The Lost Asgardian (Loki)

Entry 13)Loki

A/N 
"You're Somebody Else" by Flora Cash
***

AVA
As hours passed, I found myself compelled to join Loki for dinner. Memories of Sigyn were hitting my mind with increasing intensity, each new recollection feeling like a blow to my skull, as if I were on the verge of suffering an aneurysm.
The banquet hall enveloped me in its grandeur, a breathtaking display of wealth and power that seemed to stretch to the heavens. Marble pillars soared overhead, adorned with intricate carvings depicting the ancient tales of gods and heroes. Velvet drapes cascaded from the ceiling, casting a warm, crimson glow over the polished floors below, where the soft strains of music floated like ethereal whispers.

Seated at the head of the opulent banquet table, Loki exuded an aura of effortless authority, his piercing gaze sweeping over the room with a quiet intensity as he watched me enter. Even as I grumbled and complained, a frost giant led me to sit beside him. I plopped down in the seat, glowering at Loki.
"What has you so sour?" He took a slow sip from the goblet he held.
I could have laughed at that remark.
"Oh you know, the usual. Being held captive by my murderous husband, realizing my entire life was a lie, feeling like my brain is being split open each time I unlock a new memory."

It was hard trying to grapple the difficult truth that I was never crazy; only reincarnated. That was a hard pill to swallow. I had what felt like a million questions and very little answers.
Loki turned to me, his eyes alight with curiosity and something else, something I couldn't quite decipher.
"You have a sense of humor."
I ignored him. "When will the headaches stop?"
"That'll happen with memory extraction," he said, his voice smooth as silk, "what seems to be troubling you at this very moment?"
He had to be kidding. It was my stony silence as the many trays and plates of food arrived that inspired him to speak again. "Ah, the past," he murmured, his fingers tracing the rim of his goblet. "A labyrinth of memories and regrets, where the lines between truth and illusion blur."
I raised a knowing brow. "You should know, you became quite the talented liar after Balder's death."
My head rocked with a headache so painful, I gasped in pain and noticed Loki's fingers twitch, as if he had been about to reach out to me.

As I faced Loki, his piercing gaze met mine, a familiar mixture of mischief and melancholy swirling in his captivating eyes.
"Why did you lie to Sigyn for so long?" The words escaped my lips before I could fully process them, a surge of frustration and confusion propelling them forward. It was still difficult trying to reconcile me and Sigyn were one and the same. "Me," I finally said after a low silence, reconciling that me and Sigyn were one and the same. "Why did you lie to me for so long?"

Loki's expression remained inscrutable, a mask of composure veiling the tumult beneath. "Perhaps you're overthinking things, maybe I was always a natural born liar."
But his words only fueled my resolve, igniting a spark of revelation within me. "No. You changed after Balder's passing," I pressed, my voice trembling with a mixture of fear and determination. "You were preparing for Ragnorok, weren't you? The end of the world, the final battle. Even then, you were planning it."

A flicker of surprise danced across Loki's features, a fleeting glimpse of vulnerability beneath the facade of deception. "You speak of things beyond mortal comprehension," he murmured, his voice tinged with an unfamiliar edge of uncertainty.
"Maybe it's a good thing I'm not mortal then."
Loki watched me carefully for the longest time. "What was your last memory unlocked?"
"You told me we were to be married. And..." I paused.
"And you were not excited if memory serves," he finished curtly. His neat fingernails drummed against the table calmly.
"We went weeks without seeing each other before then," I recalled, goosebumps tickling my spine as every feeling that Sigyn felt during that time hit me at once. "No communication, no letters, no explanation."

Loki watched me carefully, as if silently wanting me to continue. His gaze remained fixed upon me, his expression unreadable as I recounted the tumultuous memories that had haunted me for so long. I could feel the weight of his scrutiny, a silent acknowledgment of the pain and confusion that had lingered between us. Well, at least back then.
"And did you ever confront me about it?" Loki's voice was calm, but beneath the surface, I sensed a simmering tension, a hint of apprehension mingled with a flicker of something deeper.
I shook my head, the memories still raw with the sting of betrayal. "I wanted to, but...I was afraid," I confessed, the words heavy with the weight of unspoken truths. "Afraid of what I might uncover, of what it might mean for us."
Loki's features softened, a fleeting glimpse of understanding crossing his face. "Fear is a powerful adversary," he murmured, his voice tinged with regret.
His words struck a chord within me, resonating with the echoes of my own doubts and fears. "I know," I whispered, the admission a bittersweet acknowledgment of the truths we both carried.

For a moment, silence lingered between us, the weight of a thousand years of unspoken apologies and silent regrets hanging heavy in the air. I was feeling everything for the first time again; as if reliving my memories of past heartbreak. "When you did come home, you were disengaged," I said, the events playing through my head as soon as I said them. "You went through the motions of being with me and the kids, but your mind wasn't there, not really. I...I thought you met someone else, that you must have found comfort in another's bed, because there didn't seem to be any other rational explanation for why things felt wrong." As I recounted the tumultuous period, the air thickened. What I said seemed to catch him by surprise.
.
"You thought I sought solace in another bed," he murmured, his voice carrying a somber undertone that mirrored the ache within my own heart. "You thought I turned to another in moments of doubt, when all the while..."
His words faltered, hanging in the air like fragile whispers of the past. I could feel the intensity of his gaze.
"When all the while, you were never sleeping with another, you were merely bringing about the end of days," I murmured softly, staring at the table before me but not seeing it. My mind was back on Asgard. I started laughing softly as the absurd thought that suddenly hit me, shaking my head at the stupidity of it all.
Loki's gaze held a mix of surprise and a hint of wistfulness as he processed my words. His brow arched in response, a silent invitation for me to continue.
"In the grand scheme of things," I mused, a bitter laugh escaping me, "infidelity might have seemed a more bearable offense compared to ushering in the end of the world."

Even though I don't think he meant to do it, Loki released a laugh. He shook his head. His expression suddenly softened, his eyes reflecting the regret that lingered within him. He even cracked half a smile. "Ava," he began, the name seeming foreign on his tongue. His tone carried the weight of acknowledgment, "You were my only beacon of comfort. There was never anyone else."
Now I did break out in laughter. It seemed surreal to be having a conversation of something so trivial when the world as I knew it was supposedly on the brink of ending.
"Actions speak louder than words," I murmured softly, a nod to the weight of our unspoken past and what we once acknowledged to each other.
Loki's gaze softened as he contemplated my words, his features reflecting a mixture of introspection and regret. "I understand the gravity of my absence and the repercussions it wrought. It has taken a millennium, but I see it now."
I chuckled at the absurdity of it all. Multiple lifetimes have passed since the days where Sigyn was worried Loki didn't love her anymore. "The irony," I remarked, shaking my head. "A thousand years and a reincarnation later, and here we are finally confronting the problems that haunted us for a decade."
Loki responded with his characteristic wit. "It wasn't that terrible of a time," he quipped.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "The lack of sex or affection in general wasn't exactly thrilling," I retorted, cringing inwardly and physically at how bold the words sounded, my face paling considerably. Sigyn's boldness had taken over my words. A pang of embarrassment washed over me, and I couldn't bring myself to meet Loki's eyes. Me, Ava James, who had never kissed a boy before was commenting about physical intimacy with the man whom I once thought was a part of my imagination. A sly grin spread across Loki's face, his amusement evident.
"Oh, darling," he said, his voice dripping with amusement. "I believe we made up for lost time after we were married."
The air between us crackled with an unspoken tension, charged with a familiarity that transcended time. As I met Loki's gaze, a rush of emotions flooded over me, mingling with memories of the past and the present. Was this flirting? It felt like it, yet it was more than that.
In that moment, I saw glimpses of the Loki I once knew, the kindhearted young man who shared my joys and sorrows. The person I could share absolutely anything with; the soul that was my very best friend. Despite the scars of a thousand years etched upon his soul, he was still the same person.
"Where did it all go wrong?" I murmured, the words escaping my lips like whispers of lost hope as I struggled to piece together the chain of events that brought us here.
Loki motioned with a casual wave, dismissing his servants until the vast banquet hall was left to only us. In the ensuing silence once the room was empty, the air grew heavy. He was silent for a moment, almost as if contemplating how personal he wanted to get with me.
"I suppose looking back, our problem was we tried desperately to hold onto the idea that we would be together in the end."
"Supposedly love conquered all," I muttered sardonically.
Loki offered a wry smile in response. "Not when the King of Asgard stands in its way."
"So why did Odin finally let us get married?" I pressed.
Loki hesitated; his expression clouded with unresolved tension. "It wasn't out of benevolence, if that's what you're wondering."
"There were strings attached, weren't there?"
"More than you can imagine," Loki admitted cryptically, his gaze piercing through the veil of silence that enveloped us.

I waited expectantly for him to elaborate, but he remained reticent.
After a moment of tense silence, Loki spoke again, his voice laced with the weight of years of obedience and sacrifice. "I spent years striving to earn Odin's approval for our marriage, to be the dutiful son he desired." He paused speaking for a few long moments.
"His greatest fear was the prospect of a child born of Asgardian and Jotun lineage," Loki revealed, his voice tinged with a mixture of resentment and resignation.
"He wanted us sterile, didn't he?" I concluded.
Loki nodded grimly. "Your Asgardian heritage made harming your reproductive organs a crime in his eyes."
I cringed, worried where he was going with this. "Go on."
The sight of the book and its pages flipping at a frenzied pace startled me. Before I could react, the text settled on a page detailing the punishment of Loki in Norse mythology. It described him being bound by chains while venom dripped from a snake above him. Reading through the passage sent a shiver of dread down my spine, the implications sinking in with unsettling weight.

"Here is says-"
"Odin hadn't realized I played only a minor role in Balder's death," Loki revealed, his tone tinged with a mix of resignation and defiance. "The stories told by mortals were far from accurate."
Loki didn't elaborate for a long time, reflective in his thoughts. "The venomous serpent of the basilisk was used as an attempt to burn off my..." he paused. "Tool used for procreating."
I shuddered at the sheer horror of the concept. My eyes remained glued to the passage as I absorbed every word, prompting Loki to divulge more. "You fought to be by my side during that time. In a twisted display of amusement, Odin allowed you to catch the venom in a bowl before it reached me. You stayed by my side day and night for nearly a fortnight to save me from pain."
The weight of his words settled heavily in the air, leaving me grappling with the grotesque reality of Odin's punishment.
I looked to him cautiously, sensing there was more to his story. "The first few drops of venom were not enough to destroy a part of me, unfortunately. I recovered quickly."
My head snapped up to stare at him, a mix of shock and disbelief swirling within me. "Are you saying..."
He nodded.
"Uh oh."
"Yes," Loki agreed, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. "That was the sentiment, my dear."
Summoning my courage, I asked a question I knew I shouldn't. Deep down, I sensed that the story of Loki and I becoming biological parents of our own baby wouldn't be a happy one. Still, I needed to know the answer to my question.
"What happened to the baby?"
Loki thought about this. "Sometimes, it's better not knowing the answers to certain questions," he cautioned.
I shook my head firmly, refusing to relent. "Don't do that."
Raising an eyebrow, Loki regarded me thoughtfully. His expression softened slightly as he recognized the earnestness in my eyes.
"Don't treat me like a criminal who meticulously plotted to betray you, only to protect me from the truth now," I insisted, my voice trembling with emotion. "I need to know."
Loki's gaze drifted into the distance, lost in contemplation. "Jormungand has been trying to extract memories from you," he began, his tone tinged with reluctance. "I warned him not to unearth the ones filled with grief-"
"It happened a thousand years ago," I countered, my voice steady. "I can handle the truth."
"Perhaps," Loki replied softly, his gaze distant as he grappled with his own memories. "But that doesn't mean that I can."

What felt like an eternity of silence was finally broken by Loki speaking in a voice so low, I had to lean closer to hear him. "You bore me twin sons," said Loki quietly. "Fraternal, yet so similar with hair as dark as a ravens and eyes as green as yours. They didn't possess powers or unique abilities; I was doubtful they inherited anything from me other than looks. Odin waited until the boys were barely a year old before..."
He stopped talking, as if to watch how I was reacting. I must not have looked too alarmed for he continued. "The babes shared a crib. Odin transformed the older twin, Narfi, into an adult wolf-" My eyes widened in horror as Loki looked away, his expression heavy with shame and sorrow. "Vali was killed instantly by his brother. Palace guards killed Narfi after that."
We didn't say anything for the longest time after that. Both of us were lost in a sea of memories that expanded over centuries.
"Say something," he finally murmured, breaking the heavy silence that enveloped us.
My head swiveled to stare at Loki, my mind haunted by the gruesome tale he had just recounted. "Thank you for sparing me from having to relive that memory," I managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper.

He gave a curt nod in response, his expression a mix of remorse and regret.
"Did they know they were loved?" I asked in a murmur. It broke my heart to think of two innocent babies meeting such a tragic end only because of Odin's lust for power. Although it happened in another lifetime, I hated that I wasn't there to protect them.
Loki appeared taken aback by my question, his expression softening with a hint of sadness. "I don't believe a mother has ever loved her children more than you have loved yours," he replied, his voice tinged with genuine admiration and sorrow. "They knew they were loved beyond words."
Seated next to each other, I was certain he could hear my heart beating out of my chest. I felt the weight of two identities within me, Ava and Sigyn, merging and intertwining. Despite our differences, I shared one undeniable truth with my past self: love for the man before me.
As we sat at the table, Loki and I shared a comfortable silence, the air thick with unspoken emotions. I couldn't help stealing glances at him, his presence stirring something deep within me.

Suddenly, Loki's handreached out, his fingers brushing against mine with a tender touch. My heartskipped a beat, my cheeks flushing with warmth as our eyes met. In that moment,everything else faded away, leaving only the two of us suspended in time.
Leaning closer, drawn by an irresistible force, our lips met in a soft,innocent kiss. It was a gentle exploration, a tender exchange of emotions thatspoke volumes without a single word. His hand gently cupped the side of myface, his touch tender against my skin. Leaning into him, I felt a warmthenvelop me, a sense of comfort amidst the turmoil of our shared past. Before Irealized it, we were standing, drawn together by an invisible force that seemedto pull us closer. I stepped into his embrace, feeling his arms wrap around meprotectively as our lips met over and over.

Time seemed to stand still as we held onto each other, lost in the moment. Theworld around us faded away, leaving only the sensation of his lips againstmine, the gentle rhythm of our breaths intertwining. It was a moment suspendedin time, a brief respite from the weight of our shared memories and theuncertainty of the future. In that fleeting instant, all that mattered was usand being reunited.
As we pulled away, a smile danced across my lips, our eyes locked in silentunderstanding as if we had the same thought. Loki watched me soundlessly; as ifsomehow, someway, he were thinking the exact same thing.

At that moment, as if struck by a bolt of lightning, a horrific headache rippedthrough me, sending shockwaves of pain radiating to my very core. My bodyconvulsed uncontrollably, threatening to send me crashing to the unforgivingfloor below. Before I could plummet to the ground, cold arms enveloped me,providing a fleeting sense of stability.
Through the haze of agony, I could barely register Loki's panicked shouts, hisvoice a distant echo in my mind. Darkness threatened to engulf me as a memoryemerged, vivid and unrelenting, pulling me into its depths with relentlessforce.

A flood of memories surged through my mind, transporting me back to a time longforgotten yet remembered.
Vivid colors and terrifying imagery flooded my brain. I could smell smoke andfire; I could see buildings burning and people screaming for their lives. EverythingLoki said had been true. Odin had allowed Loki to marry me, but the King playeda dirty trick. The blissful day we married was incredibly shortlived; the King wanted to ensure Loki and Sigyn never procreated to create asuperior race. Since it was frowned upon to take away an Asgardian's ability toprocreate, it had to be Loki's ability to have a child taken away. He was dragged away on his wedding day,  stripped naked and kept on hilltop, as a basilisk dripped its venom onto histool used to procreate.  Sigyn assistedin holding a bowl to catch the venom of the snake, emptying it out when itbecame full so that it never harmed Loki. She did this every day and everynight for weeks, neglecting even necessities for herself to keep him from pain.Odin's cruel demand to leave the couple infertile was for nothing. During theirbrief honeymoon, Sigyn had fallen pregnant with Loki's twin sons. But they did notget to enjoy their babies for long.
I saw Sigyn and Loki standing together,their hearts heavy with sorrow and despair as they watched their two sons, Valiand Narfi, killed heartlessly by Odin.

The flames of Ragnarok engulfed Asgard not too long after that, consuming everything in their path withmerciless fury. The once majestic halls and grand palaces crumbled to dust, theechoes of destruction reverberating through the realm. People were running andscreaming as Frost Giants and other enemies of the land brought havoc anddestruction. Sigyn's cries pierced the air, her anguish echoing in the desolatelandscape as she clung to Loki, her tears mingling with his own.
In that moment, I felt everything Sigyn felt in her final days.
***
A/N
What do we think? What's going to happen next? Are we still enjoying the story?
Thanks for reading!
-Alycat