A Melody Of You

Prologue

I took that diploma and I looked at it with a hint of sadness.

My mother smiles in the crowd. She sees my intelligence as a blessing but I see it as a curse.

I didn't want to leave. No. I had left her already and I was too embarrassed to even reach out to her.

I look at my cup of champagne at the party of new doctors. I should have been drinking with them but I only thought of her. I cheered but it was not with the same thrill I have when I talk with her.

I miss her.

I look at my watch and see that her last class has to be open still. I try to think twice but I can't. Because I thought twice, I got to have more time with her. But I thought twice when I moved out of the cardiology department. I don't regret that. I never will.

I don't want to regret this night either.

I leave my cup of champagne and run out. No one will tell. No one ever cares until you are on the verge of losing yourself. I can't lose her tonight. I don't know what will happen after tonight but she must know.

She must listen to my heart, too...

I run through campus and into the hallways. I am followed by all the memories I share with her in each corner of this side of campus. Every joke and tear we have shared together linger onto the ends of my doctor's coat as I frantically search for her. Honestly, an intelligent brain means nothing until I discovered her beautiful mind.

There is a full moon tonight and the loud music coming from the party of graduates is only a muffled sound now that my heart pounds as I stop in front of the doors of a lecture hall.

I catch my breath and look at the doors. My hand lingers on it as I look at the choice I have before me. I close my eyes and see her sad eyes. But I can hear her sweet laughter. I can hear her angry tease and then her quiet chuckles. I see her cheeks puff up with each cute smile and then her eyes glisten with tired tears.

Determination. That's what I found behind all of that and I should've known. I have fallen for that shattered heart. I realized that I have seen how strong she can be even in the darkness. As I watched her present with fear behind her dark eyes, I admired her resilience. I admired how hard she was willing to at least try to prove to herself she was what I saw the moment I met her. One of a kind.

She is a spark that has brought life back to my quiet world. She became the melody for a lost heart.

This lost soul has finally found the courage she has had to endure all these years. So I take that step for her and open the door.

The lecture hall is empty and I only see the professor packing his things. He looks up at my arrival and smiles wide at me. "Congratulations! What are you doing here?! You're all done! Go! Celebrate!"

I shake my head knowing that I never cared for any parties. I only cared for the beauty of the brain finally letting my heart speak up. "When did you finish?"

He gives me a confused look but says, "I finished about twenty minutes ago. Did you need anything, Othniel?"

I clench my jaw at the sound of that name. I hate it but it makes my mother happy.

But she is the only who made my heart stop at the sound of that name out of her mouth. When she called my real name for the first time, I realized that the sound of a voice can become a beautiful melody playing on repeat.

So I walk out and run again. I must try as hard as she does everyday. She was right there all this time. I won't do it. I can't let her go. I won't painfully regret this tonight.

I finally find her. I smile like I do whenever I see her. Every time I would watch her walk on campus from afar. I would look through every universe just to see that little smile of hers.

She looks exhausted but she still walks with confidence to a bench to accommodate her things. I gently walk up to the bench and she looks up with surprise. Her smile then comes back and she becomes lovely again.

"Yujun! What...what are you doing here? Isn't it your graduation party today? Wow!" She steps back to look at my doctor's coat and I chuckle at the happiness and surprise running through her expression. She giggles and gives me a fist bump. "You did it! I'm so happy for you! Now you will be in the big building doing cool professor things!"

That's when I found my intelligence as a curse. If only I could stay like the rest of them. I sadly explain to her the opportunity I got and her smile slowly disappears. "Oh," she gently says. "Wow. That's...amazing, Yujun. I'm so happy for you. Did you say yes?" I sadly nod and she chuckles. "Why are you so sad? This is an opportunity not everyone gets and you deserve it with that brain of yours. Go back with your friends and celebrate. I'm happy to at least have gotten to see you in your doctor's coat."

She gets her bag and gives me a warm smile. She lifts her fist up and says, "Fighting!"

I watch her start to walk away and my heart has taken over my brain as I call out to her. She stops and waits for me to say, "Going back to South Korea...I won't see you again."

"That's okay," she says with her small smile that carries old tears she has pushed away. "We can always talk on the phone."

I nod but we both know that time plays tricks on us. Hope is the victim of time and those words are empty promises we know we will break someday. She still gives me that pretty smile and starts to walk off again.

My mind is blank and my heart races as I suddenly walk up to her to take her wrist. She does a small gasp of surprise but I do what I have longed to do for so long. I bring her into my arms and I hug her tightly. She is surprised but she lets her muscles slowly relax. She has heard my heart and she has decided to gently take it just this once.

I have a million words to say. I have so much to say to her that my heart has saved the moment I saw her. But for once, I wish I could go back to the start. I wish we could meet for the first time again. I wish I could have listened to the melody my heart kept trying to show me every time she was around.

"You can do this, Yujun. Don't stop now. You taught me that. Thanks to you, I can be a little more brave every day."

Since my father died, tears want to come back again. It feels like I am letting go of him again so I hug her for a little longer and she lets me be vulnerable. She always did and kindly smiled.

"I'm so proud of you," I softly say. "If only—"

She gently pulls away and shakes her head. She doesn't let me finish my sentence because I know it'll hurt her, too. So she keeps her heart safe and gently gives me back mine as she gives me one last small smile. I try to memorize the way the moonlight shines on her brown eyes. I keep the sound of her voice stored in my heart like a song in a vinyl. But it hurts to know that the vinyl will slowly grow old and make that music fade away.

She walks backwards for a moment and does a small giggle as she waves goodbye. "Until next time, Dr. Kim!"

I watch her walk away and my heart lingers after her. A piece of it stays on the ends of her scrubs and I let it be even if she may not remember as time passes by. I'll never forget those words I wish she could have listened to that night.

If only she knew that all she had to do was smile and I fell in love.