erwin smith x male!reader
in which where marie's brother is forced to write letters for her lover in her stead but he finds a difficult time controlling his feelings-especially when her lover also happens to be the man he holds most affections...
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CHAPTER NINE
By a month in after Erwin's sprain, he was able to do things the way he used to.
I could tell he had raised his guard a little around me, more cautious and careful as though he was afraid I would turn away again. For reasons unknown to himself.
He doesn't understand but he still tries to, and I appreciated it.
That was why I began to loosen up as well, trying not to be as on edge as I usually am around him. I tried to shove down the jitters I get in his presence and started treating him like an old friend, it was the least I could do for him.
Somehow, he stopped trying to talk to me about the letters— as though accepting how 'Marie' had lessened her letters as he did. It was only perhaps once a month now, no longer as frequent as they used to be.
It felt like breath of fresh air to not have to confront my emotions upon writing him those love letters.
While it felt relieving to me to express my feeling at first, I grew to like the freedom I now had. I no longer had to think about multiple perspectives all at once while still simultaneously talking about the 'love' I found within myself.
It felt liberating, to finally spend actual time with Erwin without discreetly sending him letters under the false pretense of them coming from Marie.
It felt like we were closer than before.
And when I found out we would be off to a far away cabin for a winter assignment, I didn't know whether I was thrilled or dreadful. Thrilled that I didn't have to see Marie and face my guilt for nearly a month, or dreadful for how that would mean I'd be interacting more closely with both Nile and Erwin.
Don't get me wrong, they're both my friends. But lately with this entire situation we're all tangled in, it's just complicated.
Or I complicate it.
It stresses me out effectively and I couldn't face Nile after having broken my promise of helping him out.
And yet, despite our complications that seems like only I was seeing— Erwin looked particularly glad to have a change of scenery as we ventured off to the middle of nowhere.
It was like this every year. Off to a cabin in the woods with an assignment of surviving activities.
I didn't like the cold though. I hated the cabin in winter where nothing is array. I didn't like the coldness of snow that bites my fingers and makes me lose all feeling around my body.
I preferred to be out here when it isn't snowing.
"Are you cold?" Erwin had asked me as we piled up the fireplace, tasked to settle down first before we were to be arranged with another activity out there in the cold.
