erwin smith x male!reader
in which where marie's brother is forced to write letters for her lover in her stead but he finds a difficult time controlling his feelings-especially when her lover also happens to be the man he holds most affections...
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Our little stay in the middle of nowhere was (fortunately) cut short due to the rush for graduation—something about wanting to tackle everything before letting us go.
I was relieved either way.
I was expertly avoiding Erwin for the past few days; always rounding a corner when I see him going the same route, falling into a half-witted conversation with Carly (yes, I know her name now) or Miche or anyone present near me, and now locking our room door to avoid the same incident that happened the other night.
I wasn't kidding when I said I was a coward.
I was practically running away instead of confronting him about it. But it didn't help when he was so persistent.
I like to pretend and say it was easy to avoid him, but no. It actually wasn't. It took everything in my self-control to stop myself from running to him and telling him everything that was written in me.
I was determined to pursue the original plan and stop improvising. No more selfishness, I had promised.
And a part of me found it hard to believe he could ever love me as genuinely as he claimed. I knew a lot of people in my lifetime, I knew that they tend to never last.
It's not self-loathing when I say I was boring, it was self-awareness. I knew I had nothing to offer. I wasn't an otherworldly beau, I wasn't funny and entertaining, I wasn't a contender for a long-term future—not when I tend to bore people out if we spend time together long enough.
Erwin would be stuck with me: someone who could never offer him anything great.
He would grow to be tired of me, he would hate me. And then he would regret it—God, he would regret it! I was certain of it. He would see me for who I really am; a liar, a manipulative writer, a bore.
This was no good.
No good. No good. No good.
"I think I've decided." Marie told me one evening after getting back from the trip.
I sat patiently on her floor and against the bed, fidgeting with my hands as my head was still stuck in previous events.
"Decided on what?" I indulged her.
And nothing could have prepared me for what she had to say next.
"I think. . . I think I may love Erwin."
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