and reality. Hazel continued. "Eliot. That does not mean you can't be happy. Happiness comes from excepting the past. Not dreading it."

"How do I do that?" He asked. Eliot's wasn't much for asking, but some things were better told. Mostly so that he would actually understand them. "How do you stay happy, Hazel?" She looked at Eliot with wonder. Maybe the masks that we put on each day, actually work. Maybe that's why we only think of our own problems: we never see others. Because we are busy hiding them behind our own masks.

It was a rhetorical question, but she answered anyway. "Who says I do that? Who says that I'm happy? Who says, that I am what you see me as?"

"Well... You just seem so, confident. Like you already know all there is to know. As if living is somehow easy."

She's smiling. It's a smile of pity. Those kind of smiles were far from Eliot's favourite. That's the smile doctors try to hide, when they still don't know what's wrong with you.

'Is it sad that all I can relate to is in hospitals?' Eliot thought to himself.

"Little hamster. It's called acting." They took his hand. Just as Juno preferred to talk to no one and drown in the emptiness of an ocean, called the internet, Eliot responded best to just a little physical touch and the presence of someone else. "You would be surprised, at how many people use it to get through life. Some people call it 'fake it till you make it'. But that's not always a good idea. You have to find you own way. Your own path. Your own self... Sometimes, when things get to much, I hide away from the world, and do something else: sing; write; read; stare into nothing and regret all my life decisions... " They giggled. It's funny because it's true. Her laughter got contagious, and soon Eliot began to smile.

They laid, heads down feet up, on the bed. They looked at the world from a different perspective. "You have to find out for yourself, Ellie. That's not something we- anyone can do for you. You just have to try a lot of things out. Maybe it will help. Maybe it won't. But no matter what, it will be better than doing nothing. And you will have tried."

What Hazel said, seemed like so little, but so much at the same time.

So Eliot did what he tried to do best, and changed the subject. And with success this time. "Did you know what your eyes see the world upside down, and that your brain has to turn it all around? It kinda feels like your eyes are just the kaleidoscope, and we have to find out how the world looks like on our own."

"That's a nice way if thinking. " They laid in silence.

Eliot slowly sat up, and took some water and a salt tablet. "So anything interesting going on in your life?"

"Well my cousin will be staying with us for the time being. He got into an argument... Family stuff. Haven't seen him in a while... now what I think of it, he was always quite feminine, maybe he's not so straight as I thought of him." She sat up. "Maybe he could even join our little group."

"Yeah, maybe." He smiled. Hazel was very straightforward. He liked that about them.

(Yo, ppl!
...
I'm tired. But here is an update. Sorry I held a little break. I've had a lot of assignments as of late (and still do) so I will be focusing more on them, but I will still update when I feel like it (cuz why stick to a schedule when you can just, not?)
Also: YAY 8K!!
Sleep well, you all<3)

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