Lurking For Love (Jacob X Reader)

13: my past.

That one day..
TW warning right before we jump in this is Y/ns background there's gonna
be self harm being degraded by family fat shaming and thoughts of suicide, if your can't handle it, it's ok just skip out the chapter, it's not really in the game :3
And if you are struggling with these thoughts please talk to someone or if you would like, you can talk to me I'm always open to talk about anything.... Now, let's get to reading.

Just another shitty memory..
I remember when I didn't feel scared or sad around my parents, right after I got into middle school is when they really started to hurt me... It was just verbal abuse but half way through 7th grade... It was getting really bad, my mom started to drink more and more which made her get really violent, my dad would start cheating and hitting me whenever he got mad... Which was all the time, really the only time I had gotten peace was when I got sent to my room after I got hit with the belt, my dad said I had to keep my grades up and if he found out I was under a 4.0 GPA he would hurt me until he felt I understood what to do. There was countless times teachers and students would ask me about my bruises and cuts, I would say I was in a boxing club outside of school. When 8th years started is when my parents began to scream as nd yell at each other, my mom would try to save me by locking me in the basement, she told me a few times to make sure "you have food clothes even blankets down there you understand me Y/n? I know I'm not being there right now but please.. " my mom would tell me, I knew she was struggling with things, not sure what kind but it was bad. Maybe it was because my sad would chest on a daily basis and giving her multiple STDs. Then 8th grade came around and I learnt about drugs.. Mainly weed but I was hooked on it for so long, and when my dad found out.... I woke up in a hospital both of my legs broken,my left arm snapped in half. And my face was so fucked up I didn't recognize myself at first, my dad did get arrested but he had a buddy as the station who got him out a lot more earlier. I stopped eating because I thought I was fat... All of these repeated until high school, jr year.... I started to cut myself so much that all I wore was long sleeves and long pants, my thighs so fucked up that I cried every time I saw it. My arms looked so... Horrible, I had one good friend but she moved after a week. I think about her a lot... I wonder if I can find her... Maybe some day. I don't remember her name but she had black hair and pale skin. She would draw over my scars with flowers and bugs, it made me smile. One day me and my dad got into a really bad fight and he screamed "IF YOUR LIFE IS SO BAD HERE JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF YOU FAT WAIST OF SPACE!" It never gotten so quiet, I glared at him with my (e/c) eyes and went to my room. I began to cry out and looked at my body... I realized I looked like a fat... Large... Chunky... Pig... Now looking back I was so skinny my bones were showing... I was about to grab the rope but I remember a convo I had with my old dear friend... It made me smile and drop the rope. I sat on my bed and grabbed a suicide note I wrote a few days before... It said

"My name is (y/n) (l/n), I'm 16 years old I I lived with (m/n) and (d/n) if Your reading this. I'm most likely gone or dead. And I wanna tell you about myself and family... My father always hurt me and my mother almost every day, under my bed you'll find a small box with a pink rose on it. I has pictures of bruises, cuts, and what ever physical abuse my father and mother put me through. I will not ever call my father and mother: mom or dad because they don't deserve it, I was told almost every day I was a mistake. A big waist of space. I useless daughter. I should have been died. And other things... Such ass I wish you were dead. My mother and father will see me hanging tomorrow at 11:34 pm. Why that time? Because my mother said what's the worst time of day for her... Because of me.. Good bye to you... And I hope you burn in hell
-(y/n)
I sighed reading over it and calmed down. I grabbed my camera and took a picture of my newest scar and left it with the note on my desk.... The next day I forgot about it. I was at school and then my dad texted me saying we needed to talk, I began to panic 'did I forget to wash a dish? Did my grade drop a bit? Did I forget to take out the meat to cook tonight?' Countless throughts went through my mind. By the time I got home, my dad was sitting in the living him and once he saw me. He dragged me to my bed sitting me down. I was shaking, was be gonna hurt me again? But instead of pain.... He began to cry... Ive never see my dad cry... He pulled out the box of scars he gave to me... And my note, "rose bud... " he hasn't called me that in so long... "I... I'm sorry for all of this..." He said his voice breaking.. "I know he hurt you.. But I didn't think I was going to far.. " he said sitting with me, I didn't even know what to do. He explained that his father was teaching him how to be a man. "I'm sorry... I know it means next to nothing but.. I didn't know you were doing this to yourself.. " he said he looked at me. "Can.. Can I see the scars... " he asked, I nodded about to cry and pulled my sweats and sweater off, he broke down again seeing all the damage I did to myself "oh rose bud... " he said he quickly ran to me I covered my face but instead of feeling hurt... He hugged me... I haven't been held in so long... "I'm sorry my angel..." He said rubbing my back, I began to cry too but I never hugged back, I still thought he didn't deserve my love.. Or my forgiveness. Over the next 6 months he's been trying to be a good dad but he's already lost me. And mom. And after graduation and I mean as soon as I got home, I packed all my stuff in my truck and drove off. My parents didn't even notice until it was too late....
I don't know if it's bad or not... But after a while I found comfort in pleasing myself, it made me forget what happened I felt better when I felt sexy, I had people strangers on random chat rooms I was so beautiful, I was cute, I was sexy, some even said my scars was one of the best parts... By age 18 I was a cam girl, I used a mask to cover my face just in case.. But I stopped after a few years....

I kinda miss doing that.
Is that weird?