The Lost Asgardian (Loki)

Entry 12)The Beginning of the End

A/N
NEW CHAPTER!
How has it been over 5yrs since I last updated this book?!
Crazy. As it's getting ready to be published, I'm trying hard to share as much of it as I can to Wattpad. (Without angering my publisher of course!)

Do I even have anyone still reading this story...?! It's hard to tell, I've been gone from Wattpad for far too long!
Happy Reading
-Alycat

SIGYN
As tragic as Balder's death was, it was deemed nothing more than a horrific accident. Apart from Thor, no one suspected Loki played a diabolical hand in his own brother's demise. Being unable to handle the immense guilt of accidently killing his own twin, Hoder killed himself nearly immediately after his brothers' funeral, further devastating the King and Queen. Thor's relationship with Loki was never the same after that; Thor now aloof around his brother, forever suspicious of what the brother with Jotun blood was capable of.

More than a decade passed after Balder's death. Sigyn's life somewhat returned to a semblance of normalcy after his passing. She resumed seeing the triplets in the early morning or late at night hours, and no one, not even Odin, attempted to arrange another marriage for her. Being considered a young widow, she was regarded as untouchable, a delicate emblem of sorrow and loss in the palace halls.
It seemed that Sigyn and Loki's love was allowed to flourish quietly behind closed doors, shielded from prying eyes and wagging tongues. The only individual who had been all too willing to gossip and inform the King and Queen of Sigyn and Loki's secret romance was now dead. The King and Queen were never the same after their beloved son's passing. Although Balder was not the favorite child of either, he was beloved nonetheless, his absence casting a solemn shadow over Asgard. Hoder's suicide only made things worse for the King and Queen, both feeling they had failed their twins miserably.

On a serene day, nearly twelve years after the birth of the triplets, Sigyn strolled through the palace corridors with the toddler child of Sif and Thor, Trud. She was now the head handmaiden, responsible for the employment, training, and supervision of all other handmaidens within the castle walls. Thorn and Fenrir could be heard nearby, their laughter echoing as they engaged in playful sword fights with their wooden sticks.

Meanwhile, Hela was away, engrossedin her studies with her sorcery professor, training to be the leader of NorseHel as it was prophesized, she would be. Odin once upon a time attempted to agethe girl to an adult in a bid to bring back his dead sons. Sigyn sent word tothe messenger God Hermes, prayed to him daily, so that he would send word toOdin that such an act would not only be unreasonable, but also pointless. Herprayers and countless letters and carrier eagles were answered. It wasreassured to Odin that no amount of begging or magic could bring Balder or hisbrother back, so the King dropped his foolish thoughts.

As Sigyn carefully strolled through the castle corridors, her hand claspedfirmly in little Trud's, she felt the reassuring presence of Jormungandtrailing closely behind her. The triplets were growing older, theirindependence blossoming as they ventured into their own unique personalities.Hela, with her fearless spirit and burgeoning sorcery skills, seemed destinedto one day lead the realms of the underworld, a formidable force to be reckonedwith. Fenrir, ever the warrior, devoted himself to honing his combat prowess,his days consumed by relentless training in preparation for his future role asa knight of Asgard.
And then there was Jormungand, the most intellectually curious of the triplets,his thirst for knowledge seemingly insatiable. With a mind as vast as thecosmos, he absorbed every piece of information with unmatched fervor, hismemory retaining the wealth of wisdom he encountered. But even as he aged, theboy was still close to his mother. Although Sigyn had a bond with all three ofthe children no stronger had she given birth to them herself, she may have beenclosest to Jormungand. He mirroredSigyn's mannerisms and thirst for life and knowledge as much as he resembledhis father in looks.

As Sigyn listened to Thorn and Fenrir, their laughter echoing like music in thehalls of Asgard, her heart remained heavy with worry for Loki. Despite the joythat surrounded her regarding being able to be a mother to the triplets', ashadow lingered, casting doubt upon the very foundation of her love for theirfather.
Sigyn knew she would always love Loki no matter what; her doubt was not amatter of that. It was watching a slow and steady change in the man she lovedafter a decade of being told they were not meant to be together. He wouldconstantly ask for her hand in marriage only for his uncaring father and motherto deny his request.

Given the King and Queen were fearful of a child of Jotun and Asgardian blood,Sigyn wondered if they would feel differently if she chose to give up bearingher own children.
When she encouraged Loki to offer this idea, the King still scoffed at the ideaof them marrying, and the request was denied.

As she watched over the children, their laughter a balm to her troubled soul, Sigyn'sthoughts drifted to Loki. His smile, once a beacon of warmth and mischief, nowheld a darkness that she could not ignore. Beneath the veneer of charm and witlay a heart consumed by shadows—a heart that bore the weight of unspeakabledeeds and untold secrets.
It all started after Balder's death. The aftermath of his passing set the stage for a subtleerosion of trust, marked by a series of seemingly small lies. But those lieswere still lies, and they carried weight far beyond their initial appearance insize. It was hard to believe what Loki said with his silver tongue. He wasnever the same after his brothers' death or his other brother's suicide. He hadchanged, and not for the better.
"Mama, what has you troubled?"
Jormungand's innocent voice broke Sigyn's troubled thoughts, his bright eyesreflecting concern as he gazed up at his mother.
Sigyn forced a tender smile, masking the turmoil swirling within her. "Oh,it's nothing. Just a passing thought."

But Jormungand was not easily swayed. "It's something about Father, isn'tit? I can tell." The boy was very talented at paying attention to smalldetails. He must have figured Sigyn troubled that she had not spoken to Lokifor a few days.
Surprised by his perceptiveness, Sigyn faltered for a moment before noddingslowly. "Yes, darling. It's about your father."

The boy's brow furrowed in contemplation. He promptly closed the book he wasreading as they walked. "Did Father do something to make you upset?"

Sigyn's heart ached at the innocence of his question. She could never, ever burdenher young son with the weight of her heavy thoughts. She immediately regrettedsaying it was about Loki. "No, sweet one. It's just... grown-up worries,that's all. I simply miss him."
That was not a complete lie. It was the truth; she missed her Loki deeply. Theone she used to know better than she knew herself; not the one who had taken tolying about anything and everything.

Jormungand's expression softened, but his curiosity remained unabated. "IfFather ever makes you sad, Mama, you must tell him. He wouldn't wantthat."
With her hand that not holding Trud's pudgy one, Sigyn gently patted her son'sshoulder. "Thank you, Jormungand." Sigyn tried to change the subject. "I dohope I am not keeping you from anything more engaging than a walk with yourmother."
Jormungand grinned, his expression mirroring his father's face. With his raven-blackhair and powder-blue eyes, a near identical replica of Loki himself.
"I would rather be an intellectual who spends time with his mother rather thana smelly fool who play fights with a stick."

Sigyn made a face. "That is not a very nice thing to say about Trud, young man."
Trud was currently waving around a small wooden sword meant for toddlers asthey walked.
"Mother, I was talking about Fenrir," said Jormungand, nodding his dark headtowards his brother. Thorn and Fenrir continued to fight, making obnoxioussounds at one another when each of them thought they bested the other.

"I do need to force that boy to bathe again," muttered Sigyn, sending hermiddle son a reproachful look. Jormungand giggled before a new arrival hadjoined them out of thin air.
"Son, please give us a moment," said Loki. Too often he was surprising peoplewith his teleportation trick. Loki ushered young Jormungand away with a gentlepat on the shoulder, giving Sigyn a knowing look that implied theirconversation needed privacy. As soon as they were alone, Loki's demeanorshifted, a flicker of excitement in his eyes.
"Sigyn,' he began, his voice tinged with anticipation, "after allthese years, I finally have permission to marry you."
Sigyn had absolutely no reaction to this news, for beneath the surface, silentreservations lingered. She couldn't shake the feeling of Loki's spoken and unspokenlies, the secrets he held tightly to his chest. His smile slowly started toslip once he saw Sigyn made no reaction to rejoicing in this long-awaited news.
"Where have you been?" she asked softly, her voice laced withconcern. They would go days, sometimes even weeks or more without seeing oneanother. When Loki returned, he scarcely explained his absences.
"I was away for work."

Loki's reply came too quickly, a halfhearted excuse that failed to explain hismysterious disappearances. "Where have you been?" Sigyn repeated. Hervoice was quiet but steady, carrying the weight of the unanswered question thathad plagued her for far too long. Loki'sexpression remained unreadable as he approached her, his movements fluid yetguarded. He spared the babbling Trud a look before looking back at her. "Ah, my love, you know how it is,"he began, his tone casual but lacking sincerity. "Duties, meetings,matters of the realm."
Sigyn's patience wore thin, her frustration bubbling to the surface."Duties, meetings—Loki, those are not explanations," she interjected,her voice tinged with a mixture of hurt and anger. "You disappear fordays, weeks at a time, and return without a word of where you've been or whatyou've been doing."

Loki's gaze faltered for a moment, a fleeting glimpse of guilt crossing hisfeatures before it vanished behind a mask of indifference. "You know Icannot always divulge the intricacies of my responsibilities," he replied,his words vague and evasive.
Sigyn shook her head, her resolve hardening. She kept her voice low so thechildren wouldn't overhear. Trud was too young to understand anything.
"I understand the need for secrecy, Loki, but this is different," sheinsisted, her voice unwavering. "I deserve to know where you go, what youdo. I deserve your trust."

For a moment, silence hung heavy in the air between them, tension cracklinglike electricity. Then, with a sigh, Loki reached out to take Sigyn's hand, histouch gentle yet fleeting.
"I promise, Sigyn, there are things you cannot yet understand," hemurmured, his voice tinged with remorse. "But know this: my love for you remainsunwavering, even in the shadows."
Sigyn met his gaze, searching for the truth in the depths of his eyes. Andthough doubts lingered, she found solace in the unspoken promise of hisaffection, a glimmer of hope amidst the shadows of uncertainty.
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