Dead Ones

Chapter 19: Peace?

The trip back to the base was smooth. I rested for the night briefly and woke up early in the morning. Many of the people were still sleeping. A few early birds and former military individuals were up and bustling around. I walked towards the front gate. My rifle and mask were left behind in the building I spent the night in. I carried my bat in the middle with my left hand. I arrived at the gate. Juggernaut and Wolf were on watch. "Got somewhere to go Grim?" Wolf asked. "I just need to clear my head," I said. "I come with you?" Juggernaut asked. "Nah. Thanks though," I said. "Oh, okay," he said, frowning slightly. They opened the gate for me and I stepped outside. The air was dull. The trees were still beginning to bud and grow their leaves back. The surroundings in the area around the town, were bleak and bare. I walked through the clearing and into the woods. Where was I going? I did not know. I just wanted to be as far away from that place as I could. I got so far within the wooded area that I could no longer see the town from where I was. My surroundings became a blur as I walked. I lost track of my surroundings and my senses. I stumbled upon a fallen tree. Beside the tree was a small body of water. I stepped over the rotting log and sat myself on it, resting the bat on its trunk. I reached into my pocket and pulled a smoke and my lighter out. I lit it and puffed it a few times. I rubbed my slightly burning eyes. I stared into a small pool of water at my feet. This was my first time seeing myself since meeting Hexblade. My hair on my head and face began to grow back slightly. It was short and close to my flesh. The outline of where my hair and beard had been made prominent by the new coming of this stubble. I turned my face to the side where the flesh was missing. My teeth were exposed on that side. My cheek bone peeked out of the now clotted and healing tissue. My jaw bone and muscles were showing slightly. I played around with opening and closing my mouth a few times, observing my reflection. My skin's usual tint was fading. My tan skin was looking a little pale and grey. I was ghoulish in appearance. Half dead nor half alive. What would my wife think of me now? My former appearance was gone. It was like the person she had once known was dead. The person looking within the reflection was not an honorable soldier, but a hardened murderer. I hunched my back forward as I sat on the log. I rested my elbows on my knees. I stared blankly into my cold, dead, amber eyes. A single tear left my left eye and ran its way down my nose. It fell from the tip of my nose and fell into the small body of water, causing ripples to flow from the source of the disturbance. My face began to morph slightly. The injured physique of my face was gone. The long shaggy haired and bearded man was seen for a moment in the reflection, then was gone. It returned to my clean shaven face and slicked back hair. A second figure became apparent to me. It was her. Her pale skin and piercing blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. She sat on the log next to me in the reflection. I closed my eyes. A faint vanilla and wood scent flowed over my senses. I opened my eyes again. She was gone, and my current appearance became present once more. I drew my handgun from its holster and returned my resting posture with my elbows on my knees. I held it lazily in my right hand. I held the smoke within my lips loosely. Inhaling with my lips pressed together and exhaling through the hole in the side of my face. I gazed at the floor. My pulse ran slow. My thoughts began to fade away. There was nothingness. It was just me, sitting alone in the middle of the woods, staring at the dirt. I ground my teeth together, clenching my jaw. I primed the hammer of the handgun back with a click. "I failed you," I said aloud. I raised the handgun and placed it underneath my chin. "What are you doing out here?" a feminine voice said behind me. I stood and whorled around, pointing the handgun at the source of the voice. Maria stood at the other end of the gun. John, Aaron, and Juggernaut stood not too far behind. "What were you doing?" she asked aggressively. "None of your damn business!" I shouted back. My hand holding the gun trembled violently. Maria took a step forward. "I'll blow your goddamn head off! Back up!" I shouted at her. My slow pulse now raced and ran warm. She took another step forward. I shook more violently. I moved the weapon to her side and fired once to ensure the fact that I was serious. She didn't flinch. She took two more steps closer. The smoking barrel of the gun was inches from her forehead now. "Do what you gotta do to make yourself feel better," she said. 'I was going to before you interrupted me' I thought to myself. The thought of shooting her crossed my mind for less than a second. My fingers twitched gently on the trigger. I steadied my hand. I dropped the gun onto the ground. She closed the distance and embraced me in a hug. "I'm here for you Grim. I always have been and I always will be," she said. John and the other two got closer. "Yeah man, we're here for you," John said. John and Aaron joined in on the hug. Juggernaut encircled all four of us and squeezed tightly in a massive bear hug. When everyone let go, they sat down on the log. Juggernaut bending the tree slightly where he sat on it. Maria left a spot open next to her and motioned for me to sit down. I reached for my handgun to pick it up and place it back into my holster. "Nope," she said sternly. "No guns," she said. I glared at her and plunked down next to her on the branch. "Why were you out here?" she asked. "I just wanted to clear my head," I said honestly. "Literally or metaphorically?" John asked, half joking. "Yes," I said simply. "What's on your mind Grim?" Maria asked me. I reached up and pulled the necklace from underneath my shirt. "This," I said. "Your wife?" she asked. "Yeah," I said simply. I fought back my emotions. "What about her?" she asked. My voice stammered and cracked when I attempted to speak. "I miss her. I miss her so fucking much," I said. I couldn't withhold myself anymore. I broke into tears. My body was shuttering. Maria grabbed my head and pushed it gently against her shoulder. John leaned against my other side. "Let it out Grim. We're all here for you," she said. For once, I genuinely believed it and felt slightly better...