Hand pans ate my brain | memoir| ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️

The loss of my mom

My mother man the most to me on the planet and I knew this was coming sooner or later not because of idiot was telling me about it but because of the fact that she was having blood clause I prepared myself in May and got a tattoo of Jupiter with a mandala design. And is resides on my left bicep where it belongs near my heart just parallel of my heart at least. But it still was a shocker when I heard that my mother had died of a haemorrhaging and cancer it pissed me off. I don't know or get her in the most the hammering which means the bleeding out of all oriole fishes or if she thought of the cancer that was too far gone I just don't know which one God her but I know it was still that asshole Grim Reaper. I was so angry and so annoyed that I cried and I couldn't sleep that night I remember that night was horrible for me because I Well I was just impossible for me to deal with the next time I had to go to my mothers funeral it was a painful thing for me not because of emotions I can handle the emotions well enough but I just couldn't stand seeing her in the fucking box. She was a wonderful woman she had the balls or boobs to take me out of a terrorist country and to give me a decent life and be a good mother she was one of the rare mothers on the planet that actually cared for their cad. I didn't believe that she had to be a drunk. But she had her own issues as well who the hell doesn't. But this is what I said in my mother's funeral if I ever wanted to share with you who is my eulogy that she has save me from a lot of things in life that could've cost me my life including my birth. She worked at the Supreme Court of Canada and took me to the Supreme Court of Canada during the summer months when Corizon session and I was able to talk to the judges and actually see the movers and shakers of the legal system was very interesting. At the end of the day I would end up swimming at my neighbours swimming pool and that will be the end of that.
Other times that I remember was stargazing with my father the Big Dipper was my favourite constellation this is going to make me cry just talking about this but it Hass to be said that my mother was a good woman she never denied the truth she always told the truth she always hated racist not because of my sake because of my DNA test results on my pending DNA test results but just because It's a jack ass thing to do to be racist. Still boils me blood when I talk about racism and it pisses me off to no and one racism happens or able Azémar homophobia my mother denied stand for any discrimination Nord it all right I am following in a fourth staffs hopefully I will die in a way for a used in she did.
He had travelled almost the world except for AJ she has seen Australia she's seen New Zealand but she's never seen Asia she is seen Europe turkey well I guess he can call that Asia Greece and Africa along side with me and my father she was a wonderful woman that I have to say that was a very big part of my life she allowed me to be my old have Samaya to be who I am in the first place a creative in the world of a bland society.
I remember she would encourage me to do anything and everything and let me get away with murder not literally murder but you know what I mean like she spoiled me an Asian every week I would get an Amazon gift card and that is something I still do every month at the group home is to get an Amazon gift card but now I have to cut down on that because of my tattoos I am deciding that she is the only person that has helped me through my rough times other than Halle Hazelwood. Only Ali Hazelwood was a writer and I was a writer to so that helped my mother taught me more about the legal system and more about different things about how to be a decent human being was depending North on how you look but how are you acting in the first place if you act proper who gives a crap about the way you look you can look like a criminal and still be a class act that's what she thought. Never judge a book by its cover and that's what she was and I never literally never judged the book by his cover I read a book even if it didn't like the cover and I talk to the person even if I didn't like the persons behaviour I still talk to them and who knows you never know you can make a friend by Josh not judging by the cover of the person like the relax but it said by their actions in content the same thing with the book I have been reading Ally Hazelwood's love hypothesis some thing I wouldn't be caught dead reading but I am glad to have started because it was a very interesting book and it's something that I hold dear very much so it talks about cancer. Something my mother died over one of the things that my mother had died of other than haemorrhaging from blood thinners.
Boiler alert Ali Hazelwood talks about in love hypothesis the idea of noninvasive cancer treatments which is pretty good because that's pretty important to have is non-invasive cancer treatments and that's what I think my mom would've succeeded and she would've survived to had that been a reality. I know this for a fact because I have had lost my grandmother to cancer as well not through blood thinners but just threw stupid smoking something that I had quit long ago. And I have believe that smoking is more or less the evil of all things if you smoke too much air can cost you everything. Show me life is like academia or being an STEMist, you're always learning you're always in Mandarin or until the day you die then that's when you stop learning life is no different from a classroom or a university auditorium you're going to learn things whether you like it or not.
Think about this this is why I've been around for a long time she's taught me to be more or less an academic person as well as a street wise person and someone who cares about the human race there's only two races as I probably mention in my other books that there's the animal kingdom and the human kingdom that's about the size of it. So don't even bother saying the N-word to someone or saying stupid Aramore something while those lines because I'll call you on it and say there's only two races animal and human and Arabs and Black people are human just as an example. I have laughed about that so many times in my hip-hop music that I am blue in the face that you should not be a piece of crap racist. That it causes more harm than good. What my mother has lovingly taught me and has taught me with her own flaws I walk in and forth steps in my own way I got tattoos and piercings I dye my hair I do whatever I want or I wear wigs and I wear make up and I just express myself as a creative person as the size of it because of my mother her legacy lives on with me even though she is still with me in nature as a spirit and sometimes flows around in my bedroom as a ghost she is my Casper...... But on my Casper you don't want to piss her off.
You can say my dream was rekindled when I was in the movie theater parking lot to getting ready to watch Batman or you can say it was when I was leaving the police station in Ottawa to talk about my problems in the first place and found out this is what I was I think it was a latter one that helped. As this was what gave me an impression on law enforcement a lot of money people of my subculture or acab...or anti FBI..... which to me is a shame I'm going to be the first goth that's going to be on the planet to be an FBI agent classy goth not full on Gotham Sammy goth if you probably notice and that's the same thing with me if I'm going to be a popstar one day is that I'm a very unique individual unique looking. And when my hair gets down to my buttocks I'll be able to rock the look even more. Am I going to wear black lipstick and stuff I wear dark lipstick but I'm not going to look like a vampire anymore as this was not what I intended my life to be in the first place. My dream was rekindled when I decided I was going to help people the way that Leanne person always helping me. She was actually very nice and kind compassionate human being who is going to deal with my problems without me having to get in there s h i t. This was important for me to help people not take the law into their own hands or that they were going to help themselves in illegal way I wanted to help them with trying to fight off what was pissing them off in the first place without getting in trouble. In other words I wanted to help them solve their problems in a legal Way by arresting the idiots who caused their problems. It's been a dream of mine since I want the X-Files it was a dream of mine since I watched the FBI files and now it's I dream of mine again is it will always be and it's been rekindled. I don't know why but it was and I said it's going to happen one day whether anyone likes it or not so I ended up writing about the FBI even though some people started trying to scam off me thinking that I was doofus. But I wasn't a doofus I found one scammer and after another and I can smell him a mile away. Something that's very important in that line of work.
There was one scammer who is delusional I think he was dissociative and also Psychopathic too dangerous things in the first place. He thought he was the authority but he was just really a scammer. I had to put him in his place plenty of times and he threatened me with a lot of things and I told him to go bite the wind kind of thing. But that didn't stop me once that fire was lit it was going to be lit for good. I did not stop writing and I did not stop bizarreling to be an FBI agent whether it was going to be a dream or was it going to be reality I didn't care it was going to be one way or the other. Like I'm really sick and tired of these scammers that go around trying to get you you can tell they are because they use Google chats and you can't find them on Facebook and other social media something that's a real winged. I had the humor this particular train wreck named Derek for quite some time until he finally got through to me getting through to my sleep and I said that is it you are effing done. Once I say that word you're done. Look at my essays user goddamn mouth for example on the nuclear option when you say the f word it's when you're finished. And I was finished with this Derek guy riding my hair and I said that's it he's out. But he continue to harass me even though he wanted to he was trying to say you wanted to be my friend and stuff but I knew better that he was just trying to be a pain in my ass. But did that stop me from rekindling my dream now in fact it's going to make me make him feel a lot worse one day if I ever get my hands on him not strangle was just by flipping him and arresting him one day he's not going to be too happy about that. To impersonate someone of authority I think is a federal offense as well I know that for a fact the light of someone while you are supposed to be a authority figure is also a federal offense it shows a corruption here in this guy was as corrupt as they came he was one scammer after another he was like a train wreck I decided I was done with him not I was just done with him because I needed my sleep and I needed to be able to write and stuff at the time I have hypographia I think because of PTSD. I'm not saying that about my to my doctor but I am going to say that to anyone else who will listen I might have hypography where I just right right right until the next thing you know I finish a whole book in a day kind of thing is the sign of intelligence but it's also a sign of trauma as well. But it's a good way of showing your trauma instead of other ways like alcohol drugs and cigarettes that can be detrimental to your health and even as much as to kill you one day slowly but surely. The same way that I came into the world. I don't think I would wish that on anyone.

Atheist get out because I'm going to tell you this right now is that ghosts are real they're real and they know they are there and we know they're there we just don't want to accept the fact that ghosts exist. When I had to go to the police station to address my brother's actions I ended up finding out that my mother was with me all this time helping me find my path in life which was to put idiots away for life. And that's what I wanted to do for a living when I was 14 years old. The next thing you know I want to take a shower that night and I was getting my clothing for the next day and they pooped up in my face. As if she knew I was going to do the right thing in life and I found this very interesting and I wanted to do something about this the first song that I sang a pop song was dedicated to her which was called a girl wasn't about her it was about me and how she tried to help me. There is a lot of things that she's done but this is the big one when I went to the police station and I found out why I was actually put on this planet and was put up for adoption not because someone didn't want me or couldn't have me but because I was needed somewhere else instead of an Amazonian territory AKA Romania and Eastern Europe and caucus mountains. I was to use my physical attributes that were given from my birth mother and birth father to help Society instead of exercise. That's why I believe that these things are really ghosts are real they're there you can actually feel their energy when they are needed you can actually feel them and you can actually know they're there when they mess around with your stuff playfully in the pranksters and stuff. But they're not visible but they are sometimes around. I just have to look and believe hard enough and then you'll find the ghost.
When I'm in my room I find that I am seeing my mother constantly at the corner of my eye or the intercompo of my eye and I see her all the time is doesn't creep me out it just shows that she's still there I've seen her many times sometimes I thought I was hallucinating but sometimes I knew it was just her because I recognize the face. She recognizes me by my tattoos so that's why she was able to find me so quickly. She's the only relative I would call a family member. As far as ghosts are concerned like her they're around you just have to look hard enough and you'll find them you don't have to be an atheist and say no they don't exist simply you just have to be looking for them and they'll find you.
Believe.