The Story of Us - Hyunlix - Hyunho

Friends?

But, you see, some things are out of our control.

Maybe it was the long hours we spent together, practicing, recording. Maybe it was not being able to interact with anyone outside work related matters, or see our families and friends for such an extensive period of time, almost two years... Maybe I was just so comfortable around you. I was not able to forget how much I liked you when you acted so different around me than you did around the other members. I loved being around you, with you, touching and hugging you, even though you don't like physical contact so much. You always let me hug you. You even started your habit of giving me back-hugs, letting me feel your warmth and your heart beating comfortingly, just for me. I loved how much attention you paid when I spoke, how you listened to my suggestions, how you praised every little thing I did. Not that the other members did not do these things as well. I admit I was spoiled rotten by all of them. But, from you... I wanted all of this and more from you. I said it before and I'll say a million times more: I wanted you badly. I relished  in the sweetness in your voice when you spoke my name. I took every opportunity I could to be by your side, to do things with you. I caught myself looking at you in admiration almost all the time. At times I caught Chris looking at me curiously. Was I being too obvious?

It was when our interactions became noticed a bit too much by the fans that things started to go downhill. Suddenly the staff was separating us, making changes, even scolding us. Our schedules were different, we had less to none activities together. We were always paired with someone else from the group. I was upset. I was furious. Chris tried to calm me down but with little success.

"Why Chris, why? We are not doing anything wrong. Nothing different than before or more than the other members!" I was on the verge of tears from frustration.

Chris watched me rant, concerned, not really wanting to talk. "Felix..." He hesitated. "Maybe it is the way you look at him. It may be... ah, misunderstood?" He was scared to meet my eyes and I was confused.

How do I look at you, Hyunjin-ah? Am I really that obvious?

Being separated from you made me physically hurt at that point.

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And then, the scandal happened.

It was a very busy time for us. We were in the middle of a very competitive and demanding show. The news caughts off guard. The young ones were confused and I was shaken. I couldn't believe it. Could I be so wrong about him? Hyunjin seemed devastated, afraid to see his hard work be discarded, his career at stake. He spent hours with Minho who was really trying support him and  lift his spirits.

I wanted to know the truth. "I just want to hear it from him, that it is not true." Minho got in my face. "Don't you dare question him like you haven't been spending 24 hours a day every day with him for almost four years now!" "I am just confused, hyung. Why would someone make up such a lie?" "Oh, Lix! You are naive sometimes! People are envious and cruel."

And Hyunjin heard me, he heard the uncertainty in my voice. I got angry looks from Minho hyung. "How could you?"

I could see that this hurt you even more, Hyunjin-ah. You left. The company announced that you were on indefinite hiatus and you disappeared. Were you disappointed at me?

Chris was watching everything without speaking. I know now that he was working hard to clear Hyunjin's name. He was the only one who had contact with him. He did all this while we had to work hard for our Kingdom challenge. Those were four difficult months, physically exhausting and mentally torturous, at least for me. Our victory was bittersweet.

Because you weren't there, Hyunjin-ah... Sometimes, I think all this was deliberate, to weaken us.

When Hyunjin came back, he was a different person. He did everything by the book. Not a single flaw could be spotted on his behaviour. He worked extra hard for his individual activities and the group's comeback. But as far as I was concernred, he was distant. No more cuddles for me. Nothing more than what our schedules required. I found myself in tears at his coldness, it hurt me.

Maybe he needed time. 

When he gave me his present for my birthday, it really warmed my heart.  It was one of his paintings, specially made for me, inspired by a photograph he had taken, of our hands together holding a daisy. I was so moved. It gave me hope that we could reclaim what seemed forgotten. That I still had a special place in his heart. 

Everything seemed to be slowly returning to normal for us. I never addressed the issue of me doubting him and he never reproached me for it. So, my confession, on "2 Kids Room", was an apology of sorts. Maybe I made him a little uncomfortable. Maybe I did it on purpose. I immediately joked to lighten the mood, although I meant every word I said.

You make me a better person Hyunjin-ah. I am who am I because of you. I swear, I 'll never doubt you again.