The archive of the forgotten

Do you love me Clive?

"There you go" I say as I tie his bowtie. I smile at him, but he is looking at a picture. I sigh and walk away. I am putting on my burgrundy dress. I look in the mirror and frown, my long blonde hand in a tight bun with beautiful fingerwaves. I put on my string of pearls and my opera gloves. I look at the mirror, why do I still look like I am less than  Clive. 

"You look beautiful." I hear from behind me. He smiles, his semi-long hair hesitantly touching his shoulders as if afraid to grow any longer. He zips up the dress and turns me around. "You look so beautiful my camille." He says as he craresses my skin and my sins with the back of his hand. I adore his touch and still I know he does not love me. He kisses my forehead and I try my best not to cry as I know that this man does not love me. What have I done wrong Clive? Have you ever loved me.

"Shall we?" He says as he opens the door. I smile and we walk down the giant stairs of his villa. I look at all the people showered in precious jewels and the best silk of the world and i feel like I will never measure up. I will never measure up.

As the champagne bubbles and the wine spills everybody finds their old friends to talk to and I have no other option than to follow Clive. Not that Clive is happy about that. But he lets me, I am so lost here. I want to get away I need to get away from this. The only thing keeping me here is the way Clive talk about me ever so proud of the fact that I write childrens novels. How succesful I am and how I will be viewed as a childrens classic eventually. He seems to be so full of love, how does he pretend so well? I do not understand. I take a deep breath and run away, up the stairs into the library.

I start to weep, I want to rip his first editions of books apart. I want to destroy his maps. I want to ripp apart the necklace he gave me and set this house ablaze, I want to throw my wedding ring out of the window. I want to curse him but I love him too much for that. I rest my crying face on my knees. 

"Camille" I hear his soft sweet voice. "Are you alright?" He says as he sits down in front of me, He smiles I don't lift my head. "I brought you a glass of champagne." I chuckle through my tears. He lifts my chin so I look into his beautiful icy blue eyes. "Ahhhh....there you are" He whispers. "My beauty." I begin to cry even more "If I am your beauty why do you need another?" He frowns. "What do you mean my darling." He says as if he does not know what I mean. "You know what I mean! Spencer your colleague

His face whitens and his frown disappears, there appear tears in his eyes and I know that I haven't been wrong. "Camille let me explain!" He says but I shake my head. "I do not need an explanation! Go tell him he is beautiful." He grabs my arm and looks me in my eyes. "It was only ever a kiss." I feel tears escaping my eyes. "That is still a kiss, how can you only kiss somebody. Admit it Clive! You love him." He looks down. "Maybe I am attracted to Clive yes Camille but I have always loved you!" he says while putting his hand on my cheek. "My chamomile, my beautiful beautiful wife. I love you, I promise."

"But why do you need a man? why do you need spencer?" Clive sighs. "I saw too much of myself in him Camille......I know I should've said no. I have not entertained the thoughts of an affair with him Camille, it was only a kiss. But I understand if you want me to pack my bags." He turns around and starts to walk towards the door. I look at him and I feel this stupid heartache deep inside of me. I curse it.

I run towards him and hug him. I need not love him, I need not respect him. I just want him to hold me, to console me, to be here with me. I think as we embrace eachother like the world is going to end. Even in you do not love me Clive, I will never stop loving you. And than he wishpers. "I promise to always love you camille, and I will not break it."

Yes I am aware that clive sounds like a bit like Yves. Yes I feel bad about it, would I change it? No!!!