Don't you shy away

eight

||Ryana Bronwyn Caldwell||First person||

August 19th. My birthday.

I woke up pretty tired and in a bad mood. My birthday always makes me feel old, and makes me realize that another year passed without me doing anything great. On my birthday, I always tell myself, this year, I'm gonna change! I'm gonna do something with my life! Something I enjoy, something I can be proud of. But it never comes true. I always wanted to make music. It is my dream. But I'm too old for that already. I wish I could turn back time (to the good old days...) and start this music thing earlier...

I got out of bed, went to the kitchen and started making coffee. I realized I ran out of sugar, but remembered I bought some more a few days ago. I started searching, but I couldn't find it anywhere.
"Where did I put it??" I muttered. I opened a drower I don't usually use, and my hands stumbled upon a well-known little box I've forgotten about. My eyes widened as I immediately knew what it was, oh, I knew that little box too well...

I took it out of the drawer and looked at it. Just the sight of the container brought back some awful memories I never wanted to remember. It was a pack of Xanax...

•FLASHBACK•

"So, uh, is there anything that could help me?" I asked the doctor
"Where is your mother? I would rather talk about this with her" she answered
"Uh, she... She... Is at work right now, she told me to come. She has to work a lot, you know..." I muttered, hoping the doctor would believe me.
"Okay, but she will have to sign a contract before we can give you anything. And I would still like to talk to her about this. So, the thing is, you have bipolar disorder. That's a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs, like mania, and lows, like depression. But the most important thing, everyone who has it experiences it differently, and it requires a lot of attention if you want to deal with it. So I hope I can talk with your mother about this, to tell her the important things to know"
And I just sat there, staring in her eyes, not believing what I just heard. I have bipolar disorder? Oh my goodness, how am I gonna tell my mum???
"And..." I gulped "What can we do about it?"
"Well, I will prescribe some Xanax for you, which is a very powerful medication for anxiety and you will have to take it daily, but if it's gonna get worse sweetie, then you're gonna have to go to a mental hospital"

Yeah, a mental hospital. What am I, a beast that has to be put in a cage?? They are gonna give me drugs and if I'll stay depressed, they'll just throw me in some phsych hospital??? No, I won't let that happen. I'll take the medication and I'll escape from here as quickly as possible.

•END OF FLASHBACK•

That was the day I found out I have bipolar disorder. I tried to hide it from my mum, but she found out. She bought Xanax for me because she was afraid that a mental hospital would be so much more expensive. I took Xanax for years, and my condition became a tiny bit better. The doctor slowly reduced the amount I should take. When I escaped from my home, this was the last package I took some pills from, before I completely stopped it. I never thought I'll need it again. Boy, was I wrong...

I put the box back in the drawer and drank my coffee without sugar. I dressed up and left the apartment.

Whe I arrived at Starbucks, Jenna greeted me witha huge smile.
"Happy birthday, Ryana!!!" She squealed and ran up to me. After hugging me, she gave me a present. It was a twenty one pilots hoodie. "Wow! I love it!! Thank you, Jenna!" I hugged her again.

Jenna went home after she finished her shift, so I was alone. Very few people were coming and I was pretty bored. I sat down for a minute and checked my phone. After a minute, I heard the door open. I looked up, it was Tyler. I stood up quickly and he smiled at me. "Hi, what are you doing here?" I asked "I came to greet you on your birthday" he grinned. He looked so cute "Would you like a coffee?" I asked "Yeah, thanks. Let's sit down" I made him his coffee and we sat down at a table. "Well, happy 24th, Ryana" Tyler beamed and handed me a huge box. I opened it and gasped.
"A ukulele??? Omg Tyler, that's beautiful!! Thank you sooo much!!!"
"You sing so well, you should write your own songs" he said. I grinned at him and gave him a huge hug. Then we sat down and talked for hours.

It was my best birthday ever.

|{•}|

Author's note:

If you wanna read some quality tøp fanfiction (actually the best one ever), I VERY HIGHLY RECOMMEND (Don't) Leave Me Alone by LeaveNoWordsUnspoken! This is not an ad for the person and I really hope I'm allowed to do this. But that book! Oh. My. God. !!!

Thanks for reading,

Loveeeee youu

<3