Wants of the Heart

Chapter 5

Two weeks later and I'm more confused than ever. I sit in the library, flipping through a book on memory charms, curled up in an oversized armchair beside a tall window. Rain pounds against the glass, thunder sounding in the distance, as I read by candlelight. I had gone to bed hours ago but awoke after a horrible dream: a repeat of the Department of Mysteries, but this time I wasn't able to block Hermione from the curse in time. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, I made my way to the library.

I've had three more sessions with Healer Minnows. Each one has left me more conflicted than the last. Outside of this nightmare, Cassandra's memories have been invading my dreams as well. It's been hard to come to terms that part of my childhood isn't real, but the more I remember of myself from before the accident I start to question how much of me is Rosie and how much is Cassandra.

I miss Hermione and our parents desperately. Last week, once I realized that I'm able to go longer distances without needing a break, I tried to find a way off the grounds. Unfortunately, I found both the property gate and all of the floo accesses locked to me. When I asked, Mipsy looked ashamed to say that Lord Nott, Father, was able to limit access to those within Nott Manor. This means that I'm stuck here until he deems it "safe" for me to leave. Not able to leave, I've taken to spending more time with Theo. He's joined me in my music practices and my excursions onto the grounds. He'd actually tried to get me up on a broom on the Quidditch Pitch, but I had refused. Fighting Death Eaters was a breeze compared to dangling on a stick hundreds of feet in the air. I've also been doing my best to avoid Draco.

After hours of research in the manor library, I'd found that only he would be able to remove the ring from my finger, not something he was likely to do. He's been trying to catch me on my own for several days, leading me to stick to Theo's side like glue. My brother has been more than happy to oblige, allowing me to use him as a human shield. Having a brother is much different than a sister, but not in a bad way. Theo is kind, caring, if not a sly bastard when it comes to working on our summer homework. I wrote half of his Charms essay before I realized that he was playing fetch with an ottoman he had transfigured into a dog. I've become fond of him, almost thinking of him in the same way I do Hermione.

In my search of the library, I found several books of family history. It was one concerning the Notts of the 1300s that peaked my interest. The family had yet to immigrate to England, still living in Norway at the time. The Lord Nott of the day was said to have been a very violent man, even to his children. It was when Erik Nott struck his thirteen year old daughter, Thyra, with the killing curse in a fit of rage that his wife enacted the "curse" on him and his bloodline. No parent of Nott blood would be able to kill their children. A hedge of protection was placed around all future children of Erik's blood, his direct descendant would be unable to murder their offspring as he had Thyra. This protection did not extend to his wife, Alruna, who he killed immediately upon learning of her actions. That grieving mother's sacrifice is the only reason I survived the battle at the Department of Mysteries.

The book I'm currently reading has been sitting on my nightstand for the better part of a week. It caught my eye after a session with my mind healer. I decided that it was time to take the retrieval of my missing memories into my own hands. I started with researching simple obliviation charms before moving on to much more complicated rituals. I feel as if I am so close to finding the rest of my missing memories, as if they are hovering just out of my reach.

A draft causes a shiver to run down my spine. I tug the blanket off the back of the armchair, draping it over my lap. I look around the shelves, trying to find the source of the breeze. The library doors suddenly slam shut. I jump, freezing in my seat for a moment. My brain jumpstarts once more at the sound of footsteps heading my way. Quickly, I shut my book and blow out the candle I'm using as a reading light. I stand and shuffle quietly through the shelves, planning to bypass the person and head back to my rooms.